When I decided to marry my husband, I had high expectations. They weren’t unreasonable, but they were high. I still have high expectations, and I have no intentions of settling for anyone—not even the man I love with all my heart. Thankfully, I have no regrets about marrying him and what we have works for us. We are happy.
But things don’t always work out this way. Some of us walk into marriage, expecting one thing, only to find out what we’ve gotten ourselves into is not what we bargained for. It’s hard for anyone to manage the emotions that come with that.
Most people who get married want their marriages to last a lifetime. It’s a reasonable expectation. After all, why commit to spending your life with someone unless you want it to last? But when you start to feel like maybe it won’t last, it’s a tough pill to swallow. For some people, it’s all confusing and frustrating but not life shattering. For others, it may be downright devastating to have these doubts about their marriage.
So if you find yourself feeling like your marriage just isn’t working for you, what does that mean and what do you do? The answer to that question isn’t the same for everyone, and it certainly isn’t simple. When it comes to something as complicated as marriage, trying to make a decision about whether or not you want to stay married is likely one of the toughest decisions you will ever make in your life.
Marriages stop working because of a wide range of issues, so you can’t leave any stone unturned when you find your marriage in such a difficult place. You have to ask yourself a series of tough questions to help you determine what is going on and what your next steps should be regarding your marriage.
Here are 10 questions you ask yourself if you feel like marriage is no longer working for you.
- Is the problem your marriage, or are you having an issue with the institution of marriage?
- What would your life look like if you were no longer married to your spouse?
- What are the specific things that make you unhappy in your marriage?
- Is there someone else, and do you think the grass is greener on the other side?
- Have you and your spouse attended counseling or therapy to work through your issues?
- Have you identified what would make marriage work for you?
- Did you get married for the right reasons?
- Do you know if your marriage is working for your spouse?
- Are your marriage expectations reasonable?
- Would your marriage get better if you worked more on yourself?
BMWK family, if you ever felt like marriage wasn’t working for you, what did you do?