Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and he will be 27 years old in October (I’m 23 years old). Since April 27, 2014, my husband has been withdrawn and told me that he was not attracted to me. We have two beautiful children together and I adored my husband. I was there for him while he was in the Army and when he got out. He had never deployed and had a horrible time at our first assigned duty station. He got out of the Army Feb. 14, 2014. I have never been the type of woman who dressed up. I was more of a tomboy due to the molestation that happened to me by two different family members when I was 7 and 9. So I felt the need to be invisible and my world was good because he was the one who “saw” me.

Fast forward a couple months and he now tells me, he wants to separate. He stopped going places with my children and I, and then he completely shuts me out. I went through and stage of begging him, how I could fix it. I lost over 20lbs and fixed the way I dressed. I changed my attitude and still to no avail. I was beyond hurt when he automatically refused marriage counseling by my pastor. He then told me he wanted to move out shortly after I discovered pictures of him and other women. Out of hurt I ran, (literally) ran away. I packed up my things and my children’s things and went to my mother’s house. The next thing I know, I was paying for the utilities for the house I no longer stayed in and paid for his phone because I loved him. I wanted to show him that even if he didn’t have a job, (and had no desire to find one) that I would do my best to support him.

I loved this man, but he flaunts his new women by the front door so I can see them and it kills me inside. I feel hurt and betrayed and just flat out used. I have been nothing but faithful and devoted to him. I am already starting to separate myself from him, but it kills me. What makes a Woman Good Enough for Love? How did he stop loving me? Why am I not good enough?

Help…A Heavy Heart!

Dear Heavy Heart,

First of all, you are good enough to be loved. As a child of God, you deserve all that your heart desires. Unfortunately, you are looking for love in all the wrong places and for the wrong reasons.

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