BMWK: That was huge Erika!

Erika: Apparently! [laughs]

Chris: That was it! I knew it was a done deal. No one just allows anyone to just eat off their fork. So, inside I’m thinking, ‘Oh yeah, it’s a party inside my mouth, it’s like Super Bowl. We won & everything is going great!

Christine: Is that how you felt Erika? [laughs]

Erika: Well it was we had become friends at that point, and I didn’t expect to be interested romantically. But honestly, and I tell him this too: I asked him if he did something different? He just looked different to me and that was what attracted me to him, but he said no. Granted we were under low light, but I could still see him! But, you remember that Chris?

Chris: Yep, I remember that. My prayers were being answered, ‘cause I was praying at that very moment. And God had allowed her to see me as a more attractive man. [laughs]

Erika: [laughs] that’s funny!

Chris: You can’t deny it! God won’t let her deny it. And…hey! Go ahead…

Erika: Anyway, so that was New Year’s Eve. Fast forward to King holiday:  we went for a hike, and we had such a good time there. And that’s when he asked if we could be exclusive.

Chris: No, no, no, I did not.

Erika: Oh, you’re right, we were holding hands after our hike and we were snuggled up or what not. I was dropping him back off at his house, and we kissed and I asked him what it meant because I don’t kiss my friends. And he says, ‘Oh well you’re mine now’! He told his nephew that I was going to be his wife. I laughed because we had really just started dating. I thought he was crazy.

I told him that before I got married I wanted to do pre-marital counseling. But it’s not to say that after we get finished that we are going to get married. I just wanted to see what it took to make a marriage work, and what’s going to be expected of us, etc. Chris had been married for a couple of years before.

During the time of premarital counseling, I checked everything out and made sure that he was divorced for real…[laughs] and all that good stuff. We went to counseling for about twelve weeks total. It was eight weeks in class and then 4 weeks with other couples.

BMWK: So this was before you even got engaged?

Erika: Yes, this was before we got engaged.

Chris: I knew we were getting married.

Erika: So we finished up the premarital counseling in August. Now mind you, since it had been a year that I had known him, I was starting to have and feel very….attached to him. I saw us being together and with twelve weeks in premarital counseling, we discussed anything and everything under the sun. He was very respectful, and didn’t pressure me for sex.

We really got the chance to know each other in and out. And that’s what I needed. I wanted somebody who wasn’t in it for a physical relationship because a lot of times, it does cloud your judgment. So, October, we got engaged, and December we were married just like he said [laughs].

BMWK: We have articles on the site about the importance of premarital counseling and even preventative counseling. What impact would you say the experience had on your marriage, especially having that foundation before you even got engaged?

Chris: I think that by me being married once, it really opened my eyes to some things that I didn’t even know as far as what a marriage was about. With the marriage counseling, it helped me understand and realize how a husband is supposed to be, how a wife is supposed to be. It helped me see how you’re supposed to treat one another, what the bible says about marriage, and how important it is in God’s eyes. I mean I really got intrigued about it and…I was really glad at each and every meeting, that we decided to go to marriage counseling. It really opened up some discussions with each other…

Erika: …about finances, and even getting down to generational curses, the things that happened in both of our families that we didn’t want to repeat. For example, both of our parents have been divorced. My mom was a teen mother and we didn’t want that to happen to our kids. It allowed us to compare family trees and think about what we wanted to do differently, and how we wanted to raise our future family.

BMWK: Right.

Erika: Yeah, I am so grateful for that. The same person who did our premarital counseling, was the same person who married us, and she still is our counselor even after we got married. So, I think ongoing counseling is huge! For us to have that foundation with her means a lot to both of us because she can also see how we’ve grown through the years.

I always tell people that marriage is a character building experience. It really made me a better person. I went into it thinking that I could never do any wrong. If anything was wrong, it was going to be him, but it wasn’t…that’s not the case. I saw a lot of ways where I’d been selfish in the past and not having as much faith as he does. But I’m a much different person I believe than I was seven/eight years ago. Or at least I hope I am…[laughs].