Regardless of the reason for porn use, it can create personal and interpersonal problems. As you witnessed with your husband, porn addiction can contribute to desensitizing. He is having difficulty becoming aroused because of his unwillingness or challenges with being romantic with you.

I offer reasons listed above so that you can consider a different perspective. Understanding what drives your husband’s behavior is a necessary step toward saving your marriage. We do not always have to agree with our spouse’s behavior, but we should seek to understand it. I have worked with individuals who have loss their jobs because they could not resistant the urge to watch porn at work. I say this not to alarm you or to create anxiety, but to help you understand that addiction to porn is not just a mind over matter issue. Some individuals need treatment. Unfortunately, I have never seen an addict resolve an addiction without some form of help.

I understand that you feel violated and unappreciated, but I can assure you that attacking your husband and persecuting will not help your cause. As matter of fact, this kind of behavior will likely cause his secretive behavior to escalate. Some people view porn as a societal evil and others view it as an expression of high sexual gratification and pleasure. Based on your marital distress, it appears that you and your husband have different views about porn. For this reason, I highly recommend that you seek professional counseling.

While mental health professionals have different views about porn being an addiction, we do agree that any behavior that is uncontrollable and contributes to personal or relationship dysfunction should be addressed in treatment. In summary, to prevent porn addiction from destroying your marriage I recommend that you seek to understand it and get professional help. A sex therapist can help you and your husband work through this challenging issue.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.