Last week I gave you One Peculiar Reason Modern Men Avoid Marriage, and, of course as promised, I had to come and give the other side of the story.
As I mentioned in the previous article, common perceptions and over-generalizations, influence how men and women look at marriages and how the opposite sex appears in those marriages. While it might be safer to the avoid these generalizations, it’s not helpful. If we want to improve our relationships, we have to address it.
The ladies have an opinion about why many of them are avoiding marriage, and they (like the men) wanted a voice also. So, men, even though I know many of you were in agreement about the first article, this one might just be a reality check for you.
1) Men aren’t providing and protecting
This is one of the main reasons I hear women say they don’t see as much value in marriage anymore. Many of them say that many men have become very “lazy,” and because of that, women are taking on so much of the financial pressures in the household. The flip side is that many men aren’t providing, yet they still want to be the “KING” of the castle, and this concept is causing lots of conflict.
2) Men aren’t handy anymore
Many women are saying that not only are men not able to protect and provide, but many also aren’t able to handle the “basics” like our fathers and grandfathers could.
What things you ask? Cutting the grass, changing a flat tire, building a shed in the backyard, tinkering on the car and fixing the broken or worn out stuff around the house. The message I got loud and clear is that men need to be good with their hands OUTSIDE of the bedroom as well to be considered marriage material for women.
3) Men don’t take enough pride in family
The ladies say it used to be that a man’s pride and joy was his family, but now it seems like being the head of a household and taking care of the family is more of an option than an obligation. Now as a man, I understand that this is mostly a false narrative, but it’s one that is perpetuated in the media, and it drives many women’s beliefs.
4) Men don’t put effort into romance and courting
Women still want to be pursued and desired by men. But they say that enough men don’t put any effort into courting or into romance anymore.
These women also say loud and clear that they can be independent women while also wanting a man that’s chivalrous and a gentleman. They say too many men seem like they are entitled to a woman’s love and admiration but don’t want to “work” for it…and it’s a BIG turnoff.
5) Women feel like mothers to men more than partners
Men…the ladies say they are tired of feeling they are your mothers. For a relationship where both the man and the woman work outside of the home, she’s sick of having a full-time day job and another full-time job at home with little-to-no domestic help from her man (not just cooking and cleaning, but all things it takes to keep a household functioning). They aren’t only exhausted, but they are fed up.
If you add up all of these different things, marriage doesn’t seem like a value proposition for anyone. The truth of the matter is that we have to change the narrative. Men and women both have to evolve, but I think there is some value to being traditional in some ways as well.
Happily married people have to speak out more and not make marriage seem like a life sentence in a prison rather than in married bliss. There is so much good that comes out of marriage for both men and women; and our families need the strong foundation. With this, we can thrive as a community. In the meantime, we can’t let the negative narratives dominate people’s perspectives. This is why sites such as BMWK are so needed and this is why as married people we have to be conscious about how we act and what we are putting out into the atmosphere!
BMWK Fam: What are your thoughts and how do we bridge the gap between the sexes?
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