As a matchmaker, part of my job is to collect feedback after I send a couple out on a date. I’ll ask each person to give me their honest opinion and impressions of the location of their meeting, the confidence level of their date, and whether they felt any physical attraction for he other person. I’m often shocked at the small mistakes men make on a date, which can make the difference in whether a woman will feel a spark or if she’ll friend zone him.

I want to see nice guys finish first, so let me share three of the top mistakes you’re making and how to avoid them, so you get the girl.

1. You talk to her like one of the guys

Instead of looking in her eyes, putting your hand on the small of her back or telling her she smells good, you tell her she’s “cool” and that you’d like to “hang out” with her again. Compliments given in the right way and at the right time can help create chemistry with your date. You shouldn’t be afraid to give them to a woman you want to court, otherwise she’ll assume you’re not interested in anything other than a friendship.

2. You try too hard to impress her

Maybe you do give her compliments on a date, but you come across as being too thirsty for her attention because you go out of your way to impress her. You ask her fifty-eleven times if she’s okay with the restaurant, you tell her you can’t believe someone like her wanted to go out with you and instead of telling her you’d like to see her again before the date is over, you say something like, “so do you wanna do this again?”

I understand you want to make sure that she’s happy, but you’ll come across as unsure of yourself when you try too hard. Be confident!

3. You don’t take control

I’m not talking about trying to control a woman—because that’s not attractive. But I’m talking about taking control of the courtship process. That means tell her you’d like to see her again. Plan the next date with a definite time and place. Pay for the meal. Ask her for her phone number. Share your opinions, dreams or fears. Take a risk.

And as a matchmaker, who speaks to men on a regular basis about your relationship failures and goals, I understand that as a nice guy, rejection feels like death. It’s a good man’s Kryptonite. But if you don’t take a risk, you won’t get the girl. You’ll sabotage yourself before the date is even over and create a self-fulfilling prophesy that she won’t like you anyway.

Brothers, you’ve got to know that women are attracted to men with swag because those guys take charge. But what those men don’t have on you is your sensitivity, your compassion, your kindness and/or your generosity. You are consistent, loyal and dependable. You could sweep any woman off of her feet because she’d trust you to be there to catch her as she falls in love with you. But you have to take a chance and tell her you like her, make her feel something when she’s with you and then take charge of the dating process by being a man with a plan.

I want you to win so you can prove to the world that good men do exist.

BMWK single ladies, what else should nice guys do that would make you give them a chance? Post below!