by Harriet Hairston

As you know, the United States is at war with a few countries right now.   Collateral damage in warfare is an issue that has plagued our military since the Revolutionary War.   It happens when inadvertent casualties and destruction are inflicted upon non-combatants (civilians) during the course of war or other military operations.   I have compared a marriage to the military in the past, and this concept is no different.   As adults, we should have zero tolerance for collateral damage!

Case in point:

When I was single, I  found that dealing with the battlefield of hurt and frustration was much easier.   Although life wasn’t as  joyful as it is now with a husband and children, one thing I never had to worry about was leaking the blood of my emotional wounds on the pages of their lives.   If I had a rough day at work, I could change my clothes, go to the gym and charge the  basketball court until I felt better.   If someone I had respect for betrayed or treated me unfairly, I could go to my prayer closet or  church  to pray for them.   If I did something stupid that needed to be fixed, I could come up with a plan on my own to rectify the situation.   PMS?   I rarely had that issue, but when I did find myself having mood swings, I was not about to look in my bathroom mirror and go off on myself.   I was moody, not crazy!

I was all by myself, and being alone in my own space was soothing…solitude was my best friend, especially after being on the battlefield of  leadership and management all day.   But along came love and marriage, and my personal space was no longer my own.    It belonged to my husband, then my children.    My  emotional battlefield  required more strategy to prevent collateral  damage from taking place.

Take some time out to read some of  these personal strategies, and feel free to add your own  to  help  prevent our spouses and children from being victims of  collateral damage:

1. If you need space, SAY SO!    I have a tendency to act out my frustrations instead of  just communicating that I need some space.   I’ve learned to open my mouth and let anyone in my space know that I need time and space to unwind and detox.
2. Before leaving your work/business battlefield, go play/pray!   Go play  a sport, engage in a hobby, or get somewhere and talk to the Lord about how to respond before you get home.
3. If time does not permit #2, make a play date with your battle buddies (family)!   Lately,  evening walks, going outside to blow bubbles or being a big kid on the playground has been a popular feature in our home.   Make family life a VERB!
4. Do something grown folks are not supposed to do!    Color, have a food fight, sculpt some play-doh, remember what it was like to be a kid and then bring those memories to life!

We should all have zero tolerance for inflicting collateral damage on our families.  How  do  YOU prevent it in your family?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston  is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and  teacher).   The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother”  (the most important  in her estimation).  The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds:    “author.”   You can purchase her first book,  “Who Are You?”   simply by clicking on the link.   You can also contact her at [email protected].