Figuring out the ways on how to win a girl’s heart is a challenge for every man. She is not to be trifled with. She has been forged through the burning sands of struggle, adversity, oppression, and discrimination. She has had to fight for everything she achieved — socially, politically, sexually, economically, relationally, and parentally. Who is she? Find out more about her below!
How to Win a Girl’s Heart | Ways to Have a Strong Girl
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She Is a Strong Black Woman
This state of instability and strife has required her to evolve into a fiercely self-sufficient woman, wielding the control and power she’s amassed over the years for her own betterment. (No, I’m not hating on Black men; I’m just chronicling the plight of many Black women.)
Therefore, if you, sir, are using your ways on how to win a woman’s heart, you cannot be afraid of her. She, who is in an everlasting fight to secure her place on the food chain, will eat you alive.
Singer/songwriter Jill Scott echoed the sentiments of my wife of 18 years, Bernadette, shared with me at the beginning of our marriage. “Don’t be scared of me. If you’re scared of me, I will eat you. I’m not kidding. So there’s no point in me dating someone who’s afraid of me because I can walk all over you. And who wants that?” Scott asked at the Breakfast Club radio show in a 2013 interview.
A strong independent Black woman knows what she means. But, for the fellas, whose eyebrows are bent, let me explain. Over the decades, Black women have attained education, money, influence, and power. They no longer require the traditional role or resources of a man. In fact, they are now the ones exercising their option to determine what role men will have in their lives.
So, a strong Black woman requires a man who’s not intimidated by her beauty, education, money, influence, or power. And, he’s not scared to share his thoughts and feelings with her because he knows whatever he says will add value to her life. For any man who wants to step into Jill Scott (or any strong Black woman), your life experiences and confidence must be a worthy complement to hers.
If you ain’t comin’ correct (with an adequate level of knowledge, wisdom, love, and overall sophistication) and you are intimidated by her accumulations, then the control and power she’s amassed (and the skill with which she wields it) will eat you alive! And, you, sir, will have no role in her life. So, here’s how to win a girl’s heart, in just three simple tips:
1. Have Your Stuff Together
The first tip on how to win a girl’s heart is to have your stuff together or at least be close to getting it together. What I mean is, the bare minimums must be in place: job, residence, and vehicle. You also must have some long-term goals and some valid short-term plans to reach them. Your faith must exist, and you must be pursuing it further. You’ve got to check these boxes to get on the radar of a strong Black woman.
And, notice, I didn’t say how much money you have to have. Yes, money is good. But, a strong, independent Black woman will have enough money to buy herself anything she wants.
2. Listen More Than You Talk
When a man is intimidated by a woman, he will likely try to go on an all-out, self-promotion campaign. He may think that by constantly talking about himself and all the qualities she should love in him, he will validate himself in her eyes. But this strategy often backfires, making him look weak, egotistical, competitive, or shallow. Instead, win her over not by your resume (which she’ll read anyway) but by your genuine interest in her. And, of course, you only get to know more about her by listening to her.
The key to listening more than talking is to find out these things:
- what things are important to her
- what her fears and concerns are
- how those fears and concerns influence her decision-making
- what she likes versus what she loves
- what she dislikes versus what she hates
- what her goals are and how she pursues them
- how her past relationships have affected her expectations for future relationships
I can go on, but you get the picture.
3. Add Value to Her Life
From the information you gather listening, now, you can add value to her life by helping, supporting, and encouraging her in her areas of interest. And, you can use that same information in motivating, challenging, and holding her accountable in the areas in which she struggles. Listen intently to identify where your life experiences and skill sets can add the most value. This way, when you talk, you are saying something of great value to her.
The tricky part about this is doing it without getting slammed in the “friend zone.” I’ve found that if you maintain a little mysteriousness about yourself, it keeps her interested in wanting to find out more (hence, my second point about listening more). Also, do the unexpected. Say the unexpected. Be creative.
Men, are you ready to love an independent woman? Let Telisha Ng guide you on how to love an support an independent woman in this video:
This combination of having your stuff together, listening more than you talk, and adding value to her life will give you the best chance on how to win a girl’s heart. They may be difficult to think about, but winning a strong Black woman’s heart with these ways is worth it. Follow these three incredible ways to win her heart and receive love from her unconditionally!
How have you won over your strong Black woman? Let us know in the comments section!
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on March 10, 2016, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.