“I was doing my best to do right by her and to be a good man to her but I guess it just wasn’t good enough.” This was the conversation I found myself in with someone in the sauna at the gym of all places. This man didn’t know me but he was subconsciously confiding in me about the fact that his wife was “wilding out” (aka staying out all night, cheating on him, and generally acting out of character). Now before all of you ladies reading have the impulsive response of “well he must not have been doing something right” or “well men cheat all of the time” let’s just give him the benefit of the doubt and follow me on this topic.
Not very often do we talk about the fact that there are many good men out there who find themselves getting mistreated and cheated on. Men can and do feel the same embarrassment, insecurity, fears, and emotions that women experience when they find out they’re being deceived. We don’t often hear those stories because while women can go and pour out their hearts to their friends or do Facebook rants and always having a kind listening ear, men don’t get that luxury. Not only does our pride stop us from doing it, but society doesn’t allow it. (Think about that).
No man wants others to know he got cheated on or that he is being mistreated by his woman. Of course in the eyes of others that would make him “soft” or of course it would mean he just wasn’t “taking care of home.” No one really just assumes that the woman could just be selfish or had a bad lapse in judgement or just isn’t a very honest or worthy mate.
Okay, so where am I going with this? This isn’t an attempt to have a battle of the sexes, it’s simply a question to ask:
- Where do all of the hurt men go when they’ve been hurt?
- Where do they go when they’re confused and trying to figure out how she ended up in the arms of another man, even though he thought his arms were good enough?
The truth is, he usually goes no where, turns to no one, and as a result he ends up angry, bitter, selfish, and nonchalant about ever loving again.
Women have affairs too and men stay and work through those issues as well, but here are few other things men suffer in silence through.
1) She’s abusive mentally, physically, or emotionally (yup men get abused too)
2) Financial struggles
3) Sexual dysfunction
4) Depression
5) Health issues
So where do all the good men go? The truth is, there are many places and ways even the most difficult situations can be worked through successfully. Spouses, clergy, mental and medical professionals can all help provide positive ways to work thru and heal emotional hardship. However, it’s also true that men WE must be the ones to take and make the first step.
BMWK Men, how have you handled being hurt by the woman in your life?
Once again you have written another great article Troy. I see so much of this in my father. Although he is a man of very few words, I have witness his happiness be evaporated within his marriage with my mother. My father will stay silent to keep the peace, yet there have been certain occasions where he has expressed to my mother that she treats him like a child. Unfortunately, this marriage breach has impacted so many of my father’s relationships. From my mother always answering his phone to the point that I have to call him on his lunch breaks at work and conflict’s on my father’s side because of my mother’s actions. He expresses to me how stressed and burdened he feels so it leaves me greatly concerned about his personal happiness.It hurts to see great men, including my father, suffer in silence.
Thanks for reading B. Williams and thanks again for the kind words. Sometimes need a voice to say what they might be thinking but might be judged for stating.
I don’t give a fuck about men getting hurt I am a great person & woman & guess what a man did me dirty & for fun I don’t give a fuck about men in glad yall hurt I want to see more of you all hurt
Whoa Crystal that’s a pretty strong statement but nevertheless I can hear the hurt in it. I am so sorry that a man did you wrong and I hope that you can heal. My hope is to not see anyone hurt but b/c we are human and we are all flawed it’s almost inevitable, thus we all need help healing sometimes. I hope that you can find some peace or have found some peace as I know this is a late response. If I can help in any way please reach out to me at [email protected].
I’m sorry that you were hurt by some A-hole just because “he could”, I pray you will heal w/o inflicting your pain on some innocent man. Remember ” hurt people,hurt people”. Do you have a brothers,a son,nephews or male friends that you a fond of? Would you wish the same uncarring feelings on their lives? May God bless you, and heal your damaged heart.
I applaud this article for bringing forth a subject that isn’t usually discussed. There is an excellent resource for men to discuss their issues with other men. The name of the website & talk show is called: Married Men don’t talk. This show allows men to anonymously voice their opinions while receiving male support and input from other men who have experienced similiar situations. This is an ALL MALE talk show where everyone is invited to listen but only men are invited to participate. I have listen to many of their topics and I can say as a married woman, it has definitely opened my eyes as to how men (especially married men) true feel and think about certain situations. Check them out! Shout out to my friend, Rodney Turner who introduced me to their broadcast. http://www.mmdt.org
My gf has 3 kids an 3 babydaddies she’s 34 and I’m 21 am I’m bout to be 22 she gets mad at me and throws dirt on my name to her best friend n wonders why I don’t want to meet her best friend and she talked to a guy n whom she was flirting with on social media n claims me to be a boy but I’m helping her take care of three kids that aren’t mine but I’m a boy I sacrificed so much before I even got to start my life lol but I’m a boy and then when I asked her about she lied then she said she don’t care good guys aren’t belonged in this world we get the most shit but the guys that don’t take care of they kids and do ppl dirty gets they shoulder brushed off eventually I feel like my heart gonna run out of blood n ima just be a vessel
Ummmm why are you even with her? Unburden yourself now. You’re too young and I’m assuming without children. Why are you messing with an older women who already has all that baggage? 3 children by 3 different men???? She clearly lacks responsibility and is with you so she can control you. You should be living out your 20s and having fun, learning more about yourself, discovering who are, traveling and stacking paper. You’re too young and childfree to be dealing with that mess. Please leave that woman alone or else you’ll be 25 going on 53 in looks by time you’re done dating her. Why are you helping her take care of her kids? Where are the baby daddies? Those kids are not your responsibility. Please leave this “woman” … more like female alone…. or you’ll regret it