I was talking to two young ladies at work and Lady A told us how she was hurt by her daughter’s father a couple of years ago. Because of his infidelity, she left him and says she is content being single forever. Lady A is only 22. I asked her if she is sure about being alone or would she ever trust another man. She flat out stated she will never let another man close to her.
Lady B shared how she was hurt by her ex-boyfriend years ago and had the same mindset as Lady A. She explained to Lady A that she was content being alone as well but realized she needed to trust God to help her learn to trust again. Now Lady B is in a very happy and healthy relationship with her boyfriend and have talked about a future together.
Lady B and I advised Lady A that not all men are the same as her ex-boyfriend and that there are many men that will treat her the way she wants to be treated. She still refuses to entertain the idea of a relationship. She said she forgave her ex-boyfriend for cheating, but we think if she forgave him, she shouldn’t punish all men for his deeds.
So Lady B and I gave Lady A the following suggestions to help her trust again. Hopefully this will help others struggling with trust as well.
- If cheating was what hurt you, know that it wasn’t your fault.
- If you pray, ask God to teach you how to trust.
- Don’t assume all men/women will hurt you.
- Take things slow in your next relationship.
- Be honest with yourself about what you will/will not tolerate in a relationship.
- Forgive the person who hurt you. It doesn’t dismiss the wrong, but it will release you from the wrong.
I don’t know if we got through to her but I would hate for her or anyone to miss out on an opportunity for a great relationship.
BMWK: If you were hurt in the past, how were you able to trust again?
OK says
Great Article! After 2 back to back bad relationships in my mid to late 30’s I can understand where Lady A is coming from, however I hope she starts to trust again. There are some great men out there, however I unfortunately haven’t came across one in my lifetime. I’m 42, unmarried, childless, have a decent career-2 jobs, my own home, independent, educated, and SINGLE! I’ve forgiven my past ex’s and myself. I don’t date because I’ve been overweight since age 18, and have had men tell me ‘you have a pretty face but… you’re nice but I not physically attracted to you. And I need you to take care of me until I get on my feet! After a few hiccups along the way Lol, I’ve embraced this single life. I trust that GOD will teach me how trust, and with that I will do better because I now know better.