This past weekend, a couple fellas and myself celebrated the end of the week with the traditional happy hour. After a few hours and a few cold ones, one of the single fellas began the usual rant of not being able to attract the woman he’s looking for.

At the age of 25, he felt he was in the “awkward stage” of being too old to find women in the bars and, since he was new to the city, he didn’t have any friends to socialize with who could introduce him to eligible bachelorettes. In short, he felt stuck and out of options.

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“Your problem is not your age, the age of the women your chasing, where you’re chasing them, or the fact you haven’t met a solid social structure in the city yet,” I thought.  “Let’s even overlook the fact that we’re sitting with a group of 10 people including men and women. Your problem is you.”

Too often, when men feel alone or vulnerable, we seek to latch. I’m not saying women aren’t guilty of the same thing, but we’re not talking about that right now.

We’re discussing men who have no other direction than the direction their penis is pointing. And yes, if you simply allow yourself to land wherever your penis is accepted, you’ll find your resting place less than desirable in the long run.

Men: Stop chasing women. Start chasing your best self.

You want to attract and keep a good woman you can build a solid life with?

Give her your vision – backed with your actions.

In all of us, our search for our best mate starts with the search for our best self, not on Tinder.

As men, we get the privilege to choose, but we have to remember that we need to give her something worth accepting.

• What does life with you mean?
• What does a lifetime with you look like?
• What are you striving for?
• Do you even know?

Working on your own vision as a man will set your path. As Morpheus wisely explained to Neo, there’s a difference in knowing the path and walking the path.

And a woman worth her weight can smell right past the man talking a bigger game than he’s living. There’s a lot of bull out there to smell. A man walking in his vision attracts like-minded individuals – of both sexes.

Through your pursuit of your best self, you’ll attract the people around you that you need to bring you to the next level. And a man who values his worth and mission will only allow certain people to get close to what he holds dear and the future he’s trying to create.

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That man will also be able to explain to the women who come into his life what that life will look like – both the struggle and triumph.

This a man who’s not as easily distracted by his need to fill the position for “Netflix and Chill.” He’s looking for someone who adds to his overall life, someone who adds to his vision, someone to fill the position of partner.

When a man pursues his vision through self-development the right people come along.

You want to attract and keep the right woman? Work on yourself. Give her your vision.

You’ll be miles ahead of the man trying to sell her a night of “Netflix and Chill.”

BMWK men, how do you think you can attract and keep the right woman?