This ain’t the Boy Scouts: There’s no such thing as a prepared parent
I know one of the first things I did when I found out I was pregnant with my first child was run out and buy some pregnancy books. I got all the classics: What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The Breastfeeding Book, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. When I gave my husband the dog-eared books for him to read, he looked at me like I had just took a swig of liquor and handed him some to drink, too. “What do I need to read this for?”
Of course his question infuriated me, but I had to admit that he was right in some respects. People have been having kids for eons without the help of Dr. Sears and would be doing it for years after he was gone. I felt it was important to learn everything that could happen so that I could be prepared.
But can you ever be prepared? Can anything ““ let alone sitting down with a 200-page book ““ really help you understand the magnitude of parenthood? I don’t think so.
In all those books I read, there was never a chapter on what to do when your child has eczema, which is something I desperately needed to know. There was never a chapter on “What to Do When Your Child Flings Things at You for No Apparent Reason.”
Those books also never talk about the strains your marriage will face. “How to Stay in Love with the Person You Just Had a Baby With” should be chapter one in all those books, but it isn’t. Most baby books gloss over the fact that you and your partner will never be the same and (for the first few months at least) you might argue more than you’d like.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer from Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Visit her blog, TheYoungMommyLife.com, for daily musings about the issues young moms face.
BMWK, how about you? Did you stock up on books, seek advice from veteran people and still ended up woefully unprepared?
Great post Tara! I agree – it’s impossible to be prepared, which is why I’m so nervous about trying for my first! I’ll probably read the books too, but it’s great to get your perspective on “life outside the baby books.” I will have the unique struggle of being married to someone who has delivered babies and cared for then in the NICU. He will probably think he could write the books. 😉
What about “What to do when you want to kill that little joker for slinging poo poo all over the walls like he’s on the doggone Lord of the Flies?”
What about “What to do when your little knee-grow is blocking and doesn’t want mommy and daddy to engage in just a little quickie because every time daddy approaches mommy, whether the little knee grow is wide awake or in a deep sleep, he starts screaming?”
How about this for a chapter: “What to do when your three year old looks like a five year old and has the strength of a 20 year old. How to pay medical bills becuase he was just acting his age, but another person’s fragile child gets hurt (but the other child pushed him first)”
Or this is a good one: “How to say ‘back off’ when everyone thinks they know more about your child than you do.”
I could go on and on. I read all the books as well, but shoot…”planned” parenthood is a doggone oxymoron. For REAL.
I got the books and even watched the videos. Plus being in the hospital on bedrest, I repeatedly watched the newborn channel. I thought to myself, “Man, I got this. As much as I’ve seen, read, and from my babysitting experiences, how hard could it be?!” HA! Every baby should definitely come with their own instruction manual.
Where are the chapters on how to get your baby to sleep without you at night? What to do when your baby is vomitting, that you WILL have stressful days, ways to cope with not being able to breastfeed, how to do deal with severe cradle cap and excema. Thank God for experienced mommy friends 😉
OMG, don’t scare me. I’m due in 9 weeks with our first. I’ve worried about not being mentally prepared, but me and my husband are just going to have to work it out.
@Nicole. Oh, don’t be scared. Remember when you were learning to drive and you got on the freeway the first time? Clutching the steering wheel and praying you made it home safely? That’s what the first couple months of parenthood is like. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to merge onto the freeway with no problem. 🙂
Tara
https://theyoungmommylife.com
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Going to inauguration? Leave the kiddos at home
@Tara – great post. The mom was trying to get me to read some junk but I wasn’t having. I’m a true lets wing it kinda dude when it comes to just about everything. They didn’t have all of them books back in the day and everyone turned out alright… right?
IDK, @ thedad…the jury is still out on me. LOL
You are never prepared. You can have the money in the bank, the nursery ready and all the parenting magazines and videos. I look at first time parenting like a job I got that I was not qualified for, I learned little by little and I have been there for almost 10 yrs. Must be my personality. LOL. I still learn something new at my job each day, parenting is the same way. The first thing that you learn in parenting after you have the second child is: all kids are different. What you learned with the first kid may not work on additional kids.
@Anna – Man, is that true! I thought I would be somewhat more prepared for my second child, but nope! Still struggling!!
Tara
https://theyoungmommylife.com
Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..And All I Had Was A Lousy C-Section
You will never be prepared! Ever! So I didn’t bother reading the books on how to be a parent.
I remember when they let me leave the hospital with my daughter thinking, “I can’t believe they’re just going to let me leave with her! How do they know if I know what to do? Do I know what to do? OH MY GOD I’VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF HER! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!”
Yeah, 5 sleep deprived weeks later and the girl is thriving. And I just wrote a blog on how she didn’t come with a manual. *amusement*
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