I find it interesting that people are very discriminating about the brand of wine they drink, whose food they will eat at the company potluck, which stores they will shop at, even which brand of gas they put in their cars.

However, these same people with very discriminating taste, don’t seem to be as selective about who they choose to enter into a relationship with.  I’m sorry let me be clear. They do in fact look at the shiny exterior of their potential mate and make their selection accordingly; but fail to look at the things that really matter.

Being in a relationship with these people is mentally taxing and emotionally draining.

For instance, they look at their potential mate’s physical beauty, financial status, educational pedigree, career, attire, etc. However, they neglect to really look at personality traits and behaviors to determine if their potential mate is relationship material.

Moreover, they often select a mate based on what looks and feels good to them rather than on what is actually good for them. There are certain behaviors that are universal red flags and would be detrimental to any relationship. Listed below are (3) personality types to avoid when seeking a mate.

1) People that Are Unwilling to Grow

Be careful about entering a relationship with someone that does not want to grow or want you to grow.  These individuals are often motivated by selfishness, fear, and control.  They typically don’t encourage or support their mate’s personal or professional growth because:

• They fear their mate outgrowing them economically, socially, mentally, physically, and spiritually
• They fear their mate exposing their failures, insecurities, and inadequacies
• They fear losing control over their mate and power in the relationship
• They fear being left alone because of their fear and unwillingness to change
• They fear not being able to compete with their mate’s new experiences, knowledge, and people that accompany growth

Be very leery of these people because they go into overdrive trying to shatter their mate’s dreams, derail their goals, break their spirit, obliterate their self-esteem, and diminish the light in their life in an effort to keep their mate entrapped in the dark spaces of their life.

2) People that Lack Accountability

These individuals ability to wreak havoc is highly contagious. Their mates often becomes infected with the fallout from their behavior. They make decisions that are detrimental to themselves, their mate, and their relationship.

Not only do they feel justified in making decisions that negatively impact those that are closets to them, they seem to be incapable of feeling any remorse for their actions.  These individuals never seek to improve or correct their behavior because they simply don’t acknowledge that their behavior is wrong; which makes them dangerously irresponsible.

Moreover, they fully expect their mates to accept their behavior and clean up their carnage without so much as pointing a finger at them. Being in a relationship with these people is mentally taxing and emotionally draining. These people reveal themselves as:

• Compulsive liars
• Habitual adulterers
• Financially inept
• Irresponsible, impulsive, and immature
• Arrogant and self-absorbed
• Indifferent

3) People that Are Master Manipulators

Beware of this type of person, as they are always seeking ways to get what they want.

They often are only concerned with themselves. They will try emotional manipulation, guilt, embarrassment, intimidation, or will just flat out lie to get what they want.

They constantly employ what I like to call “Jedi Mind Tricks” on their mates.  Unsuspecting mates have to be very conscious and try not to fall into the web of tricks and deceit that master manipulators employ.

They have to remember that this is the manipulator’s way of thinking, acting, and existing. As such, they don’t operate with the basic fundamental human principle of “doing unto others as they would have others do unto them.”

These people will empty their mate’s love tank and leave them broken, confused, angry, and ashamed. Master manipulators are truly to be believed the very first time they show the truth of who they are.

They look for and latch on to people that are desperate, have low self-esteem, abused, those that are unable to communicate what their needs, wants, and non-negotiables are, and people pleasers.

They seek these people as mates because they often allow the manipulator to act without any accountability. You can identify a master manipulators because they always:

• Have an excuse for not being able to maintain a job, keep commitments, fulfill promises, etc.
• Rationalize their behavior
• Deflect responsibility
• Justify their self-importance

There are several other personality traits that people should look out for when seeking a relationship. However, these are a few traits that can be most detrimental to a relationship and a person’s emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.

BMWK family are you as discriminating with your mate selection as you are with brand of wine?