If you’ve ever found yourself living the definition of insanity, having a hard time telling people no, allowing unhealthy relationships to block your blessings, struggling to reconcile your cultural heritage to the woman you want to become, or waiting on Prince Charming to come along and complete you, keep on reading.
My sister and I have conquered our own personal and professional struggles to finally walk in our purpose. Our book, Whose Shoes Are You Wearing? 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be, addresses issues faced by women of color on a daily basis, including how to integrate culture and heritage with the woman they aspire to be. It gives readers powerful insights from a spiritual perspective regarding the need to find and fit into their own God-given shoes. Through stories of personal tragedy, heartbreak and ultimate triumph, mixed with plenty of humor, we allow you to personally connect with our challenges in the hopes that it will help you overcome your own.
To get you started, we wanted to share these 6 reasons why you may not be walking in your own God-given shoes:
1. You refuse to remove the weave, the lashes and the heels.
You can’t heal what you won’t reveal. – Iyanla Vanzant
How can you expect to achieve your God-given greatness when you choose to continue to hide behind a mask? As women, it’s imperative that we learn to keep it real with the one person that truly matters – ourselves! Iyanla Vanzant has said: “You can’t heal what you won’t reveal”. So removing the weave, the lashes and the heels translates to whatever “masks” you hide behind.
2. You haven’t learned the true definition of insanity.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Webster’s definition of insanity is: the state of being seriously mentally ill; madness. The more modern definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I’d agree that equals madness, wouldn’t you? We’ve all done it. Most of the time, we continue to do the same thing because it’s either comfortable or because we think if we just continue to do it, it’ll get better. How’s that working for you? Chances are, it’s not. And only when you decide to finally admit it to yourself, will you be able to take the necessary steps to make that needed change.
3. You choose not to listen to that “still small voice”.
Sometimes making that NEXT BOLD move requires listening to that STILL SMALL voice. ”—Julian B. Kiganda
How many times have you done something “against your better judgement”? How many times have you thought to yourself, “man, I should’ve trusted my instinct”? Well, the more you tune into and listen to that “small voice”, the better chance you have of finding and walking in your own shoes.
4. You haven’t figured out how to heal and truly love yourself.
If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you convince others to believe in you?
The term self-love gets tossed around so frequently these days that people don’t really understand the importance of it, but it’s a projection of you. It influences everyday decisions you make, in addition to portraying the image of how people perceive you. What image do you want to reflect to the world? People will respond to what you express on the outside. Chances are, if you express doubt, low self-esteem, or uncertainty, you will get those same things in return. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you convince others to believe in you? Self-love is something you cultivate resulting from conscious actions you take.
5. You feel you need someone else to complete you
A house that is built by God will be completed. —Ethiopian Proverb
There are so many reasons related to our past that sometimes we feel we need another man to complete us…to make us feel happy…to make us feel loved…to make us feel more important. All of this is false! No one (but God Himself) can love you more than you love yourself. A spouse can compliment you, but he can’t complete you.
6. You haven’t learned how to say no (without explaining yourself)
“No” is one of the first words we comprehend when we learn how to talk. I remember all three of my children going through the “no” phase. Everything was “no” even when they really meant “yes.” But as adults, how many times do we say “yes” when we really want to yell “no”? How do we go from saying it so freely as babies, to being so scared to say it as adults? Why is it so difficult for us to just say no?
BMWK: What does walking in and wearing your own shoes mean to you?