We often say communication is one of the biggest difficulties couples face. They struggle with arriving on the same page when the thoughts and forms of communication are so different.

Sometimes we say certain words with our mouths, but our body language and facial expressions say something completely different. We all have to be careful about the message we’re sending when it comes to verbally connecting with our partners. In most cases it’s what hasn’t been said that creates the most confusion. If we aren’t paying attention to our partners, consistently, we might miss a few really essential clues.

Even when our spouses aren’t expressing themselves verbally, there are still a few ways to understand their needs. By simply observing, you’ll be surprised by the amount of information you can actually learn about your spouse.

When your partner is in the mood to be intimate. Your spouse may not always come right out and ask you to make love. Well, mostly because sometimes that just sounds a little awkward and takes away from the sexiness of the moment. Instead, look at the signs. Sexy eyes, constantly moving sexually, or finding things to do just to be in your presence are a few. When you notice them, it is a must that you act.

When your partner is in the mood to pick a fight. I’m sure you can admit you’ve had moments when you were in a mess starting mood. You may have had a bad day at work and declared, “The next thing someone says to me, I’m going to snap!” Unfortunately, more often than not, that person is your spouse. The signs to look for are simply agitation. It’s usually seen all over the face as well as in the body language. Snatching things, slamming things down, moving quickly and abruptly are all signs. When this happens, your partner may need some space to sort through their emotions.

When your partner is disappointed in you. As humans we don’t always make the right choices. We make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes affect our spouses. Unfortunately, your spouse won’t always be vocal about that, and for a good reason. However, if you wonder, you’ll sometimes see it in their facial expressions or the silence. Again, giving them a moment as well as taking ownership and committing to making better choices in the future are all helpful.

When your partner feels guilty. Owning up to a mistake is such a challenge. You don’t often find many people who’s running to confess their sins to their spouse. Sometimes they are sorting through the error. Other times they would just rather forget. However, seeing the following behavior might be a tell-tell sign. Lack of eye contact, avoiding being in the same space with you too long, and purposely keeping conversations short and brief. We can easily let them off the hook by creating a comfort zone that makes them feel a little at ease about sharing. Mistakes aren’t the end of the world and I’ve seen couples survive anything.

When your partner is feeling stuck. Our partners need encouragement. One of the things I love about being married is that I have a partner who I can bounce ideas off of, and who pushes me to move forward. This is key to every marriage. Everyone needs love as well as support. Since you may not hear the phrase “Will you support me?” very often, you may want to keep your eyes open for the behaviors. Moping, sighing, and doing nothing are usually signs your partner isn’t very motivated. We have to be our spouses biggest cheerleader by reminding them of just how amazing they are.

To be aware is to be alive. Paying attention to your spouse will provide you with information that can definitely help your marriage.

BMWK: What do you notice by simply observing your spouse?