The other day I received this question in my inbox:
“What do you actually have to do as a single Christian young woman to meet your man. Wait? Or is there are something else?”
With so many Christian singles hearing dating advice like “wait on the Lord,” it’s no wonder this sista is confused and looking for real answers.
The messages to Christian singles are conflicting. They’re told to “wait” until marriage to have sex. At the same time they’re supposed to “wait on the Lord” before getting married.
I remember feeling frustrated with this advice when I was single. I wanted to know specific things I should do to meet the right man. But all I heard was: “Wait.”
Now that I’m a dating coach and matchmaker for Christian singles, I can understand the heart of the “wait on the Lord message.” I believe it genuinely comes from a heart of protection, designed to keep people from making mistakes.
For example, when I was 20 years old, the church mothers told me to “wait on the Lord,” when they saw I was going to marry a man who was emotionally and verbally abusive. They could see the signs before I could and they wanted to help me avoid pain.
“Wait on the Lord” was secret code for “Baby, don’t marry that man. This isn’t a healthy relationship. I don’t want you to make a mistake.’
The mothers were right.
Waiting to hear from the Lord before you make a decision to marry someone is wise. Waiting to meet a man is not.
First of all, this message is mostly directed to women, not men. It puts women in a passive position, where they’re waiting for something to happen to them. “Work on yourself,” they’re told. That amounts to reading your Bible, praying and going to church.
At the other extreme, they’re told to keep their legs closed, their standards high, and if they’re mistreated, it’s because they didn’t show the man how to treat them.
Question: While the women are told to wait, the men are told to do …what?
If we are going to keep telling women to wait, then we need to tell the men to hurry up!
Secondly, if waiting on the Lord is the main way women are supposed to meet a man, how is this supposed to happen if many of the people in churches are either already married or have congregations that are mainly 80-90% women? Also, many churches don’t have ministry to singles in the specific area of helping them get married.
Most Christian single women who share their frustrations with me go to church, work, and then home. They might hang out with their girls or go on a cruise. They’re encouraged and rewarded to focus on their career, keep themselves pretty, and focus on self-love. These are all great things to do.
But how can someone meet a man that way? Is Mr. Right supposed to walk up to your house while you’re inside watching Scandal, knock on your door and announce, “Hello, I am your husband!”
If he did, you’d call the police!
Staying at home, focusing on work, and taking care of everyone else, is not waiting on the Lord. It’s hiding!
There’s a more empowering way to wait, one that I think reveals what the phrase “wait on the Lord,” really means in scripture.
“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Waiting allows you to mount up, run and walk. It gives you strength to do something and to not give up when you feel weary.
Waiting is an action word.
It means you don’t leave things up to chance or expect something to just happen to you. Yes, pray and trust God. Then put feet to your faith! There are things YOU must do to meet and marry the man of your dreams. Are you ready? God has been waiting on you!
BMWK: Did you wait or did you put feet to faith and started running?
Dr. Aesha, you need to start reading Exodus 2:11-22. There is an old song, “It is all in the Word.”
Very good read..interesting stuff. .I to have been told to trust God. .which I do..made bad choices when it comes to men…but in the meantime. .I do go on dates…and take things slow..try not to rush…All the while waiting for God …
SAUNDRA BLACKWELL says
I FEEL SORRY FOR WOMEN LOCKED INTO MALE INSTITUTED RELIGIOUS DENOMINATED
FOUNDATIONS. I READ A BOOK BY STEPHANIE KOONZ, THE HISTORY OF MARRIAGE.
I COULD NOT FIND A DEFINITION OF THE ORIGIN OF THE WORD MARRIAGE AS WE
KNOW IT TODAY, SOME WORD TAKEN FROM FRENCH OR LATIN, TRANSLATION A
UNION BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN, I COULD NOT FIND IT IN THE HEBREW TONGUE
EITHER. I HEAR MEN SAYS IT WAS ORDAINED BY GOD? I LOOK FOR WORD ORIGINS
THAT ARE BEING HUNG AROUND THE NECKS OF WOMEN, WHEN TRACE THE ORIGINS
AND MEANINGS AND TRADITONS OF MALE DOMINATED SOCITIES, THINGS DON’T
MATCH UP. THE ARTICLE SOUNDED GOOD IF YOU ARE IN THE CHRIST FILLED
WORLD OF SOME WOMEN
Very refreshing read.its good to know that someone understands and understand the reality of single hood and how it relates to Christianity.please write more posts
Ron Dabbs says
Im 53 years old also and still single. The “waiting for the right person” affects us Christian men also. We can wait until ,,,forever, and nothing happens. BUt also, I find im in a difficult age bracket where even divorced women don’t want to begin another relationship and that makes it tougher.
Renae Bliss says
Hello Miss Aesha. Im not sure if you remember me but we were FB friends for a long while. Your article touches on many things the women in my Singles ministry are brought to tears over; including myself.