Is he the one? Is she the one? As singles, we’re used to asking these questions over and over whenever we date someone. We’re hearing and seeking people’s advice and guidance regarding dating and relationships and often times, we look to family or our closest friends for their thoughts and trusted approval of the person we’re dating. But, how do you know what God has to say about the person you’re dating?
In This Article:
- When God Tells You He’s Not for You
- God Protects Your Heart
- Don’t Settle Just Because You’re Feeling Left Out
- Being at the Same Level of Intimacy with Him
- Learn to Discern
- Be Mindful of Wannabe Relationships
- God Is Preparing You for True Love
- Always Pray and Pursue God
Is He the One? How Do You Know If God Wants You to Be with Someone?
When God Tells You He’s Not for You
One of my sisters in Christ received a word for her life. She got a prophetic word that the guy she was seeing was not the one for her, nor was he even the type of the man she desired deep in her heart. God was reminding her that she was settling. My friend received the word and believes God’s word regarding her life, but she had to make a tough decision– let the guy she’s been talking to consistently know that he’s no longer who she needs to be pursuing a relationship with and the reason is because God said so.
God Protects Your Heart
God gets the glory because He cares about her so much that He wanted to break it down and reveal to her that He doesn’t approve of just anyone seeking to hold her heart. Also, God is a good father, and He is protective of His sons and daughters.
Singles, we have to ask ourselves: Will God approve of the next (or current) person I date? Is he the one God wants for me to be with? Don’t settle for less because you see other people in relationships or getting engaged, married, and starting families.
Don’t Settle Just Because You’re Feeling Left Out
We’re well into wedding and anniversary season so just be prepared for those “I need a boo” feelings. Don’t be discouraged by a lot of people progressing in their next chapters; you never know if they may be settling themselves.
This issue has been brought up before that many Christian couples are getting divorced, reasons including rushing and going by their own will and not the will of God. Don’t compromise yourself by having a mate or going out on a date. God wants us to stick to our convictions of the spirit and be on guard because the enemy will come to tempt us.
Being at the Same Level of Intimacy with Him
I have to share my own experience in this area. I dated someone for two months, and I didn’t have the feeling within me to go forward and be in a committed relationship with this guy.
The Holy Spirit told me to wait a month after this gentleman asked me to be exclusive. I told him “let’s wait a month” and he complied. By the time next month rolled around, we stopped dating! Basically, we were on two different levels of intimacy. I didn’t want to compromise on that and he respected that enough to walk away.
Learn to Discern
It may feel bad to be rejected over something God is asking you to do, but the present suffering will not compare to that broken heart, that STD, that unwanted baby, that guilt and shame that comes from not following “your first mind” which many of us know as discernment. The present suffering will also not compare to the glory of getting someone God approves of or better yet, brings into your life at the right time.
“For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing (better) glory. And if what was transitory (brief) came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!” –2 Corinthians 3:10-11 NIV
Be Mindful of Wannabe Relationships
I was told that the situation was a test for me to see the false before the real. I don’t want to chop it up to just that because the guy was nice to me and had a lot of potentials, but that’s how the enemy works, y’all.
We can date the most attractive, on fire for Christ person, but if God says wait, slow down or stop and do a 180, you’ve got to listen! God knows your desires and the devil does too; he will do anything to keep you off your track to righteousness, including distracting you with wannabe relationships that God doesn’t approve of.
“If I didn’t listen to God, I would’ve made the mistake again of continuing to date someone He didn’t approve of.”
God Is Preparing You for True Love
If you are single and are going back into dating, be on your guard and do not harden your heart when God comes to you with a whisper or conviction about that person you want to spend time with. He doesn’t approve because He wants what’s best for you; we were not created to settle and be “content” with what we have. We were made to have a true reflection of His love in the form of another person if that is His desire for us individually.
Always Pray and Pursue God
Now, there will be times when you may not hear anything from God while in your dating season. Those are the times when you may be getting tested, to apply what you’ve learned so far to the situation at hand. Continue to pray and pursue God in the Bible to get the answers you may be looking for.
Don’t mistake the silence for disapproval, just continue to give God your time, and don’t get distracted by the person you are with. Your discernment, intuition, and wisdom will alert you if something is not right; that’s the Holy Spirit at work.
BMWK ladies, here’s a video from xSoulBeautyx about waiting for the man God wants for you. Watch this and ask yourself if you’re in a current relationship, “Is he the one God wants for me?”
You deserve real love even if you never received it or saw it in your younger days. After reading this article, you can now ask yourself, “Is he the one?” and know the answer right away. We’ve got to hold on and not grow weary of being single. Stay connected and close to God. He wants what’s best for you, so leave the temporary and false satisfaction as my friend did, so He can prepare you for someone with His divine seal of approval. The need to feel loved isn’t confined to marriage or even romance—everyone has a desire to be fulfilled by meaningful relationships and unconditional love. Click here to find out what your “Love Language” is as a single.
BMWK fam, is he the one God wants you to be with? How do you know? Tell us in the comments section below!
Up Next: 7 Of The Most Challenging Dating Issues Facing Christian Singles
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 28, 2014, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
This article was great! Unfortunately, I knew early on that God didn’t approve of the person I was dating and as a result I ended up engaged and having a baby with the person. In the beginning of our relationship I heard a “NO” from God but I continued with the relationship. We attempted to raise our child in the same house but I felt convicted about that so we he will be moving out this week. I grew up always wanting a real family and I’m struggling with the accepting the fact the we aren’t together and have to raise a child.
I did too and wasted 8 yrs. Well it turned out to be a lesson. I learned to listen and take heed when God is convicting me. I was living in the world and yet He heard my cry when I wanted this person removed from my life. You see in spite of knowing this was the wrong relationship part of me wanted him still. So I now me Father had to step in because where I am weak He is strong. And for the next two brief worldly relationships I was able to break it off with one that had potential and The other God just revealed to me his deceptions. Through it all I am rededicated to Christ and living saved and single.
Please be very careful about saying an “unwanted baby”. Every child is a blessing from God regardless of what sitation they came about. It may be an “unplanned pregnancy” but don’t say “unwanted baby” because its as if you are speaking a curse word over that child for their parents to reject them and have ill feelings towards them. In some cases some people choose to have an abortion and kill the baby. These are things we want to avoid and should support someone if they find out they have an unplanned pregnancy.
I meant to say word curse but I hope you can understand the point I am making.
Bridgett, I understand and you have to do what’s best for your walk with the Lord. He will provide and take care of you, you belong to God and He looks after His own. You can still get the dream family that you want. Don’t give up on that dream, just let God handle it and be the best mother to your child. I’m praying for you!
Bridgett, I understand and you have to do what’s best for your walk with the Lord. He will provide and take care of you, you belong to God and He looks after His own. You can still get the dream family that you want. Don’t give up on that dream, just let God handle it and be the best mother to your child. I’m praying for you!
I have a question. In 1st Corinthians 7:9 states better to marry then to burn. Yes there times when God will say no. But God also sometimes give some a permissive will…..
But for some God doesn’t give a permissive will. My question is why? He did say He’ll give us a choice to choose. Yes one may say they’ll rather wait and some may say they’ll rather settle but yet God doesn’t seem to answer that prayer for some even though there was supposed to have been a choice. Why?
Thanks Niambi I totally understand. All children are gifts, so I will definitely respect that in my language next time. God bless!
Great advise tks for sharing. Right word at the right time for me.
Thank you so much for this encouraging article, i happen to be in such situation and i shall continue to pray God to show me the right path. i really desire a fulfilling marriage that will please God. God bless the writer.
Thank you so much for this article! Where was this article 9 months ago! LOL! I was in a relationship with a guy who was fire baptized in the Jesus, but he did not cherish purity. He always talked about me being the one for him to marry, but I did not get ANY conformation. After going on a fast, that God told me not to talk to him and the guy got the hint that he may be a distraction. Like he always talked about marriage, I was not ready and God revealed to me a lot him not handling his finances correctly. How do you expect to he head of a household and you can’t even take care of the simple things like car registration or maintenance. I just didn’t want to be in the relationship if that was his intention and he didn’t see anything wrong with it. He lived with his brother’s family, and he didn’t have friends his age. I am in my twenties and I have all single friends both male/female. I just can’t imagine a 24 year old man not having guyfriend’s his age. All of his friends were married and over 30. He is a youth pastor, but he would always be so immature and joke about inappropriate subjects.
That is definitely no way to guard my purity or his.
I am healing and just re-evaluating myself just trying to understand why I attract hopeless romantic men. I told him he needs to really find who he is in the Lord, but he is so hardhearted and haughty, he doesn’t see the handwriting on the wall. I just didn’t want to settle for less than what God has for me.
So, thank you for this article and may God bless you sistah!
Awesome article. God had been sending me some alerts about someone that I considered to be a potential. I am relieved that nothing serious came out of it, and I now know that those alerts were meant to protect my heart. I encourage all to check-in with God if you feel unsettled about some action, comment, or interaction that you’ve had with someone that you’re either dating or consider as a prospect.
I give up on the whole relationship thing. Im pushing 40 in about three years and if it hasn’t happen yet it’s not going to. To be honest that is what my gut feeling is telling me. Nothing ever works out in that department for me so i give up. I’ve been through a lot and my heart can’t take anymore
Michelle, I feel you 200%! I feel like giving up on the idea of finding “the one”. I am pushing 30 & I get tired of everyone saying I’m still young & have time. I feel like I was just 20 yesterday! It’s discouraging to see women who are 40 & 50 who still have never been married or have kids & I see myself headed down that same road. I hear God talking to me all the time, but the devil is too. God says he has my back, but no one wants to be an old bride walking down an aisle, or the old mother taking their kids to their games. It’s not cute. For those who have children even if it was by someone you are not with you are blessed! At least you have a little one to fill your days & loneliness. I live in a four bedroom house by myself & when I do have free time I have no one but myself. No little one to aggravate me. I’ve made up my mind that if I don’t have a child by 34 I won’t risk having a child after that age for medical purposes & if I’m not married by 36 I don’t want to get married ever. I wanted to give my mate the best of me in my younger years & we grow old together. Not be already old! Why does it seem like the black successful women who have a lot to offer, God doesn’t send their mates? We become bitter, old, lonely successful bags?!! I’m tired of the heart breaks & getting too old for games. God didn’t ordain for everyone to be married & find this fairytail true love. This article was great for those who are suppose to find true love.
I have never found anyone else who has ever been able to put into words how I truly feel! I was in a wonderful relationship with a man until here recently. A few months ago, we started having problems, and he decided to step out of our relationship into another one (he cheated). This was a man I was going to marry and have children with. I am a bit older than you Marie, but I to wonder if true love is in the cards for me.
What do you do if GOD doesn’t approve of the person you married?? I believe after reading this article, I don’t have the true reflection of GODs love with the man I am married to. I have discerned for years he isn’t the one I should not have married. We have been married 26 years. I left, we seperated for four years, GOD changed my life and my heart for this man. When we renewed our vows eleven years ago, I thought it was a new start and the beginning of a healthy marriage. I have been miserable ever since, I changed but he felt he had to be this hard core man to be in a relationship with me. He didn’t change, he become so distant and always has his guard up with me. He Hasn’t let go of the past and will still til this day throw my sins in my face. After much time with GOD, I don’t believe Anymore GOD hates divorce, he does tell us to not be unequally yoke. My husband is a believer, just not being the man and husband I need in the mist of things happening in my life. I don’t want to give up on my husband and our marriage again. With my discernment it has become hard to walk away again. Because I do want to please GOD in how I live my life as his wife and mother to our children, we have six daughters and I am pregnant now. I believe GOD hasn’t approved of this marriage it was just what I wanted, to restore the marriage and be right with GOD. My intent and heart was in the right place, I think it was with the wrong man. I know this is not the way GOD intended it to be when he changed me, it is a unhealthy relationship. my husband criticizes me, condemns me, disgrades me and judges me. The verbal abuse is so much to bear, I had to realize the things he says to me are nor who I am in CHRIST and hasn’t been who I have chosen to be. I left the church we attended but he still goes, a lot happened and the church isn’t what GOD teaches us to do as a body of CHRIST. Since I left I am demon possessed out of order and corrupt and it is destroying our marriage the way he see me now for leaving. I have so much peace since I left and I am in a biblical correct church. Our oldest four still go to the church with my husband. I want to get my children out of that church, my husband won’t let me take them to the church I attend. All the stress and turmoil I was under, I left the church six months ago. I believe was the cause of me losing our triplets, My so called christian friends gossiped about me for having more children. The pastor told me not to have anymore children, there is a big issue with control in leadership. A lot of the people don’t make a decision without the pastor approval concerning their own lives. I am obedient to GOD and don’t follow a man and won’t be outside of the will of GOD cause of the pastors opinion or anyone else. I know from everything that transpired after I left the church. My husband showed me what type of a man and husband he was deep down. I do love my husband and have been trying for the last six months to endure all this. I believe GOD had to show me thru all that happen he doesn’t approve of my marriage and has been giving me wisdom in showing me who my husband really loves and that is just himself. My husband says he loves me, I know as much as it hurts this isn’t a godly man truly loving his wife as GOD has instructed him to do as CHRIST loves the church. Now my husband loves the church without any hesitation with me I don’t get the same grace, patience and love he shows the church members. I share all this to say, as the HOLY SPIRIT lives within me, it’s not just who we date GOD will disapprove of it is also who we have married too. GOD can and will show us we have chosen the wrong person and path. My prayer to GOD now is guide my steps on the right path LORD and remove this man from my life if he is truly not the man you approve of for me and my daughters…
So what does that mean for someone like me who is two years removed from a three and a half year relationship with a Godly woman who dumped my on my keester because of the same reason? What about me? What about the other men and women who are left broken and bereft of purpose due to being dumped because God allegedly told their mate to do so? What do I do with the emptiness? What do I do with the heartache? What do I do with the rage? That impossible anger strangling the grief until the memory of my loved one is just poison in my viens. ANd then one day, I find myself wishing that the person I loved had never existed, just so I would be spared my pain. What happens to people like me who do not want anyone else and no one else will do?
I’ve been with this guy like for about one or two weeks, I mean from my point of view, I could say he is everything I was praying for, it’s just the way I see he is, I remember I first saw him on Facebook preaching the words of God and suddenly I felt proud of him for doing the right thing (preaching the words of God ). Everything was just ok , I was always liking his post about God, his messages and everything until one time he texted by saying hello and I replied back. You know under people texted me but I never felt like texting them , but with him it was different mwen text for a while until one time he asked me for my number and I gave it to him, so after we started to text through phone number now (whatssap, messages), we talked and talked until one time he told me that he had always wanted to talk to me, he used to checked my Facebook page and that he likes how I’m posting about God and stuff.he lives like 4hours from me, I live in New York and he lives in Boston, we talk and talk and he told me that he loves me, I make him feel good, I make him like something he lost some time ago and he felt like I was giving it to him, I must say I feel the same. One time we decided to meet up, he came to new york and I remember I was at work when he came but he wanted to pass by just to see me that night, and we did,, omggggggg! !, the first time I saw that man wowww this feeling like it’s him, he’s the one I need, I need a man of God, someone who will not give up on me, someone who will pray with me, someone who is living for God, woww that feeling was undescrisbdable, we hug and it feels good, he kissed me that night. The next day we saw again for a second time and something happened, we weren’t happy about it, but something he told me was hey we did something wrong, I’m sorry, God is not happy but He still loves us, He hates the sin but not us, wowww that gave me courage right there. To make it short I feel that guy is something I was praying for, yesss we argue a little sometime, but we don’t want to give up, we want each other. One thing for sure God let it happen for a reason, I feel like I find someone Better than the one I thought I need, and I’m going to trust God on that one . everything just feel so good.
Please just be careful sister to not be basing your decision on your feelings or his but on God’s mind! I care about you and God really cares for you!!