There is one thing all my friends have in common. They all want to see me win in life and they especially want to see me win in my marriage. They are rooting for my family. And they want this thing I have to last for a lifetime.
Their desire to see my marriage last has nothing to do with how they feel about my husband either. Sure, some of them have known him for as long as I have and they understand he’s a good man. But I have other friends who met him much later in life (and some who don’t know him well at all.) And yet, they still want to see us go the distance.
It’s a blessing, really, because I know it’s not always like this. I know plenty of women who are surrounded by so called friends who aren’t rooting for their marriages. I know women with “friends” who just tell them what they want to hear all the time, never taking a moment to share what they really need to hear.
If you feel like you have to question whether or not your friends are supporting your union, below are a few things to consider.
Here are 3 things your real friends should want for your marriage.
They want to see you experience joy.
There really is some truth to the old adage: misery loves company. People that can’t stand to see anyone too happy are working through their own issues and pain. But true friends, regardless of how things look in their lives, want to see you experience joy.
They want to see your marriage thrive. Seeing you happy makes them happy. Anything less would make me question someone’s friendship and her intentions. And a real friend doesn’t need to love everything about your spouse. They simply need to believe he is a good fit for you and that he brings out the best in you. That should be enough for her to find great joy in your moments of joy.
They want you to get help when you face challenges.
Show me a perfect marriage and I will show you two people that are lying to themselves. There is no perfect marriage, and trying to maintain the illusion of one tells me that you fear criticism from the people who should have your back.
When you share with a real friend that you are facing a rough patch in your marriage, she doesn’t secretly rejoice. A real friend makes recommendations about what you can do to get the support you need during your rough patch. She may recommend church, counseling, or some other form of help. And she does so from a place of compassion, not judgment. She wants you to know that trouble won’t last forever and that your marriage has a chance of surviving and thriving if you get help. That’s what real friendship is about.
They want to see you nurture your union.
Spending time with your girls is important. I try to as much as I can. Even if it’s just lunch or dinner, that quality time makes all the difference. But your real friends should understand that you also have to carve out time for your man. They should want that for you.
So when life gets crazy and you haven’t spent quality time with your man in months, your real friends understand that you are going to have to spend that free night with him instead of them. Not only do they understand it, but they encourage it. They want to see you nurture and strengthen your marriage and your family because they want the best for you. Plus, they know that as soon as things settle down, you will make time for them like you always have.
BMWK family, what do your real friends want for your marriage?