We all have our desires of what we want in a mate. However, if we were honest, most of us don’t live up to those requirements, even in our own lives.

So many singles create a detailed list describing attributes of their “perfect mate. However after careful review, they wouldn’t qualify to date themselves. It is okay to desire and require certain attributes in a mate. Just be sure that you are able to complement the characteristics you seek.

Related: Here’s how to stop attracting the wrong man and sabotaging your life

When surveyed, the top 5 desires single men and women want regarding their ideal mate are:

1. Attractive/Physically Appealing – They want someone with a bangin’ body, but are they in shape?
2. Wealthy – They want someone with a hefty bank account, but are their finances in order?
3. Dependable – They want someone who’s got their back, but where are they when trouble hits?
4. Committed – They want someone who’s ride or die, but are they in it for life?
5. Self-Sufficient – They want someone who can handle their business, but can they hold their own?

It’s great to desire these qualities, but are you able to maintain and/or support these qualities in your relationships? Each desired trait comes with an expectation of both parties involved. Are you ready to meet those expectations?

Let’s analyze the expectations of the top 5 desires:

1. Bangin’ Body

Of course everyone wants someone who is attractive and physically appealing (aka “fine”). For most people being physically appealing includes, working out at the gym 3+ times a week, a healthy diet and lifestyle. For those who really enjoy fitness, that also includes outdoor activities such as climbing, biking, hiking, white water rafting, etc.

If you have a sedentary lifestyle and have no desire to work out or participate in any physical actives, how are you able to complement your mate’s physical lifestyle? If your mate is a green smoothie, lean protein, green vegetable individual and you are a less than healthy nutritional choice person how will you bring balance?

If there are major discrepancy within your physical and/or nutritional choices, be prepared to address these discrepancies. A minor discrepancy can easily turn into a nagging irritant in your relationship. Be open and willing to find a compromise that matches both of your lifestyles.

2. Hefty Bank Account

When most women state they want a wealthy man that usually means someone making 6+ figures. A wealthy man sounds great.

• But how will you complement his assets?
• Are you versed in the financial industry?
• Do you have an investment portfolio?
• Can you discuss ways he can advance his financial portfolio?
• Do you know how to manage a 6+ figure income?
• Do you have a 6+ figure mindset?
• Are you making 6 figures?

A wealthy man is looking for someone who can provide balance and offer a strategic ear when needed. A partner who has a mindset to help him amass a fortunate, and offer creative investment ideas and strategies. Are you an asset or a liability?

If you desire a wealthy man, choose to be a wealthy woman. Start by getting your financial house in order:

• Make sure your credit is in order
• Create and implement a get out of debt plan
• Create a savings plan
• Develop your investment portfolio
• Know the financial market, not to impress him but for yourself
• What you do for yourself will spill over into the attributes you can offer your mate.

3. Got Your Back

We all want someone who is there for us. But ask yourself can others depend on me? Make sure that you are supporting others, the way you want others to support you.

4. Ride or Die

EVERYONE wants someone who is committed, faithful and dedicated to their relationship. However, ask yourself are you in a place in your life that you are ready to settle down and be committed to someone.

Related: Fighting temptation and staying committed to your spouse

Are you mentally and emotionally ready to be with just one person? If not, don’t pursue a monogamous relationship and don’t require of others what you are not willing to give. When you are ready, this is a great trait to require, but until then be honest regarding your desire to date around.

5. Handle Your Business

Under this category men stated they wanted a woman who has her own purpose and has other things going on other than being in a relationship. This is a novel idea. However, most men want to be needed.

And if your mate is too self-sufficient or too successful outside of your relationship, is that really okay for you? If not, are you able to express your need to be more active in her life? Will you resent the fact that she doesn’t need your help?

This is a great trait to admire. But be honest with yourself and your potential mate. If you have a need to be needed, say so. A woman who is accustomed to doing everything will welcome the assistance you provide.

As you can see, there is more to your desires than meets the eye. You must be willing to be what you desire. If not, your desired traits could become a problem. When establishing your desires make sure you are in a place to complement them. In addition, ensure that those desires align with the trajectory for your life.

BMWK, Are you what you desire in a mate?