Being in a committed relationship is a want. It’s not a need or something you have to do. But when you make the choice to be committed to another person, then they deserve your integrity and honesty and the best of what you have to offer. And if you’re not sure that you want to commit to a relationship, that’s OK too. Just be open and honest about it up front.
As a coach who works with people dealing with relationship challenges, one of the toughest issues to work through is commitment. We can always recognize commitment issues in our mates, but it’s our own commitment issues that we have problems facing.
Let’s take a moment to address 3 signs that you may be the one with the commitment issues.
1. You’re Repeating a Cycle
In six years of relationship coaching, I’ve only talked to one man who saw good relationship examples growing up. Many of my male clients had little or no examples of what being a committed, loyal husband looks like. They never saw healthy relationships. They saw fathers that looked like a role model to the outside world, but on the inside, they were not accountable to their own families. They saw their fathers being unaccountable and are now following in their footsteps.
If you are doing the same things your father and mother did and getting the same undesired results, then take action to break the cycle. Find someone to talk to: a mentor, a coach or counselor. And then surround yourself with men or women who have the relationships that you want to have one day. You will be surprised by the number of people who want to help you, how real they will be with you and how much it can change your life.
2. You’ve Got It Twisted
This one was me in my earlier years. I was literally committed to not being committed. I loved women, don’t get it twisted, but I couldn’t figure out how the good things in a committed relationship outweighed the bad. Looking back, I was honest, but short-sighted.
Many of us have become so self-reliant that we don’t know another way to live. We look at how much money we can make, how our career can take off and we don’t want anyone to inhibit our plans. Sharing seems good in theory, but not in practice (especially when someone can get mad and take half of what you have built. )
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And that was my perception of commitment. I had it twisted. But I learned along the way that my short-sightedness was really selfishness. I knew I wanted love, but I didn’t have the wisdom to understand what love really meant.
Once you learn that the essence of love is selflessness and sacrifice, then you start to understand the benefits of sharing everything you have with the one you love. Our lives are meant to be a blessing to others. When you understand how much you can love, honor and cherish someone else and make their life better, you realize that the benefits of commitment far outweigh any challenges you may face along the way.
3. You’re Good… Boo
There are those out there who truly just don’t want to commit to a relationship. And it’s ok. But societal pressures can be tough. You’re constantly being asked why you aren’t married yet, your parents are always asking about grandchildren, and people are trying to figure out what’s wrong with because anybody this old and single must have some serious problems. All of these things and more the reason why you may be hiding the truth..which is that you really don’t want to commit because you are single, and LOVING IT! You’re good…boo!
There’s nothing wrong with being single, especially when you are comfortable with who you are and where you are in your life. You don’t have to date, you don’t have to be married or have children. You are not required to do any of these things. More importantly, you don’t have to cater to anyone or succumb to pressure to do something you don’t want to do—which isn’t going to work out anyway. So embrace your singleness! Enjoy it! And don’t let others try to live vicariously through you. Live your life! Do you!
BMWK – why is it so hard for people to admit that they don’t want to be in committed relationships?