You have met the love of your life and now you are planning your dream wedding. Maybe it’s something small and quaint, or maybe you decided to go the big and extravagant route. Whatever your plans are for your special day, you think you are ready to tie the knot and say “I do” to the person you want spend the rest of your life with.
In the midst of planning for your big day, you have this subtle nagging feeling that you just can’t shake. But no matter how nagging that feeling may be, you keep on planning because you are about to marry the love of your life. Surely you can’t change or postpone those plans because of some unexplainable feeling that just won’t quit, right?
Well, actually you can. Getting married when something just doesn’t feel right is not a good idea. Does this nagging feeling mean you chose the wrong person and you need to split up? Not necessarily. It could just mean that you have some stuff to work through before tying the knot, and ignoring that stuff will eventually cause marital problems.
There are tons of reasons why people should pump the breaks on wedding planning, but here are just a few. If any of these issues are present in your life and your gut is telling you that they might affect your marriage, listen to your gut. It’s rarely wrong.
Nothing can damage a good relationship more than bringing in baggage and pain from an old one. If you have issues that are unresolved from a previous relationship, you have to work through it. If you are still angry about how someone treated you, you have to forgive him or her. If you are confused about why someone left you, you need to make peace with that. Until you do, you shouldn’t make a life-long commitment to anyone else. Baggage lingers, and until you decide to unpack it, it just sits there—in the way and collecting dust.
If you are keeping secrets from your spouse and you know that the details would have a significant impact on your relationship, you need to share. I don’t think you have to cough up every single detail of your life before you get married, but I do believe that intentionally kept secrets that eat away at your soul need to come out. When the foundation of a marriage is compromised, there is a strong chance that what you are building with your partner just won’t last. A bit of mystery is a good thing, but keeping deep dark secrets is not a healthy way to start your life with someone else.
Mental, emotional or physical abuses are all reasons to hit the breaks hard and really ask yourself if this person is the right one for you. No one deserves a lifetime of abuse in any form. If you know your fiancé is being abusive, you should consider counseling so you can dig deep and find out what your relationship is really about, whether or not your should walk away, and how you should do it. If you are in a situation where your mate will consider counseling, there is some hope. If you are in a situation where you won’t even dare bring it up because you are fearful of your mate’s response, you should truly rethink your decision to get married. And if you find yourself in an abusive relationship and don’t know how to walk away from it, you can seek help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Marriage is a huge commitment. Don’t be a afraid to slow things down to make sure that marriage (to one another) is the right decision for each of you.
BMWK family, what do you think are some reasons to pump the breaks on getting married?