To all the Christian ladies out there, are you wondering why Christian men prefer dating a non-Christian woman? When I started talking about this topic, I was surprised by how many single Christian men spoke up. They shared their own reasons as to why they no longer date or marry Christian women, and that is what I want to share with you all today.
In this article:
- There Is More than Meets the Eye
- Unvalued
- Your Pastor, Deacon, and Church Family
- Too Busy
- No Other Exposure
- Too Sanctimonious
- Outside His Social Circle
- Not Submissive
- Not Feminine Enough
- Two-Faced
- Not a Prize
- Always Preaching—Not Listening
- Can’t Date Jesus
Why Do Christian Men Prefer Dating a Non-Christian Woman | The Men Speak Up
There Is More than Meets the Eye
In my previous article, I asked why do Christian men prefer dating a non-Christian woman. Referencing some of the high profile Christian pastors and leaders who have turned to Hollywood to find their mates (Pastor Devon Franklin and actress Meagan Good, Gospel artist Israel Houghton and singer/talk show host Adrienne Bailon, Pastor Jamal Bryant and R&B singer Tweet, etc.).
In that article, I spoke with single Christian women to get the reasons they’ve encountered as to why they were being overlooked for less-traditional church girls and women outside the church altogether, as well as the challenges they face with Christian dating.
Little did I know that single Christian men would be so vocal regarding this topic. I received countless emails, social media post, and instant messages. The men were ready to talk and express their feelings regarding this hot-button topic.
Ladies, hold on because some of the answers you might not be ready for. And also, note, this is not an attack on all Christian women; it’s just the perception of these men. So please remember, I am just the messenger.
[Before going any further, I would like to apologize to the men. In my previous article, my intention was to share what seemed to be taking place more frequently in the church. It was never to imply that “all” Christian men were guilty of this behavior, so I apologize if that sentiment was implied.]
Here are the top 12 answers that I repeatedly received as to why Christian men (between the ages of 30-55) date outside of the church.
Unvalued
Men say they need to feel valued and needed. They claim Christian women do a poor job of making a man feel that way. Christian women act as if they have a chip on their shoulder and don’t need or want a man because they have Jesus. So, the men go where they are wanted and needed.
Your Pastor, Deacon, and Church Family
There should only be one man in your relationship and that is the man you are dating—not your pastor’s opinions, statements, or sermons. These men say they don’t want to hear what the pastor had to say.
When Christian women constantly state, “Pastor said this and Pastor said that…” it turns a man off. He wants to be the only one who you admire and quote, not your pastor. (Plus, he’s uncomfortable that another man has so much sway over you.)
Too Busy
They think the most traditional church girls are not available because they are in the church 24/7. It’s hard to date a woman who isn’t available.
No Other Exposure
They say some Christian women have a limited point of reference because all they know is the church. They say most lack balance. For example, they can quote the Bible but can’t discuss the latest topics affecting the culture. Their life experiences are limited, they aren’t well-traveled. Some lack cultural exposure and many are clueless to world events.
Too Sanctimonious
There is only one God, and these men say they don’t want or need the woman in their life playing the role of God. We all mature and grow spiritually at a different pace. They say, just because a man isn’t growing at the same rate or slower doesn’t mean he isn’t growing.
Though it’s nice to want better for your man, these men think God doesn’t need a woman badgering or judging him regarding his spiritual maturity. If God is okay with the rate of his spiritual growth, why aren’t you?
Outside His Social Circle
For some high profile, high revenue generating Christian men, they prefer a woman who has been exposed to wealth and a certain lifestyle. They want to ensure that these women aren’t after their money or position. They want to be able to date someone on an “equal” playing field. And, they think, most women in the church have not been exposed to a “rich and/or famous lifestyle,” so it’s difficult to find someone of the same caliber in most churches.
Not Submissive
Ironically, while Christian women should be more apt to submit to a man because of scripture (Ephesians 5:25; Ephesians 5:33), men see the opposite from women in the dating stage. Although these scriptures reference the actions of a wife and not a date; some men find it hard to find a woman who is ready to embrace the role of submission during the dating process.
Based on her behavior, they doubt if she is willing to submit in marriage. Others think some Christian women keep their guard up to protect themselves from the wolf in sheep’s clothing, and that wall of protection often comes across as combative in the dating stage.
Not Feminine Enough
They say Christian women have lost their femininity and forgotten how to be a woman—nice, friendly, soft (not hard like a man), flirty, and fun loving — which are very attractive qualities to a man. Perhaps in an attempt to portray purity, they think these women reject their sexual appeal.
Two-Faced
They believe some Christian women are fake and phony. They act as if they have everything together, but in actuality, they don’t. For them, women outside of the church are honest about their issues. And those women don’t have a problem letting you know they aren’t perfect. Christian men like and appreciate this honesty because it allows them to know who and what they are dealing with.
Not a Prize
These men think some Christian women think they are a man’s reward—and not the other way around. These Christian women, therefore, don’t treat their man like a prize. These men feel like they won’t be appreciated or respected for what they bring to the table.
Always Preaching—Not Listening
Everyone is guilty of this behavior, but these men think Christian women are the worst. When a man is sharing with a woman, he wants to be heard. He doesn’t need or want the Biblical solution all the time, nor does he want to always hear how someone else prayed away the problem. He just wants you to LISTEN.
Can’t Date Jesus
A lot of Christian women have lofty, unrealistic expectations of men. If the man isn’t perfect like Jesus, then he needs to be like the pastor. In the minds of these men, they think many women are either trying to gain the attention of the pastor, marry the pastor or date his clone. They think Christian women need to allow a man to have the ability to be himself, make mistakes and be human.
I must admit, I was shocked by some of these statements, I’m guilty of a couple myself. But please understand, this article isn’t meant to divide, shed blame, or stir up controversy. It’s only meant to address the real feelings some Christians feel when it comes to the topic of dating. And we just want to give you the best Christian dating advice. Hopefully, both of these articles have shed one light on the work that needs to be done and/or the stereotypes that need to be broken in our relationships. When you know better, you can do better.
BMWK – What do you think? Do you agree with these points about why Christian men prefer dating non-Christian women?
Up Next: Dating As A Christian: Do You Have To Be Worldly To Be Dateable?
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on Nov 16, 2016, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.