Your degrees and your accomplishments might make you a good employee or entrepreneur, but it doesn’t necessarily make you a good mate! YUP somebody lied to us and told us that if we have degrees and make a certain salary that it automatically qualifies you as a “good catch” for a potential husband or wife. The truth of the matter, though, is that some of the most accomplished academics and entrepreneurs can be the worst mates…because they arrogantly believe that being accomplished in those arenas gives them clout in the world of love as well.
Many people have great resumes, but they don’t necessarily interview well or perform the job well when it comes to being married or in a relationship. Here are some skill-sets you may need to brush up on to help with your relationship resume!
The attitudes and skills it takes for you to get to the top of your career or educational level won’t necessarily make you a good mate.
1. Serving Selflessly
Yes, I know that when you are climbing the corporate ladder many of the things you do and are taught to do are very self-serving. You’re taught to play the politics game and do things with ulterior motives. But, that skill doesn’t work very well when it comes to being in a relationship. The reality is that being a good mate requires you to sometimes put someone else’s needs before yours and sometimes serve them WITHOUT the expectation of getting anything in return. Ask yourself if you’re willing to do that because they won’t teach you that in business school!
You hear it all of the time at work or in life, people say “Don’t settle! If there is something you want go for it and don’t stop until you get exactly that!” They tell you to persevere and be tenacious. Well those are great attributes, but being able to compromise in a relationship is a skill you must have and sometimes that means “settling.” That also means compromising and settling without getting an attitude or being passive aggressive about it later.
There isn’t much loyalty anymore when it comes to companies or career paths. It’s been said that now the average person will change careers up to seven times in his or her lifetime. While that’s great for growing in your career it won’t be great in your relationship. You can’t just up and leave every relationship or marriage because you see an opportunity that looks “better.” The grass can always look greener on the other side when in a relationship, but the question is do you have STAYING POWER even when temptation comes your way? We’ve all seen people leave their marriage or relationships for what they thought was better just to regret it later.
4. Being Vulnerable
“Always watch your back and don’t show all of your cards.” That might work in Corporate America but it won’t help in your marriage. One of the foundational skills it takes to make people feel safe and secure in a relationship is the ability to be vulnerable. If you can’t be vulnerable in a marriage then you will cheat yourself out of experiencing true intimacy with your partner. It will always seem like something is missing and true trust won’t be developed. Some people have been married for years and are still on the surface of vulnerability and as a result they are still lacking intimacy. Are you willing to show your hand and put your heart on the line?
I know they told you that it’s all about you and the more you accomplish the better and more marketable you will be. What they didn’t tell you though is that when in relationships it’s bigger than you. It’s more about the value you can add to someone else’s life and if they can reciprocate. The attitudes and skills it takes for you to get to the top of your career or educational level won’t necessarily make you a good mate.
BMWK – Take a look at your relationship resume and ask yourself if you should be hired. And if you’re already in a relationship, ask should you be fired!?