Have you ever prayed, “Lord, show me if He’s the One! And if he’s not, remove him from my life!” If so, I’m here to tell you those words are not the best way to recognize your Boaz.
Here’s why:
Most women who pray this are leaving it up to some supernatural sign, when God wants you to have wisdom and discernment so you can make the best choice.
They say things like:
He prayed over his food, so I figured he’s a God-fearing man
I’ve never had a man quote scripture to me to encourage me before. He must be The One!
He liked me, so I gave him a chance.
He said he’d marry me tomorrow if I stopped being so demanding, so I let him be the man, even though I felt like I was suppressing myself.
What if you didn’t have to look for signs or change who you were, and instead had a clear map to choose the best man for you? It’s possible! Here are 3 tips to help you get started:
1) Take it one date at a time
It’s hard to get to “I do” if you can’t get a date. Who you choose to marry is a big decision, so break it down into smaller decisions such as do you want to go out on another date? Do you want to be exclusive? Do you want to commit and begin courtship?
Most people skip these steps. They go from, “I like you,” to “I can see myself marrying you,” and end up missing important red flags along the way. Sometimes there aren’t any red flags, but there are yellow lights that should cause you to pause and ask if you’re making the right decision.
Resist the urge to look at each man you meet through marriage eyes and instead focus on the present before you imagine a future with him.
2) Understand what makes relationships work
It takes more than love to make a relationship last! Physical attraction is just one brick in the foundation that you’ll build for your marriage. If you don’t know what makes relationships work, you can choose a man based on what you feel for him. He may not have what it takes to make a marriage last!
3) Know Yourself
It’s almost impossible to love someone else if you don’t love yourself. And part of loving yourself means knowing yourself.
Start by understanding how you learned about love. We all learn how to love through several influences such as:
- Parents
- Disney
- Toys
- Movies
- Peers
- Past experiences
- Trauma
- Hurt
- Religious teaching
- Magazines
- Books
- Songs
Most of what you experienced was learned by the time you were 6 years old! So it’s not a matter of if you have cultural & historical baggage that’s influencing how you pick a partner, it’s a matter of which kind you’re carrying.
If you aren’t aware of what’s influencing you, you could pick the wrong people & overlook the right ones.
You also want to understand your basic needs, your core values, and your personality. Once you get clear on these things, make sure that the person you choose to be with accepts you for who you are.
In short, you should choose the man who makes you feel safe to be yourself, who is fit for the institution of marriage and who can go through the dating and courtship process with you.
BMWK, how do you know if the man you’re dating is your Boaz?
Oh! It’s so beautiful article! Thanks! I’m single for almost 5 years. And it’s killing me! I can’t be alone anymore!(( I have even started to use https://kovla.com/datings/us/harvard-heights/ I hope to find my soulmate there!( Thanks for your advices they cheered me up!
Well, what can say my sistas? We must practice using the spiritual gifts of knowledge, wisdom and discernment before selecting a mate.
They leave me I don’t know what am doing wrong. Even my best friend left me for another woman.
Very good article. I have been single for almost three years. I am involved in church activities but while i pray and wait on God, I wonder what else can i do to improve my chances of meeting a christian man.
Hi Loy,
I have tips here, because you’ll have to do more than pray and wait on God. Take a look: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/10/she-who-dateth-findeth-dont-give-up-on-dating/
Love,
Dr. Aesha
I want to say that any man who specializes in jilting or broking the hearts of women dont understand what he’s doing to himself. He lacks the understanding of the place and purpose of a woman. I feel for every lady who suffer heart break or disappointment in marriage. Because am single, Sometimes I even wish that I could marry the sisters that pass through these worries and headaches so as to end their woes (which I cannot do because it’s not for a born again christians). Nonetheless, everything that happens is for a purpose. My sisters, be prayerful and discerning, marriage is first spiritual. Surely, you’ll marrry if the Lord tarry. Note, when you meet people, they are either a blessing or a lesson. Be led by the Holy Spirit above all else.
That is a great one there am also single fighting with men who come my way and all they want is sex bfore marriage!
This is very good. … am also single! I ve been battling with men who come my way to ask for sex bfore marriage!
imfhidy
This article is educating but makes me cry.I have dated a christian guy,we met on campus but broke up immediately after school(when he started working).He said that ‘GOD TOLD HIM I WAS NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR HIM’ only to find out that he was already cheating.I became helpless and cried for weeks but to no avail.It made me never to love deeply,i find it hard to believe in the existence of true love.Someone should help out with something i can do cos I’m loosing my happiness.
Been through a similar experience myself, after I had cried a lot, I accepted the fact that this guy was gone, then I brought myself to believe it was for my good. Thirdly I forgave him, and then forgave myself. I also carried out a self evaluation exercise, told myself some hard truths, where I went n what I did wrong. Finally I prayed n told God exactly how I felt, n i submitted to His healing power. He healed me has given me a new mentality about myself and a new man. Your man is out there and God would bring Him to you, but you have to take yourself, to God first for a full healing n restoration.
Your reply just helped me tremendously!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. We really have to be careful with whom we give our heart to. Our heart is precious and it is very hard to heal once it has been wounded. I was in a 5 year relationship with a man that I thought was “the one”. Looking back, there were several signs, such as his character, his relationship with his demanding family, and many other things, that showed me he was not the man of God that he portrayed himself to be. He moved mountains to get me to fall in love with him and TRUST him with my heart, and once he knew I was head over heels in love, he totally changed. He became negative, stopped going to church, stopped reading the Bible with me….he even stopped praying with me. These were HUGE signs that I should walk away, but my heart was already in it. I’m still hurt but I know that wasn’t the man for me. God says HE knows the plans that He has for us. God has GOOD plans, and He is not the author of confusion. Just be grateful that you didn’t end up marrying this guy and having children with him. Obviously, he has very low, if any, morals because he was cheating on you. I have learned to thank God for unanswered prayers. God knows who is best for us. I’ve put everything in God’s hands because I pick wrong everytime. Until I meet my Boaz, if there is one, I will continue to put God first and serve him. In Isaiah 54: 5, it says God is our husband to us that are unmarried. That gave me a Great sense of peace and joy. I hope it does the same for you. God bless you beloved.
It’s not worth losing your joy and happiness over please dear sister. Same experience here but not until recently I learnt the lesson God wants me to learn – that God makes ALL things to work for the good of those who loves God and are called according to His purpose. Before I was regretting ever meeting the guy and blaming myself; infact at the mention of his name then I get irritated but thanks to God who has healed me now…mention his name a thousand times my heart prays for him because I’ve forgiven him, let go and let God. and lastly now I want to thank God for the new man in my life. Let me quickly add this: don’t ever set standards for God if you actually deserve the best for yourself and you want to move forward. Shalom.
God speaks to us in diverse ways.
Most times we are too busy nursing broken hearts that we cannot recognise God’s assuring words.
We also get signs from God about a man/woman who is not God’s will but allow our heart move first ignoring ourselves and God.
I remember accepting an engagement ring from a man I knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with and I told myself love grows.
I found myself not appreciating anything about him and got worried. I had to go back to God in prayers and was straight with God for understanding on how relationships/marriage works and it was clear that the man wasn’t for me. I had kept myself and had’nt been intimate with him so I shared the feelings with my pastor who prayed with me and I returned the ring. However, I got married exactly a year after to the man God kept for me all these while.
I am happily married to the man God destined me to be with and we are expecting our first child together. God can do yours!
He did mine…..
I met someone recently and we are planning to get married but then we both realized we have the sickling traits and we still want to go ahead with the
marriage as planned.
I met someone recently and we are planning to get married but then we both realized we have the sickling traits and we still want to go ahead with the
marriage as planned. Please, I need your advise