Joy and happiness are two elements of a healthy marriage. They sound like the same thing but really they are very different. Yet, both are needed.

A marriage can have highs and lows, challenges and smooth sailing. Still, joy and happiness can be experienced every day. They are not something that you and your mate experience on holidays or a few times a year. It is possible to experience joy and happiness every day of your married life. [If you are not married modify this information to your relationship with family or a significant other].

Joy is an internal knowing. It begins on the inside and is expressed outwardly. Whereas, happiness is felt because of the events and situations that are “happening” around you. Joy is an internal quality and happiness is generally birthed from outside stimuli. Joy is not only an internal quality it is an eternal quality. It is something that belongs to you and can only be taken away when you choose to give it up. Happiness on the other hand, if not checked, is solely reliant on outside sources and can change with the blowing of the wind. A good balance is let your joy influence your happiness also and not solely external happenings.

Joy and happiness are both needed in a healthy marriage. They put a smile on your face, make the day run just a little smoother, and cause your heart to sing. Have you ever seen someone who has given away their joy? That person is generally depressive, lowly, sad, or woe is me.

You are responsible for your own joy and happiness. Don’t put this off on your mate. It is too much for them to handle.  Together you will experience joy and happiness, but you are not responsible to produce these qualities for the other person.

Now, by all means, this is not an open invitation to treat your mate poorly or without concern. Do your best to please your mate.  If you know it excites your mate when you bring him or her home something special from work why not do it? If all it takes is a special note in the lunch box or a single red rose picked up on the way home – why not do it? While it may not be your sole responsibility to make your mate happy or bring out feelings of joy, do your part.

Phrases like freedom, light hearted, he doesn’t let anything get him down, and she is always happy are associated with people who experience joy in their lives. Now add some happy occasions on top of this and you have a person who is much easier to get along with in a marriage relationship. Internal joy and the experience of happy happenings can help to eliminate the all too often mood swings that many of us experience.

Imagine experiencing joy and happiness every day in your marriage. It probably gives you a good feeling just thinking about it right now. Start to experience greater joy and more happiness by changing the way you see your daily situations. Here are 5 ideas to get you started:

1. Find the “lovely” in each activity of the day.  Search for something good or noteworthy in each situation you find yourself.
2. Look for solutions rather than hanging on to the problems.
3. Try to outdo one another in providing a home filled with joy and joyous activities.
4. If you know something bothers your spouse, steer away from that thing or sit down and talk about it, looking for a solution instead of rehashing what is wrong.
5. If you know certain things make your mate happy, make an effort to do those things.

It will take some effort from each spouse, but joy and happiness are yours. Take hold of them and don’t let go.

BMWK – What do you do, in your marriage, to help one another experience greater joy and happiness within your relationship? It might be something elaborate like vacations once a quarter or small like keeping the kitchen clean so the other spouse can easily get in there and cook a meal. Do tell!