In honor of Father’s Day this year, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned over time through the relationship with my dad. Having a father figure in your life is very important and shouldn’t be overlooked. I’ve learned some valuable lessons through the good, bad and ugly times. The ways about love that, through reflection and spiritual growth, have impacted how I approach relationships.

Age doesn’t make you ready for love, but maturity does.

My parents got married when they were in in their early 20’s, probably in a time when that was a decent or logical age to get married and start a family. I too grew up believing that age 25 was the right time for me to marry, but in reality it wasn’t.

I later realized that age has nothing to do with marital preparedness and had a lot more to do with maturity. I wasn’t ready for marriage at 25, and looking back at their failed marriage, it may not have been the right time for them either. I’ve learned to not rely so much on a clock or what society deems to be the natural “next step” in my life, but remain steadfast in faith about the right time for marriage for me at whatever age that’s supposed to be.

My dad isn’t perfect and neither is any other man.

I think this one is most important because many singles are holding out for what’s best or in worst cases–demanding perfection. Despite his flaws, my dad tried his best overall to be a great father to me growing up.

As I’ve gotten older, I realized how freeing it was to forgive him and let go of the hurt I held onto from my parents’ divorce. I realized that forgiveness–a lot like love–is an action that you commit to. This will be vital in my future marriage because I’m not perfect and neither will my husband be. Forgiveness and the humility to be responsible for your mistakes help a relationship stay healthy.

I can’t place an unfair expectation on my future spouse to give me something that I never got from my dad. If you feel as if you’re struggling with a void in your life from not having your biological father around, just know that support systems and mentors come in many forms. Men and women do need examples to learn from and have relationship with. Ultimately our most important relationship is with God who is omnipresent and more than capable of filling all voids in your life.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help.

I remember my dad telling me that he liked it when I reached out to him for help. That reminded me of all the women who are independent minded but have a difficult time being interdependent or rely on a man.

Whether you have had an absent father or poor male role model, it affects how you treat the men in your life. I don’t want to strip away at the role and responsibility that my future spouse will play in my life. In relationships, any selfish behavior or “totally independent woman” notion has to take a seat to a universal mindset of humility, an attitude that is not afraid to be vulnerable or ask for help.

Until I’m in the care of my husband, I still have the covering of my father.

Ladies, if you do not have a positive male influence in your life, it’s not too late to have one. We need to know that someone is genuinely looking out for our well being. It’s a great feeling to have, to remind you that relationships with the opposite sex are not comprised of bad experiences. And, that as everything else in life, there’s a balance to keep your mind and heart open a little more to giving and receiving real love.

So whether it’s a designated day or not, I appreciate my father and the many lessons his mistakes and triumphs have taught me. Father’s Day exists because a woman, a daughter who wanted to give hers and other fathers honor, worked to promote the idea that has expanded across the world. The men in our lives need our encouragement, they need forgiveness,  and they need to feel wanted. Don’t forget that when it comes to the man in your life.