In response to one of our posts, I listed “being a Christian…or some type of religious belief” as an important characteristic to look for in a partner. One of our readers responded by a saying “I don’t understand why Christian should be one of the C’s. Is it not possible to be a good person without being religious?”
Do you think being religious in some capacity is important in a relationship?
Her Veiw
Yes, I think religion is important and is essential to a relationship. I grew up in the Church and there were certain values instilled in me that I also want in my partner and in my kids. I have to admit, when I left for college, I did not attend church the way I did when I lived with my parents. However, I feel like I held on to those values ( for the most part 🙂 ) When I got older, it was important for me to have a relationship with GOD as well as my partner. This is part of what attracted me to my husband.
His View
My answer would be yes but that’s because I believe in religion myself. Something I think goes hand in hand with this though is that I think one of the most important parts of a relationship is being evenly yoked as they say… meaning if you’re very religous I think it works better if your partner is very religous also or the other way around. Of course there are exceptions to the rule where maybe two people are exact opposites and it works but… in general it seems a lot of times extra stress is put on a relationship when one person is moving one way and their partner either isn’t moving with them or is moving in the opposite direction. My take is that you need someone that’s either going where you’re going or already there to help you reach your potential.
In my own marriage, I feel that our relationship with God is key to the success of our marriage. My husband and I both attend church and the rule around our house is “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” meaning He is the head of our home and our lives. My husband and I can visibly see the difference in our marriage when one of us is moving closer to or further away from our relationship with God–it ultimately affects our relationship with one another in either a positive or negative way. I understand that not everyone feels this way, and to each his own, but this is how it works for us.
Eh…I think it’s relative to the people involved. Cause people be calling themselves all religious and full of faith, and be out here carrying on like it’s nothing. I’d say it’s as important as the couple wants to make it. If you’re a religious person, then maybe you might want to be with someone who has a similar thought process For me, it’s not that important. I believe in a supreme being, but not in a particular religion so it won’t mean the same thing to me. I think folks ought to focus on what kind of human being someone is. It may be idealistic, but I think if you have two good people, most things can be worked out.
Dear Couples,
I certainly believe that God and religion are important in any relationship, especially marriage.
However, at the risk of being attacked by other e-mail bloggers, I have witnessed religion as being one of the biggest jokes in the black community.
Having belonged to too many churches, I have seen wife swapping parties, down low brothers thriving, and women with babies and no fathers arrogantly bragging about their church and ministry.
I have seen the things that so-called “santificed” folks do to each other and their marriage partners.
Personally, I have had countless “church” women throw themselves on me and put me on notice that they had “Jesus” and that I did not.
Of course, while they were trying to convince me that I did not have Jesus, I was busy running behind the pastor wearing the usher hat, the runner hat, the secretary hat, and whatever hat I was asked to wear to help out the church.
And, after they finished running their church game, these sisters always ended up running off with some other brother.
I am no minister and I am no expert. But I know that if people really took God seriously, we would all be better off.
I think it’s important for both people to have somewhat similar beliefs. You can’t have an atheist with a mystic. But a Christian can be with a Muslim. To me, it’s the INTENSITY of the spirituality that matters, not so much the denomination.
@ anonymous,
you probably don’t even come around bmwk often enough to read the response to your post, but i had to comment.
i think it’s a crying shame how some churches in the black community have marginalized Jesus through their reprehensible behavior and misrepresentation of the gospel.
it is imperative for Christians (myself included) to learn that we are going to be a representation of Christ if we’re claim that we are “saved.” i’m His ambassador, whether i reflect His principles or not. i’m constantly checking my behavior to ensure that i’m representig Him the way He would want.
this means that the behaviors you described in your post have to cease and desist. Jesus was much harder on the people who were supposed to know better than He was on what we deem to be “sinners.”
But guess who’s coming to the dinner God has prepared for those who believe? Certainly not those who nominally state their belief but respond with contrary action. No, God will send His TRUE servants out to the street to get the prostitutes, the abused, the orphans, the drug dealers, the gangsters, the thieves, because even though they may be “sinners,” at least they KNOW that and therefore can acknowledge their need for a Savior much more than a person who thinks they have it all together can.
i just can’t bear to continue reading about the foolishness perpetrated by my people in church! i’m so grateful to be in a church where that kind of foolishness is not only intolerable, but is nipped in the bud before it can even fester.