I wouldn’t call myself a hopeless romantic, but I surely believe in true love. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, and that when you meet the right person it has the potential to last a lifetime.
What I don’t believe in is loving someone so much you start to lose sight of who you are or who you want to be. I think that’s crap. You shouldn’t ever lose yourself in the name of love. It’s a toxic and dangerous path.
Love should be based on awareness and acceptance. This doesn’t mean you are perfect, but it means that your partner is aware of who you are and has made a decision to love and accept you as you are. That’s what real love is.
But when you start losing yourself and you insist you are just loving on your man, you are truly misguided.
Have you ever seen the movie, Jerry McGuire?
I’ve seen it a few times. It’s a good film. But I hate that infamous line, “you complete me.” Umm… excuse me sir, but I was complete when we met. I don’t need to be completed. I’ll take some love, acceptance, and respect instead… thank you very much.
If you are in a relationship with someone you care for and you are wondering if you are losing sight of who you are, here are a few signs to look out for.
- You have stopped hanging with all your friends because you want to spend all your free time with your man. I think spending time with your man is important. Life is busy and it’s so easy to put the things that matter on the back burner. But please don’t become that woman who neglects all of her friendships because she has a man now. That is whack. Sure, you may not be able to hang as much as you did when you were single, but nourishing true friendships is something you always need to make time for. Your real friends help you stay in touch with who you really are.
- You always go along with whatever he wants to do so you can keep the peace. If you have to do what he wants to do just to keep the peace, that’s a problem. Sure, relationships involve lots of compromising, but compromising is different than consistently neglecting your desires just to keep someone else happy. What about your happiness?
- You’ve put all your dreams aside because he’s convinced you that his matter more. Your dreams matter. They should always matter to you and they should certainly matter to anyone who loves you. Even if your man doesn’t understand your dream or vision, he should definitely support it and care about your desire to pursue it. If you neglect your dreams for your man, you lose a part of yourself.
- You never speak up about your wants and needs. You have to be able to articulate what you want and need from your man. And when you don’t, it’s like declaring that your needs don’t matter. But they do. You have to believe that. If you think your man’s needs and wants matter more than yours, you are misguided and need to get back to loving yourself.
- You are constantly seeking his approval. If you are in a grown relationship, you really should not be walking around seeking approval. If you are, you’ve completely lost sight of what makes you worthy of love and happiness. When you gain clarity about who you are and what you bring to the table, you don’t walk around seeking approval because you approve of yourself.
BMWK ladies, have your ever felt like you are losing yourself in the name of love?