It’s raining. Each raindrop gently falls as though it were a small piece of the clouds, descending to the earth below. Ever so softly, the steady fall of drops whisper a melody as they splash upon their window pane. Inside, a pair of lovers, oblivious to the outside world, lie there affixed in each other’s embrace.

Now that I’ve got your attention. I just described the steamy opening scene of a CSI episode I recently watched. But it could easily describe any number of network episodes, films, videos, novels, etc. Because let’s face it, sex sells; we have a love affair for love making. You clicked on the article, didn’t you?

But, fellas, if you’re taking your cues about love making from these Hollywood movies and shows—or, worse, those San Fernando Valley movies—then you have it all wrong. The true act of making love starts way before the bedroom. Curious still?

Love or Sex

Let’s first be clear on the word love. The line of demarcation that once separated “love” from “sex” has been so muddied that the words have become interchangeable but, overwhelmingly, the sex act itself has defined them both. Any mention of love conjures some physical display of affection of some sort, whether explicit or not. If we add “making” as the precedent to “love” in sequence, the more graphic connotation is derived.

Yet, I would argue these words should not be synonymous. Think for a moment. You love family members, you love friends and you love your pets. You don’t imply the other meaning because that would be really, really gross, right?

So “What is Love?”

A few months back, I was having a conversation with two men about women and love. The elder of us said something that I had never heard before. He said, “Love is a behavior.” Did the proverbial light bulb burn bright for you as it did me in that moment of enlightenment?

If you think of natural animalistic traits, a behavior is an internal response or instinct to act in a certain manner. Essentially, love is an impulse to care, support and devote yourself to the receiver of your love. When two people exchange vows at a wedding, they are pledging to uphold the behavior of love for better or worse. They’re committing to have the same behavior regardless of the circumstance (not quite the sultry picture I described earlier).

Making Real Love to Her

So by now you have likely figured out, this article is not dishing out Kamasutra positions (sorry). It’s intended to show you what really loving a woman entails.

I once heard a seasoned minister say, “Making love to a woman doesn’t start the day of. It starts in the days before.” That’s a lesson that comes with age. And fellas, if I still have your attention, I want you to grasp this lesson.

The right way to make love to a woman isn’t just through the physical act—it may be a byproduct but never the goal. The art of making love is one of intention. Loving a woman…I mean truly loving a woman should be instinctive. You should have this hard-wired desire to do whatever you can to please her, support her, provide for her, protect her, etc.  And as with any art form, the art of love is a skill that is learned and perfected over time, requiring much patience and dedication. And that, fellas, is how you make “real” love the right way.

BMWK: Are you making love the “right” way? What does real love mean to you? Ladies, is your man loving you the “right” way?