From her Red Table Talks to defending her daughter’s hair choices, Jada Pinkett-Smith has shown how important family is to her. In a recent Facebook post, she shared her thoughts on blended families.
Pinkett-Smith draws from her own experience building a blended family with husband, Will Smith, who had a son, Trey, from his previous marriage to ex-wife, Sheree. The two now have two children of their own, Jaden and Willow. Within her Facebook post, Pinkett-Smith touches on the accountability of a woman who chooses to be date a man with children and stated that women who try to come between a man and his children need to “woman up.”
I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children.
Read more of Pinkett-Smith’s post on the Huffington Post.
BMWK — What are your thoughts on her statements? How have you handled being involved with or becoming a blended family in the past?
I have the unique position of having experienced this on three different fronts. First, my parents divorced when I was 9/10 years old. They both remarried wonderful people, and I was blessed to have two sets of parents. When I was 21, I was involved in a horrible car accident, and found myself with both of my mothers wiping my behind. One lifting, the other wiping. I can remember being 15, and asking my (step)father, how could he speak to my dad. He said, that man ain’t did nothing to me. Fast forward, and both dads are deceased, but my mothers remain close. Fussing and teasing with each other, “Girl, you know better, you better slow down”. In fact, when my mother comes in from Conn., my mother makes it a point to come over and spend a few days with her. (Can you imagine being 44 years old, and both mothers are in town, its all good. I also found myself at 23, married with two kids of my own, marrying a woman who had no kids. I set ground rules from the beginning, she was not going to be disrespected by my former girlfriend. And she was not going to disrespect my kids mother. In fact, she ofter took my son, some 400 miles to see his mother. What I learned from my parents was that life was going to offer challenges and problems, but we will win where we can win first, and then fight the more difficult battles. We all put the kids first. And know, I am involved with a woman who has kids herself, and my intent is to be open minded as my parents were, and set ground rules to operate from. If there is no success, it won’t be for a lack of effort, but then again, love of the family demands successful efforts.
Thank you Harold for sharing your story! Kids benefit so much when the parents are able to effectively co-parent!
Harold your situation is great! However I’m constantly on the side of disrespect in my situation. I never stop my husband from being there for his son but it is a difference in the way I interact with his son and other family members. My mom and dad were divorced but my mom married my stepdad who is awesome. I never saw the disrespect that I had to encounter. It’s really tough to have that unity when in-laws side with the ex simply because they feel my husband “should’ve never gotten divorced”. This was something that happened before me but apparently they haven’t gotten over it yet.