Dear Autumn,

So here we are again. It’s been several months and I must say I’ve enjoyed the break away from early sunsets, grey skies, and chilled windowsills. I can admit though that I’ve missed the lattes spiced with cinnamon, pumpkin and peppermint. I can swallow my pride and say that the changing of the leaves are romantically beautiful. I can say that I’ve missed the close comfort of multiple layers, leather jackets, and a sharp hat that fit my personal style. There’s someone else however that I haven’t been looking forward to seeing besides the first frost of late season. I’m not looking forward to running into Cold Lonely Nights (CLN).

I remember in high school when we used to crack jokes on CLN, saying it’s “cuffing season” and everyone’s thirsty to have a boo to be up under all of the sudden once the temperatures dropped. The summer is over and so are the opportunities to meet more people in more places. Man, it’s too cold to go out sometimes, and as I get older, it feels colder and colder, Autumn.

I had it all planned out until CLN came along. I was going to have a relaxing night at home every Friday, catch a movie, my favorite show, or listen to some good music with a warm meal or snack and be happy to have made it through the week. But on that first cool Friday last week, CLN hit me out of nowhere. It started off with a few friends from out of state posting their plans for the evening—celebrating yet another birthday—and updating their Facebook with up-to-the-minute details. After I returned to my home page after work was done, I saw an unexpected message that brought a drop within me so heavy I felt like falling to the floor.

“We’re Engaged!!!!!” shouted the status update of one of my exes. It was a nice ring and the couple looked so happy; I mean, how could I not be happy for them, right? I’m glad they found someone, I thought to myself, but CLN sent me an instant message at that moment saying: “Hey, when’s the last time you talked to so-and-so? It’s good they’re engaged now I GUESS, but it’s cool that they included you in their special moment.”

Autumn, that was not what I wanted to hear. I tried hard to fight the temptation to look on their profile page and view photos from the engagement and the months before (God, did I really say months?). With every click I went back and forth within my mind on how things were great and then how we broke up. I’m just glad we’re amicable and at least talk on the phone every now and then to catch up, but I wasn’t getting an engagement vibe five months ago…at least, that’s when I think we last talked.

After my lust for cyber stalking was gratified for the hour, I felt worse than someone with a hangover. My spirit was heavy and tired, my mouth drooped and sullen, and defeat was speaking sweet nothings in my ear. It was time to leave work. I put on my heavy jacket and hat and took the rest of my belongings with me. It was happy-hour for some, but not for me. I walked past couple after couple, hand in hand, arm and arm, exchanging glances and laughter with each other; feelings that I had not experienced in God knows when.

For some reason it felt like a sting within me to see this now than any other time this whole year. Autumn, there’s something about you that brings a certain magic in the air when it comes to love. “It’s too cold out to be alone,” whispers a voice. CLN, I can’t with you. While in my daze of lovers and lack of love of my own, I passed up the video store to pick up my movie for the night, the film for my inaugural Autumn Friday night hangout with myself. Autumn, I was cool with being single, til Cold Lonely Nights showed up…