2. Thou Shall Not Disrespect Me. Respect is best defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone. Feeling adored and respected are powerful emotions because they let us know that we are cherished. You must respect your partner at all times. Your admiration for your partner should be the driving factor that influences your behavior, not external factors. Learn to put your partner first and do not waver in the respect zone. 

   I have learned that people will attack when they are wronged, people will shut down when they are betrayed, but people will also love intensively when they are respected and adored. Respect is a vital relationship principle that must be present. My favorite personal quote: Respect me or leave me, because disrespect is not an option. Without respect, effective communication is impossible.

3. Thou Shall Not Engage in Ineffective Communication. Ineffective communication refers to poor communication that often leads to fighting, power struggles and unmanageable frustration. This kind of communication is counterproductive to relationships because messages sent are not understood or received. In order to have a thriving and healthy relationship, effective communication must be present. 

   Effective communication is a two-way information sharing process, which involves one person sending a message that is easily understood by the receiving person. I have learned that if you talk at people they will shut down, but if you talk with people they will open up.

Complying with this commandment is extremely important because effective communication can repair broken trust and disrespect, but the other two commandments cannot repair ineffective communication.

Given that you want to save your relationship, I believe that you should strive to develop healthier relationship skills. You destroyed the trust in your relationship by sleeping with a friend; disrespected your boyfriend by lying to him and intensified the issue by not communicating effectively. However, despite this unhealthy behavior I am confident that you can save your relationship by learning and complying with the three relationship commandments listed above. If you or your boyfriend would like to receive individual or relationship coaching to rebuild trust, restore respect and communicate effectively, I am available.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.