This Thursday night is going to be the quietest night in the country. Why? Because every husband is saving up his limited opportunities for sex for Friday, Valentine’s Day.
But husband’s beware: don’t think you’re going to be swinging from the chandeliers on Friday if you haven’t put in any love-work Monday through Thursday. So don’t wait till Friday morning to start showing your wife how much you love her. If you haven’t been doing it all year, at least get started this Monday…that is, if you want to have a memorable Valentine’s Day Friday night.
Even if you have been putting in work throughout the year, you can never show too much love. So here are five ways a husband can show mad-love for his wife before Valentine’s Day…and after.
1. Realize that Valentine’s Day isn’t just a justification for sex.
Valentine’s Day isn’t just a justification for you to have sex. It’s a day for you to express the feelings you have towards your mate. A huge problem men have is not knowing how to express their feelings without feeling like a soft girly little punk in the process. And that’s real! But the way you can do it is to start with the six basic emotions – happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust (Ekman, 1972).
Think about what she does to make you feel happy and surprised. Then tell her what she does. It’s just that simple. If you want to be smooth about it, write down five things… and each day this week…slip her a note with one thing on it. (Tip: tell her about things related to who she is first, then describe what she does to validate your feelings. For example, ‘You are a great mother. You take wonderful care of our children…[and so on])’. By the time Friday comes, hold on to the headboard playa, because it’s going to be a bumpy enjoyable ride.
2. Pay attention to your wife, not the day.
Pay attention to your wife’s needs, not the socio-obligation of Valentine’s Day. Make your wife the priority, not the Valentine’s advertisements in the media. In other words, don’t buy a box of chocolates for your wife if she’s committed to losing weight this year. Put some earnest thought into it. Instead, take that same money and buy her a membership to one of the nationally recognized fitness gyms. There’s one running a special right now for $10 a month.
Sex without emotional connectivity is meant for jump-offs and side-chicks…not the woman you married. You’ve got to get emotionally connected to her through communication, non-sexual kisses, hugs and touching, and really taking an interest in what’s important to her. These kind of things help cement the emotional connection women need in order to really feel free in bed. Remember…dude…you asked her…she didn’t ask you. So be present and engaged with the one who you asked to spend the rest of her life with you. Because if you were really not interested, then you should’ve let that other brotha step in who was interested. IJS
4. Help a sista-out.
A busy working woman is so distracted with the responsibilities of a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and employee throughout the week. Her mind really isn’t focused on sexual activity until some of those things get cleared off her to-do list. If you love her, then help her clear some of that off her to-do list. Yes…you will have to sacrifice some of your time doing what you want to do. But that’s what grown men do for the women they love. But if you spend that time helping her clear-off her to-do list, then she can spend time focusing her mind on blowing yours on Friday night. IJS
5. Keep the romance going after Valentine’s Day.
Don’t be that ‘one-and-done’ dude. The day after Valentine’s Day, don’t recoil back into your disengaged tortoise-shell. Use this week’s momentum to create a new normal for your family. This is your opportunity to create a new environment that your household so desperately needs.
Let Valentine’s Day be the day you start romancing your way back to how it was in the beginning of your relationship. If you’re one of those dudes that thinks you still got it…and you can mack any female you want…if you wanted to; well pimpin’…then go ahead and start mack’n your wife.
See if you can get her to fall in love with you all over again. Set a goal for yourself that she will be the one who initiates sex 2, 3, 4, 5 times a week – whichever your mack-game is bad enough to handle.
Look, it’s just the two of you. If you have kids, they are going to leave the nest one day. Then it will be just the two of you again. So you might as well enjoy each other’s company on the journey…since you’re going to be together anyway. Put that love-work in homie! Make this week the week you jump-start things anew again.
What will you do to kick-start a new relationship with your wife this week?