by Michelle G Cameron
As a divorced mother of one son, it was a challenge becoming single again. I was making the decision to live a celibate life after experiencing sex for the first time during my marriage. Although it was difficult when I first started out (and it still is), here are 5 reasons why I’m on this celibate journey for eight years so far:
1. I am a Christian, and I firmly believe in the Bible. Hebrews 13:4, NKJV states: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I know it’s considered ancient, outdated and very “Cleaverish” to believe in or to practice celibacy based on the Bible, but I also have other reasons which are listed below.
2. I don’t have to live in fear of picking up a STD or getting pregnant unexpectedly. I know there are “precautions” that we can use and many of them work well when used properly, but there are MANY people who thought they were safe and were still “caught”. As one of my social media friends pointed out recently, we save a LOT of money when we don’t have to purchase birth control or condoms or take frequent tests to ensure that we did not pick up a disease. I don’t think the 15 minutes of pleasure is worth the angst that follows thereafter.
3. My heart is free. The issue of soul ties where we are intimately connected to everyone we’ve ever slept with is REAL. Having to untangle my heart and my soul from several men is, thankfully, something I am not struggling with at this time. I had to work through that issue when my divorce was finalized, which was a tough situation. With healing comes the realization that I don’t want to go down that path again unnecessarily (or EVER).
I’ve been celibate going on 5 years now, mainly because it is what God expects of me, but the benefits have been endless. Like the author, I am divorced and have a son. I want to set the right example for him and have him respect women. Not being married and being separate unto God alone has taught me alot about myself, my motivations and has put me on my pathway to destiny. I believe the celibacy journey has allowed me to see that God is the source of everything I need and has enable me to become complete/whole in Him. It has not always been easy, but it has been so worth it.
Good for you. My date is July 2000!!!!
On April 26,2010, I made a vow to God by not engaging into another sexual relationship with a man who was not my husband. This journey of celibacy is a difficult one but possible only through Christ Jesus. I have dated a few guys during this time, buy they moved on because zI refused to give IN,give UP and give OUT! So ladies,just keep holding on to God’s hands because the reward will be great during the wait!
~AND WE KNOW THAT ALLTHINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHO CONTINUES TO MAKE HIS GREAT STRENGTH AVAILABLE TO US!!!~
EXCELLENT… I can definitely appreciate the encouragment. For all the reasons stated I too am on this journey.
I can honestly say, this journey gets tough at times. Especially lately, “Spring/Summer fever” to the point where I have to call on one of my favorite scriptures, “Workout your salvation with fear and trembling!” LOL This walk is real and we have to trust that God will reward and we are being rewarded for all the points you have made and more…
May God continue to bless and sustain us all…
Thank you for sharing 😀
How do your sons know you are celibate or not tho? I understand not having men around….but in reality it’s called “intimacy” for a reason. vice versa if you have a man around doesn’t mean you are having sex people stay married because that’s what God expects, for the sake of the kids.
Sorry the “my son will have respect for women” argument makes NO sense.
Her words make a huge sense because children have a way of understanding things(wether little kids or teenagers).her son could see a particular man or different men coming over all the time and could certainly misconstrue the motive or reason due to the a particular kind of way the man acts with or around his mother.
Also,she could be trying to avoid any temptation knowing she is human and things could happen when there’s that kind of opportunity.I can understand when she said her son respecting women in that,the frequency of men coming to a the house to see his mum could make him think the mother is loose and that it’s the way it is with women.thank for your topic.i really enjoyed it
Omalachi has explained what I had in mind quite well. My son is not a baby; he’s a preteen. I want him to learn that women are not toys; they should be honored and respected by men. He doesn’t have to see what I’m doing 24 hours a day to sense that I am intimately involved with a man. Children are very intuitive, and I must say that my son is intuitive almost to the extreme – and very bright. He picks up on things quickly. I don’t want him to believe that it’s okay to go from person to person just because we have urges. I want him to see a healthy committed relationship so I plan to wait until that happens before becoming intimately/sexually connected to a man.
1 year celibate and it’s fantastic! I’ve become empowered, confident and more aware of myself as a woman. I find myself looking in the mirror and liking who I’m staring back at and not needing validation from a man because I love God first. This year has been the most beautiful time of my life. 🙂
its nice that even women also liking to enjoy the celibacy
I appreciate everyone’s comments! Thank you for reading.
It’s been a tough journey, but my decision was basically forced on me. I have found the man of my dreams and me of his, but he has some prior complications in his life to sort out so we have decided to hold off on the physical part of our love life, jointly. I have no real desire for any other man. Sure I recognize beauty, but none other thrills me as he does. It’s been nearly 8 months now and I must I’m enjoying rebuilding our friendship as we go through this. It’s caused me to make a personal commitment that the next man I have sex with will be my husband only. So even for him there must be a courting period that is enjoined with a commitment that leads to marriage. Only after my “I do’s” will I do the do. I appreciate having found this post and it gives me great strength in times when the point of weakness attempts to crawl upon me.
For me, at this point in my life, I do not know what to believe anymore, but I still trust God and I know He is faithful. I promised God I would wait till I am married to have sex. Now, I am 29, I have had two breakups and currently single. My girlfriends who slept with men and even had abortions are married with kids. To make matters worse, I am in medical school with so much stress and no time to socialize. I get urges all the time and I still wonder ‘did I really do the right thing?’. Then I groan to myself ‘when will i finally have sex?’ lol. anyway, I’m still celibate for now but thoroughly confused about the subject.
I am a born again Christian woman also. Virginity and celibacy r no guarantees for obtaining a successful marriage someday. If ur going to b celibate do it purely for it’s own sake or for what u believe spiritually. To do it Bc u think it will lead to a marriage that will never fail is faulty. There r plenty of now divorced Christians who can attest to that. Also don’t obsessed about s ex. Go to amazon buy a toy and take the edge off. That way u kill the momentary preoccupation w it and now ur mind can focus on much more important things. Don’t b ashamed of how ur body works and don’t b ashamed to use a couple of minutes w a toy to kill an urge so u can get on w your life and ur day.
Thanks lb. i appreciate your advise.
Girl. I tried. I really did. Did everything right. But you have to do what’s good for YOU. I finally got with someone who treats me like a QUEEN and I am not longer celibate. I do not regret my decision. Really look inside yourself.
Wish God will bring someone who would treat me like a queen too. I’m happy for you Preetiest
DOn’t fret,he will come,just be open minded!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I am only 23 and I have a 2 year old daughter and I have been celibate for a year. Almost all of my friends are married or engaged and they do not practice celibacy nor do they have a real relationship with God. I don’t know what to think sometimes. My parents have been married for 17 years and they are so in love and I know they didn’t practice celibacy before marriage. I love God and I trust him, but the one true desire of my heart is to have a husband. It makes me sorrowful when I think about being celibate for another 5 or 10 years.
I know what you mean. My journey is a little different than yours. Sometimes, I,m real happy about my decision, other times i feel like i,m going crazy with needs. But, in the end, I think the complications of casual intimacy outweigh the benifits of waiting for someone you,re going to share more than a night with.
I have been celibate for 3yrs now. I was celibate 3 yrs before that but gave in to my urges for about a year. Celibacy is hard but doable with Christ. Being faithful to the character of Christ (which we have been born into)was never meant to be easy but a way for us to show our trust in God. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. (Psalm 37:6-7)
I have been celibate for twenty-two (22) years. I thank God for the other Women who have decided to live this life.
I am a born again ambassador of the Kingdom of God. I was married once for 16 years and now have been divorce and celibate for 18 years. I honor marriage and believe sex is for marriage. I got married at 18 and did not know a lot of things that I know today. I do know that waiting till marriage will pay off and God will make it all worth the waiting. May I suggest a few books to read they will help as singles and thinking about marriage by Dr. Myles Munroe “Single, married and divorce. “The purpose & power of love and marriage”. Also check Dr. Myles Munroe out on youtube about these sujects.
God never asks us to do something in His word without equipping us with the tools to do it. Life is about more than sex. (We have a great intimate life) I’m married and even in that my husband and I have to set time agreed upon to not have sex. This allows our focus to change gears and allows for deeper focus on God for His direction in our lives. When the focus is your own gratification that is not putting God first…it’s putting your needs first but to address that we have to have our set apart time to hear Gods voice. Gods word doesn’t change because of human emotion or opinion. We can choose to take it or leave it. One day we will all answer to Him and my goal is to hear Him say well done. Everything else is secondary.
Absolutely love this feature!! I’ve been abstaining now for the past 2 years and its been hard but so rewarding. I want to honor Christ with my body as well as my worship. I recently started a blog called “I Waited Blog” featuring couples that waited until marriage to be intimate, as a way to encourage singles like myself that it is possible to wait for marriage.
Thank you for your enlightening story.
When one is celibate does that mean there is no masturbation, physical (kissing, fondling, manual stimulation, but no sexual penetration) contact with men or women, and no oral intercourse (giver/receiver)?
Thanks in advance for all sincere responses.
In the real sense of celibacy it means abstaining from any form of sexual gratification.so masturbation and other forms of stimulation is inclusive.thats how i understand it.its not easy cos i hv that challenge too but with christ all things are possible.God wl strengthen u and i
I could never fully enjoy sex until I was married the guilt would consume me, but I thought it was part of getting the ring to start with, our culture is so messed up that way……anyways sex has been so much more fulfilling and rewarding during marriage and I can have fun and let go! However if life made me single again I would certainly be celibate!
Religion works.
You believe in Christianity therefore it provides you with the power to be celibate (among others).
I don’t believe in a higher being. I am not an atheist, mind you. I am higher than God, Jesus or the Bible. Truly, this is what I believe therefore I cannot squish the Mind of sex without losing Reason. That is why the prophet Buddha who had a scientific mind and never spoke about God (because there isn’t one) reminded future generations that there is only one way for a man to be celibate. That is, he must leave society and the home life.
I can’t do that.
My problem is that I don’t have the means to cheat on my wife. If I did I wouldn’t be seeking out the method to become celibate. If I had money 0r the magical power of women to offer themselves to me without me having to return something then I would be happy.
The struggle is man’s struggle. And what do most men do? They cheat.
I wish I had the strength to be celibate. It would solve my number one internal conflict. But without a belief in God then all I have left is Reality which is that man is the Highest Being in the Universe. But he is an animal at his core. Get rid of the core and you don’t have the Spiritual.
Okay, men are doomed.
Thank God you are a woman. You don’t need sex like a man does. All you need is shopping and you are happy.
Quit shopping and know how difficult it is for a man to stop having sex.
Thank you.
Wow..you are an idiot. What do you mean you can’t be celibate? Aren’t you married? So why be celibate?
I am a woman and a Christian and am struggling with concept of ceibacy over fornication.
My suggestion to all netigens of this site to read the book “the science of a new life- joh cowan”… a great book on celibacy..and abstinant life….
Hi! I know this is kind of off-topic however I needed to ask.
Does running a well-established blog like yours take a large amount of work?
I am completely new to running a blog however I do write in my journal every day.
I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to
share my own experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips
for new aspiring bloggers. Thankyou!
I’m married and celibate after my wife slowly lost desire for sexually intimacy. While it was difficult at first I’ve found that if you have a strong foundation the body and soul can adapt. We have been celibate now for 6 years and I have never been happier. I truthfully don’t miss sex a single bit. Don’t buy into to this cultures obsession with sex, so many couples through away loving relationship because they think they need sex. Sex is such a minor and insignificant part of existence, but yet we has a society conflate it to mean something more than it ever possible could. Honor your vows and remember true love can overcome any situation.
Three and a half years strong. Thank God. Not that I want to remain this way forever, but His plans for my life are way better than my own. Thanks for this very insightful article.
I have also chosen celibacy and have been celibate for the last eight years after my divorce. My one concern is I have not practiced masturbation because I have believed that it is not pleasing to the Lord, I was just informed by a medical staff that masturbation is encouraged to keep the blood flow in the vagina area so that when a person engages insects the vagina area will not be dry. I am curious to know what your view is on this.
Will you choose man’s ways over God’s? The doctor is, after all, just a man.
I have been celibacy since the nineties yes you read that right mainly bc of a date rape but currently bc I figure if God has kept me this long perhaps marriage is not in my future. I have a desire but I truly dont want marriage if thats not Gods plan because I dont want to make anyone elses life miserable. So ill just stay single which gets hard but better then being in a marriage that is miserable so I guess ill be holding out til Jesus come.