Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I have been dating this guy off and on 8 years and have always believed that love could conquer all. We have had our ups and downs over the years, but I have never stopped loving him. Despite how much that he tells me that he loves me, he continues to hurt me. How can a man hurt me so much if he loves me?
Sincerely, Cathy
Dear Cathy,
You must realize that love in and of itself is not enough to prevent a man from hurting you. Human beings were created out of love to love, but we allow our emotions to distort that love. I suggest that you look at the intent of a man’s heart. I have learned that good-hearted men say and do bad things when their feelings are hurt. As a result, you should try to pay close attention to a man’s underlying motives. If you detect that he is hurting you because he lacks insight as to how to express his emotions appropriately; provide support, guidance and pray. Basically, you should stick with him. If you detect that he is deliberately hurting you to be spiteful, you should seek professional help if warranted, provide support, guidance and also pray. If the deliberate behavior continues, you should simply remove yourself from the relationship. Love does hurt occasionally, but not intentionally.
Love does hurt occasionally, but not intentionally.
Good luck, Dr. Buckingham
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post
Very well said. I love that you did not tell her to jump to ending the relationship but guided her by providing avenues of how to approach possible solutions.
This has been the worst advice ever. Beloved,love doesn’t hurt or drain you. Love nurtures and feeds your soul. After “dating off and on” for 8 years, it should be obvious that this man is not the one for you. God’s plan for you is to see you prosper, but you cannot realize His plan if you remain stuck in a situation that harms you. Be blessed.
I must say I agree with you. Honestly, I can’t believe the discussion went any further than: We’ve been dating for 8 years and he hurts me. Uhh…..he’s not your husband. Why is this even a discussion. In the words of optimus prime: Transform and roll out!
This was crazy advice given by a “dr.” But then again this was a man she was reaching out to so what do you expect. She should’ve left a long time ago. It doesn’t take that long to figure out if a man is worth keeping. The author said “If you detect that he is hurting you because he lacks insight as to how to express his emotions appropriately; provide support, guidance and pray.” WTF? Really? I’m done!
I swear the silly advice/articles on this website written by the men and the women is getter worse and worse.