OK, my tongue is about to start bleeding. I’m biting down on it, trying not to say anything “flip”, especially in front of the kids. You see, I’m practicing submission. Yes, I said “practicing” because I haven’t always been generous in this aspect of my marriage. If you recall in one of my first BMWK posts, I shared with you some magical things that happened for me and how I overcame my blended family blues when I began to take this wifely responsibility of submission more seriously. As with many biblical principles, believing is one thing, but doing is a whole ‘nother story.
Something that helped me, was breaking this thing down and understanding exactly what was needed in order to be a more submissive wife. We all know the definition of submission, but do we really understand the principles and the importance? I personally know how hard this is to do sometimes, but try not to think of it as being inferior or “less than” to your husband, but quite the contrary. Instead, look at is a necessity for your marriage and for the welfare of your family. Like me, you may be struggling with submission, because you are a strong-willed and strong-minded individual. After all, he married you because he saw and loved your strengths, right?
First, lets break the word down. Simply put, the prefix “sub means under”. Think of “under” as the wind beneath his wings to help him soar and support his needs. Think of “under” as foundation. We know that foundation is the absolute necessity upon which things are built. Without legs, the table will fall. Without solid foundation, even the most beautiful and extravagant homes will collapse. Hmmm…think about (worth repeating) without foundation, the home will collapse.
Ladies – on a lighter note, think about that moment when you see another female without proper “foundation” underneath her clothes and her body parts are shaking all over the place. You shake your head in disgust and your lips are turned up. Well, its the same thing. You seem and feel more “together, in order and ‘under control” being that foundation for your husband and family.
Now to the “mission” part of submission. Mission is the goal and purpose of a plan in which the result is success. Who doesn’t want success for their marriage and family? Hopefully, the head of your household takes his role seriously and understands that his family depends on him. From personal experience, the mission of my husband and for our family is fluid. It can change at any given time, from getting ahead financially to focusing on family dynamics and anything in between. So, it should be important for you (the strong wife) to “support the goal of success” for your family.
Disclaimer: This is by no means a suggestion to say yes to everything our husbands say or do, but to just simply serve as reminder of one of our duties as a Godly wife. When there is discord, you may want to check yourself to see if you’re being the foundation that he needs to make wise and sound decisions for your family or are you causing weakness in your foundation?
BMWK – do you struggle with being a “submissive” wife? What does it mean to you?
You hit the nail right on the head! Submission is simply supporting the call God has on your husbands life. Getting under that mission as his helpmate. It doesn’t make us inferior it makes us important to them. It’s not always easy but in submitting to Christ first, that same love and respect will easily flow to our husbands.
Thanks Sonya! Some say that it s weakness, but I think it takes a very strong, confident and faithful person to help your helpmate with his mission. We wear lots of hats!
I just wanted to add that submission does not mean “silence”. As wives we are able to share our thoughts and opinions with our husbands. It just means that the final decision is made by our husbands. But our hubands too must also be submitted to God. Wives are able to better trust the decisions their husbands make when they know that the Holy Spirit is leading them in all that they do. Submission should never be used as a way to control the wife or dominate over her. Nor does it mean we say “yes sir” all the time and supress the way we feel. We are human beings and individuals and we should be loved, valued and appreciated in who we are and how we are able to contribute to our marrriage. We were made to be helpmeets and so God made us suitable mates to be by our husbands side, not beneath them by any means.
I also wanted to add that in Ephesians 5:21 for husbands and wives to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. To me that means that both spouses are to be fully submitted to Christ and let the Lord lead them in their marriage. To be submitted means to humble yourself and to acknowledge and trust the God in your husbands. Likewise, husbands should do the same with their wives and trust the God in them.
meant to say *it says in Ephesians 5:21…*
Thanks for your comments Niambi! I love them. There are so many ways to look at the meaning of the word, but when it is taken out of context and not in line with God’s plan, its seen as a negative thing. Yes, its about humbling ourselves and acknowledging that our families are being covered by the God within our husbands and in every sense of the word, my hubby and I submit to one another because we’re both amazing! 🙂
OR we could just acknowledge the fact that the bible was written two thousand years ago by men who viewed women as subordinate to men to put it lightly. And then maybe we could not take what those men had to say about what the role of women should be in marriage in a literal sense? Maybe we can use that brain that God gave us to figure out that maybe all the degrading stuff in the bible about women can just be lumped together with it being evil to eat shellfish and being ok to sell your daughters into slavery – the old “product of the time” category. Maybe we can stop with the euphemisms, trying to make it seem like the men who wrote that passage meant anything other than “women are inferior to men and were born to obey them.” Marriage is about mutual love, respect, and striving for fifty fifty. Not obedience submission or any of that other backwards garbage.
I am more Spiritual than a Christian but I truly believe (very strongly I might add) that women are the foundation of the household. For example…the tone of the home is usually due to a womans touch and how she is feeling…when my husband comes home from work (if I beat him there) I give him the biggest hug and snuggle in his neck…this is for the both of us to remember to let go of the outside world. Then we each go and do what we are going to do to prepare for our time at home. He is the absolute head of this house and he knows it without having to throw it up in my face or me fighting about it. I dont always like all of the decisions that are made by him but we do talk about each and every one regardless of how big or small. I dont think of my role as submissive but as co-captain on a ship. We have to keep up communication because if the captain is not able to hold the helm then the co-captain has to be able to step up to the plate at any time. The smoothness in our relationship speaks for itself to others all the time.
Oh yes, why should big decisions be ones that both the husband and wife should be in agreement on? Seeing as God made women inferior and weaker in every sense to men, of course he should be making the big decisions! And it sounds like your living the “Godly” principle of female subordination out in your marriage, which is just wonderful. I hope you two have children who will follow in your stellar example. Especially girls. The world needs a lot more women like you who know their place. P.s. it’s so cute that you like to see yourself as the “co captain” in order to make you feel less pathetic and sad in your unequal “partnership” with a man that you seem very proud to call the “absolute head” of your home. Heartwarming. Just heartwarming. I wish you the best in your inevitable future mental collapse from all the suppression and denial you live in.
Kaitlin,
Is this how you typically respond to views/opinions that differ from yours? Wow. Scary. I wonder what the intentions were behind your comments. To belittle, to embarrass or to get others to submit to your way of thinking? Interesting.
Thank you so much for this timely message. It is especially hard for me to be submissive as I am the breadwinner in our household ( I make almost 3 times as much as my husband). But the way you have broken down the word sub-mission has allowed me to look at the term and its meaning in a new light. I love it and again I say thank you. This spoke right to my heart at a time I truly needed to hear “Check Myself”
I definitely agree with all of the positive comments. I personally was not saved when I got married the first time but I wanted to be a wife & mother at the age of 19 and knew how to because it was a desire. I also desired to be submissive but my first husband did’nt follows those values as I did. He was very abusive and I finally got the nerve through God’s guidance to remove myself from that lifestyle that was’nt a marriage in the first place because God was the leader of our lives nor the relationship but I knew how to be submissive the way God intended and did’nt realize it but I was doing it which tells me that even someone is not saved they can still have desires to what is right. Anyway I’ve desired to remarried after I left my first husband to a wonnnnnderful Godly man. In my opinion when someone desires to be married (SPIRITUALLY) they’ll desired to be submissive (SPIRITUALLY). Most people who don’t allow God to lead in their lives nor marriage because most don’t take marriage seriously and they feel that marriage is over rated.
Aww so happy to hear you finally found yourself a good master!! Good thing you always desired to submit yourself to a man. That’s really the important thing here.
I went into my marriage knowing that submission would be something I need to work on, thankfully for me, my husbands way of leadership makes its easy for me to follow his headship and submit to him. He tells me regularly that I am the foundation that keeps our family strong. He never makes me feel “less” and I love him for that. Submission is important for a marriage led by God, when the woman willingly submits it often times helps the man willingly submit to Christ.
Like Gwendolyn above, it’s simply wonderful that you found yourself a good master! Congrats! That’s really sweet that he makes you believe that your opinion actually matters for something (obviously not as much as his of course but something is better than nothing!) while he goes on making all the important decisions for you and your family. His male parts are a direct line to the will of God after all! It’s only natural and Godly that you would call him your “leader.” So good that there are still some women like you left who never fell for all that femibistic garbage about women being equal in worth and ability men. Again, congrats.
When you have a Godly husband who makes good decision, then yes, submission is perfectly fine, and it’s works, but if you have a man who is not following Gods principals, run for the hills !!!!!!
Yes good point – as long as a man makes good and Godly decisions, it’s a good idea to turn your brain off, put yourself below him, trust his judgement, and deny your very humanity. Otherwise it can be very unhealthy though.
Thank you Niambi. You said exactly what i was feeling
I somehow had the misfortune of stumbling upon this disgusting article and the brainwashed comments beneath it. Seeing how despicably evident it is that you women have been brainwashed by religious bigots into thinking women are inherently subordinate to men, I’m sure none of you are going to understand what I’m saying. In fact, it’s probably a waste of time for me to even say it. But I feel the need to nonetheless. People like you are everything that is wrong with religion. People like you are the reason why I can hardly bear to associate myself I with the title, “Christian,” though I do believe in Jesus and strive to have a personal relationship with him. People like you will continue to alienate sane people from the sick “Christianity” you present. It’s terrible enough when men use the bible to subjugate and dehumanize women by taking a literal interpretation of it. When a WOMAN does it….there are just no words. Shame on the author of this article and shame on all of you above. God may have inspired some humans to write the Bible thousands of years ago as a general GUIDE but not every word in it can be taken literally. God ALSO gave you that squishy thin in between your ears called a brain that you (and anyone who spews the degrading “submissive wife” garbage that you do) have clearly Josef to ignore. Because if you didn’t that brain would tell you that the Bible was written by middle eastern men two thousand years ago by who lived in a culture where women were (and still are) considered subhuman. That brain would also tell you that a healthy marriage should be an EQUAL PARTNERSHIP of two adults where the bigger the decision is, the more important it is that they BOTH play an equal role in that decision. That brain would also tell you that you’re idiotic euphemisms are not hiding the sad, despicable truth behind what you’re really saying – that women are not as valuable as men and were created to serve them. How sad that Christianity is still plagued with this kind of ignorance. How sad that women like you still even exist in this day in age in a civilized country. How sad the sexist example is that you are setting for your children. I said it before and I’ll say it again – you should all be ashamed.
Due to the fact that my above comments were written on my phone, I do realize that there are quite a few spelling/format errors because of the autocorrect feature and because of the speed in which I was typing. However, I take great solace in the fact that I still sound more intelligent than any of the brainwashed cattle above.
Sorry I’m just seeing this! Thanks for sharing such passionate comments.
Is this how you typically respond to views/opinions that differ from yours? Wow. Scary. I wonder what the intentions were behind your comments. To belittle, to embarrass or to get others to submit to your way of thinking? Interesting.
Oh please. Cut it out with the bs euphemisms. “Submissive” means what it means:
sub·mis·sive
/s?b?misiv/
Adjective
Meekly obedient or passive.
Synonyms
meek – obedient – humble – docile – tame – dutiful
It is a word used to describe good dogs, servants, and slaves. And that’s EXACTLY how the men who wrote this passage of the Bible meant it in regards to women.
If you have any respect for yourselves and your fellow femalekind, do not use this word when you’re talking about marriage. If you don’t (like many of the above commenters), then go right ahead and keep using it.
To the author – it seems that you are attempting to manipulate the words of a book written 2,000 years ago by men who were products of their culture, viewing women as subhuman to themselves, to look as though they weren’t actually trying to say the ugly thing that they were INDEED intending to say. If you look at some of the repulsive, brainwashed, disturbing, and, frankly, just plain sad comments your article has stirred (ex: ttjam, gwendolyn, felicia) this should confirm what I’m saying. These sad women are the ones who are truly illustrating what the men who wrote the Bible meant when they said, “wives, submit to your husbands.”
You, on the other hand, seem to be desperately stretching to make something so backwards into something it’s not – reasonable. If you & Niambi (one of the only semi-sane sounding commenters above besides Kaitlin, who is 10000% correct) are meaning to say something reasonable like mutual respect, compromising on BOTH ends (which it seems like you may be – I hope), THEN SAY THAT. But, for the love of God (quite literally), do not say “submissive” simply because it’s in the Bible.
The key here is not being unreasonable, crazy and brainless enough to take the every word of the Bible LITERALLY and disregard the context it was written in.
Thank you too, Alyssa!!! Very nice of you to share your honest opinion about my article.
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