My husband and I don’t typically keep secrets from each other. We have been friends for years, and although I learn something new about him all the time, I feel like I know what I need to know. I know his character, his values, his work ethic, his faith and all the other important things that made him the man I chose to marry.
But does he know everything he needs to know about me? Does he truly know what’s on the mind of the woman he decided to spend the rest of his life with? Lately, I have been thinking about our relationship, how it came to be, what we have experienced together, and how much we have grown over the years. I also started thinking about a few things that my husband just might not know about me. Maybe it’s because I chose not to tell him, or maybe it’s because it just never came up or he never asked, but regardless of the reason, there are a few things.
Secrets don’t generally make for a strong relationship but in this case, I think my husband will be just fine if I let these cats out the bag.
I had doubts on our wedding day. Not doubts about whether or not I was marrying the right guy, but doubts about whether or not I was equipped to make this thing work. I didn’t grow up in the presence of a healthy, happy marriage, so I definitely had my doubts about whether or not I had what I needed to make this thing work. We’ve been married for over five years and we are still holding strong. We figure it out as we go along, and it turns out that there was no need for doubt.
I thought I was going to marry Morris Chestnut. And I’m sure he thought he was going to marry Halle Berry. It just didn’t happen for either of us. Sure, when I was younger, I thought the man of my dreams would be 6’5”, dark chocolate with perfect teeth. My husband is caramel and under 6’ tall (but his teeth are pretty nice, though). I’m glad God sent me the man I needed in my life instead of some cut-out of the man I thought I wanted.
I’m in awe of how he communicates with our son sometimes. I am a pretty good communicator and I pride myself on being patient, but sometimes my son just won’t listen at all and I probably don’t always handle it well. He’s 3-years-old, though, so not listening is to be expected. Now, although I don’t always agree with my husband’s approach to things, I have to admit that he has this stern and calm way of communicating things to my son and it leaves me in awe. He does it with compassion, but never fails to get his point across. It’s pretty awesome.
The thought of life without him scares the mess out of me. I plan to be in this marriage for at least 50 years – happy and healthy—but, I don’t know what life holds in store for us, and I know that there is a possibility of life without him. It’s one of my biggest fears. I know that I would find a way to survive, but I also know that he has become a part of my flow – my being – and life without him would be harder than I can imagine.
I have another soul mate. I have known my husband since I was 17, but when I was 9 I met someone else and that person is still a part of my life. It’s my best friend. She knows and understands me in a way that few people do. We often joke and say we were separated at birth. We live in different states and see each other 1-2 times a year if we are lucky, but I have always felt like we are kindred spirits. Our friendship doesn’t take away from my relationship with my husband in any way and he most certainly is my soul mate, but based on how I define soul mates, she is certainly one to me, too.
BMWK – can you relate? Does your spouse know everything about you?