You need time alone with your mate. It goes beyond wanting or desiring; you need time with your mate. Time alone is valuable to your marriage relationship. It is understandable that some of us can spend more alone time with our mate than others because of different schedules and lifestyles. Nonetheless, even with small kids and busy schedules, thoughtful planning can get you the alone time you so desperately need.

Use the 10 ways listed to get you started. If they work for you, go for it; get started spending more time alone together right away. If these 10 don’t do it for you, allow them to spark your creative juices and come up with ideas that suit your family lifestyle better.

1. Meet each other for lunch during the work day. Just as you schedule business meetings, schedule a lunch date. If you have school age children they are at school so no need to call for a baby sister.
2. Stop for dessert together on the way home before picking the kids up from daycare.
3. Have a nightly bedtime for the kids. Choose at least one night a week; after the kids are down for the night, share the rest of the evening together without cell phones and electronics devices.
4. Build a relationship with a trusted sitter. If you are not yet comfortable leaving the kids alone have the sitter to watch the kids in your home while you and your mate share a few hours together in a separate part of the house.
5. Call a trusted relative and ask them if the kids can spend the night. You and your spouse plan your day together doing whatever you want together.
6. Ask your favorite aunt to spend the night at your house while you and your mate check in to a local hotel for the evening.
7. Spend time cuddling on the coach while the babies get a nap.
8. Complete a chore together.  While he or she is planting a spring garden go out there and lend a hand. While your mate is doing the dishes, share this time helping or walk up behind him or her and give them a nice hug, wrapping your arms around them as they work. It’s work but it’s still time together.
9. Close your bedroom door. Teach your children to knock on mommy and daddy’s bedroom door rather than barging in. There may be times when you need to lock your bedroom door and have some mommy and daddy time. Your children’s safety is always top priority, as with anything use your best judgment.
10. If your kids have a favorite TV show and they are old enough and able to stay alone in their play room for 20 minutes go get a quick shower together and enjoy the closeness. Again, your children’s safety is top priority. You know your children better than anyone. Make this decision with care.
11. Bonus – before the children get up in the morning the two of you get up extra early, take a hot bath together with lots of bubbles and candles. Then go to the kitchen and make breakfast together for the family. The kids may wonder why the two of you are so extra happy this morning.

Spontaneity is good BUT with small children a good PLAN will get you a lot closer to spending more time alone with your mate. PLAN your time alone so that when it does come about you are not too pooped to enjoy each other. Set the tone for your time together. Make it exciting; keep the spark burning. Call each other during the day. Leave a note expressing how excited you are anticipating your time together. Make a rule not to become frustrated or angry about anything, but to enjoy your time alone.

WARNING – if your plans don’t work out don’t get upset, just try again. With small kids, schedules and needs can change at the drop of a hat. If it doesn’t work out the first, second, third, or forth time keep trying and keep planning.

BMWK – Help the readers out and add to this list of 10. What is your best idea for alone time with your mate when you have kids?