There are some days you can’t help but hate your parents-in-law and other in-laws, and “I hate my monster-in-laws!” is one of those expressions nobody really wants to say and admit. You’ve found the one you love, and they love you back. The two of you decided to join together in holy matrimony. You’re finally getting your happily ever after, but there is only one problem — his family hates you. Below are tips to help you in surviving your marriage and dealing with the in-laws.
In this article:
- How In-Laws Hate on You
- How Your Monster-In-Laws Can Affect Your Marriage Relationship
- Will Your Relationship Survive This?
- Don’t Take Anything Personally
- Don’t Blame Your Spouse for Their Behavior
- Keep the Lines of Communication Open with Your Spouse
- Don’t Buy into It
- Pick Your Battles
- Keep a United Front
- Don’t Hold Grudges
- Don’t Ever Use Your Children as Pawns
- Always Be Cordial and Respectful
- Don’t Be Afraid to Pack Your Things and Leave
- How You Can Win Over Your Monster In-Laws
I Hate My Parents-in-Law | Ways to Survive Marriage
How In-Laws Hate on You
Do you often think, “I hate my in-laws”? Even worse, do you believe they, too, dislike you? And, not just a normal dislike, I mean they actually have chosen another woman for him and want him not to marry you! Your mom-in-law even tells you to your face you’re very pretty but absolutely not the one for him.
As you proceed with your vows and you look out among the guests, you see his family glaring, not smiling — the ones who even accepted the invitation, that is. You accept this moment as a glimpse of what your future in this family might be like, but you proceed with the “I do’s” anyway because love conquers all, right?
How Your Monster-In-Laws Can Affect Your Marriage Relationship
Wrong. The truth is, conflicts created by monster-in-laws can lead to divorce! A lot of people believe having a good relationship with your in-laws is crucial to maintaining your marriage, and they are right to a certain extent.
I believe having a good relationship with your in-laws can definitely enhance your marriage. But, not everyone gets that kind of happily ever after because of the mean and messy in-laws who will do everything in their power to destroy your union.
Will Your Relationship Survive This?
You and your spouse can most definitely survive and thrive. If you and your spouse have done all you can to foster a relationship with the opposing family, to no avail, then you must do what you have to survive and most importantly maintain your marriage.
Here are 10 ways to make your relationship stronger, despite you saying “I hate my in-laws” and having them hating on you:
1. Don’t Take Anything Personally
A lot of times, the problem parents-in-law and other in-laws have isn’t with you — it’s with your spouse. There may be something your spouse used to do for them that they don’t do anymore because you came into the picture.
They may believe you have taken something from them. Most families are very protective when it comes to their children. Sometimes, this protection turns into an obsession. It means nobody will ever be good enough. Oftentimes, they’ll direct this anguish to you. Recognize this, and don’t take it personally.
2. Don’t Blame Your Spouse for Their Behavior
Your spouse cannot be held responsible for the behavior of another adult. When your in-laws behave in less than desirable ways towards you, don’t blame your spouse. It’s not his fault, and he can’t do anything about it. Blaming and handing out ultimatums only lead to arguments and resentment. Don’t do it.
3. Keep the Lines of Communication Open with Your Spouse
Tell him how you’re feeling. Let him know when something is bothering you. Encourage him to express how he feels, too. A lot of times, your spouse may be unaware you’ve been offended or disrespected. Instead of grinning and bearing it, release it, so it can be calmly discussed.
4. Don’t Buy into It
If your parents-in-law and other in-laws are really hateful and dislike you, then they’re going to love knowing they’ve caused drama in your life. They’ll do things, like excluding you from any family gathering or calling you by the ex’s name, which is all childishly purposeful behaviors. They feed off of your negative reaction.
Dealing with the in-laws also means not buying into it. It will only add kindle to their fire and encourage them.
5. Pick Your Battles
Of course, there are going to be some situations you won’t be able to quietly walk away from. However, you must not make every situation into a major one. Don’t make a fuss about every little thing. Choose the lines you have that can’t be crossed, and choose very carefully. Set the boundaries, and as long as they mind those lines, everything else should be brushed off.
6. Keep a United Front
Your happiness with your spouse is your victory! Your successful marriage is your sword. They cannot bring it to you if you have created a united front they know they can’t penetrate. You don’t have to be fake about it. Just be real, and be happy. Your solidarity is in your love for one another. Remember, a weak front can be easily penetrated by the enemy.
7. Don’t Hold Grudges
A lot of times, your in-laws may need you to grow on them. If they caused drama for you at the beginning of your marriage but appear to be cool with you now, let it go and go with it. Don’t carry that initial experience with you. Get over it, and move forward. Forgive and try your best to forget.
8. Don’t Ever Use Your Children as Pawns
Whether they care for you or not, don’t keep your kids away from them (unless there are safety issues). Your kids are their blood and deserve to know their people. Don’t let the kids suffer because of an ignorant behavior. And, don’t bad mouth them in front of your children either.
9. Always Be Cordial and Respectful
Dignity goes a long way. Hold your head high, and represent your family. Don’t stoop to levels lower than you. Be cordial and respectful because that’s the right way to be. Ignore snide remarks and comments. Don’t allow yourself to be goaded into an argument.
10. Don’t Be Afraid to Pack Your Things and Leave
In some situations, there may be no way to resolve or diffuse a conflict that has started. Instead of staying and participating, leave. Pack your things, bring your kids and your mate, and leave.
You shouldn’t be required to stay anywhere you’re not wanted. Even if you’re attempting to be cordial and respectful, people cross the line sometimes. There’s no harm in walking away from a confrontation.
How You Can Win Over Your Monster In-Laws
Doing all of these things might be hard. You might be saying to yourself, “I am not doing any of it!” or you may have already given up. It’s never too late. If you think about these actions before reacting, you’ll avoid so much unnecessary stress, negativity, and drama, which is what they want!
Ultimately, in the end, you will win, and your mate will respect your ability to stay in control. The view of the troublemakers in their family will change once they see who the aggressors really are.
You will be showing your children how to carry themselves as respectful adults by not arguing and not being involved in negative interactions. I read something one time that went something like, “Never argue with a fool, because a stranger may walk by and not be able to tell who is who.” Well, it’s true, so don’t do it!
Here’s a video from Life Coach Shawn giving advice on what to do if your monster in-laws are ruining your marriage:
If you’re one of those people who is constantly saying, “I hate my parents-in-law,” remember to breathe and try not to let it get to you. Understand your position with your mate’s family and handle it accordingly. Don’t let anything come between your love and commitment to your spouse. If their family doesn’t accept you, then so be it. It does not have to destroy your marriage. And, if all else fails, you can just drink a lot of wine whenever you’re around them, then you won’t care!
How are you going to handle your parents-in-law and other in-laws if you don’t exactly get along with them? Share your thoughts in the comments section!
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on January 23, 2014, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.