by Harriet Hairston
“I don’t think infidelity is inevitable, but monogamy is definitely unnatural!” ~ BFP
I wrote an article a while back about whether or not monogamy was realistic, but even in all the commentary, questions about the validity of relationships–specifically marriages–still arise in my mind. Those questions mentally bombard me, especially after reading statements like the one above.
Are viewpoints that marginalize marriage as irrelevant in today’s society gaining steam?
Would all the residual effects of the breakdown of the nuclear family be resolved if we removed all boundaries from relationships?
The answer to those questions are “Yes,” and “No,” respectively. Nevertheless, what puzzles me is how intelligently others can argue their points against monogamy. For example, Mason Jamal, a contributing writer on Black Voices, stated the following in his article, “Open Marriages and Closed Minds:”
“After all, by and large, the average American is sexually repressed…We have a hard time warming up to ideas that stray from our conventional family values when it comes to sex and marriage…We’re quick to judge…We want everyone else and their relationships to confirm our values and to embrace monotony monogamy because we feel safe that way…We’re socialized to believe that to love someone is to never be with anyone else.”
Which leads me to even more questions:
What exactly constitutes sexual repression?
Is there something wrong with “conventional family values?”
Does embracing moral absolutes equate to being judgmental? If so, does that mean if I disagree with the assertions made above, I’m being “quick to judge?”
Does monogamy = monotony? Certainly not in my experience, where I’ve learned to make love to one person 10,000 ways instead of sexing 10,000 people one way…but hey…what do I know?
This is not an attack or diatribe against BFP or Mason Jamal. Both individuals are extremely intelligent (smarter than me, anyway LOL) and talented in their crafts. It just amazes me how much my mind and spirit refuse to budge on the unequivocal view that marriage is for one man and one woman, and the commitment therein is both mutual and monogamous.
Does that mean I have a closed mind? Quite the contrary. It just means that for me and mine, we choose to do sex, marriage and family the way the Lord prescribed.
Although I’m unwilling to agree with an open marriage (which seems like the greatest oxymoron known to man), to each his or her own. I just need more help understanding WHY marriage and monogamy are getting such raw deals these days.
Can anyone help me out?
God bless!
~ Harriet
@ will
Ive been trying to decipher your point of view and how voting and monogamy could possibly be an analogy…. furthermore, who exactly are your words intended for?
“I just need more help understanding WHY marriage and monogamy are getting such raw deals these days.”
Seriously? You mean you don’t understand why? Seriously, you’re this stupid? Have you looked around you, lady? Have you seen the statistics? 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, NOT to mention, the epidemic of black children growing up WITHOUT fathers. You seriously don’t see it?