On Valentine’s Day my husband gave me this tiny piece of artwork to put on my desk—something to make me laugh. Do you know what it says? It says, “Love you more than my iPhone.” Honesty, it had me cracking up because if the two of us aren’t mindful about our habits, someone can definitely be left feeling like they are competing with the iPhone for some love.

Technology is an amazing thing. It allows you to stay connected to people miles away, form great friendships with people you have never met in person, and even launch businesses that you can operate from anywhere in the world that has internet access. There is no denying the fact that technology offers us countless opportunities, and because of the kind of work I do, I am incredibly grateful for all the technological advancements we all enjoy.

But, as with all great things, technology also comes with many pitfalls, and if we are not mindful and responsible about how we use it, it can cause serious trouble. Technology can lead to job loss, damaged friendships, destroyed marriages, and parenting mistakes if used irresponsibly. Technology can also become a major distraction—sometimes even an obsession—that has an impact on how we interact with the people in our lives that matter most. The amount of time we spend on technology, when we choose to use it, and what we choose to use it for are all things that can have a powerful impact on our marital satisfaction.

The problem with technology is that the negative affects can creep up on you. Maybe you are an entrepreneur with the best intentions, but checking your email and updating social media platforms has taken over your life. Maybe you have a demanding career and you are glued to your laptop every night because you bring work home with you. Or maybe you are currently unhappy with your marriage and technology serves as an easy distraction from reality. Whatever your reasons might be, when your spouse starts to feel like the devices in your life are more important that they are, you definitely have a problem on your hands. And if you are married, you know very well that marital problems rarely (if ever) just disappear. They linger and become even bigger problems when you don’t address them.

So how can you tell if technology is killing your marriage? Here are a few indicators:

• You text your spouse more than you talk to them.
• It’s not uncommon to fall asleep with a smart phone, tablet or laptop on the bed.
• You spend more time surfing the web than spending quality time with your spouse.
• When you watch television with your spouse, your eyes keep drifting back and forth between your device and the television.
• You keep you smart phone in the kitchen during meal times.
• You check your phone whenever an alert goes off—even if your spouse is in the middle of talking.
• When you wake up in the morning, checking email is the very first thing you do.

Doing one (or all) of these things doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t even make you irresponsible, really. It simply means that you need to be more mindful of the role that technology plays in your life and your marriage. Even if staying connect is a huge part of the work you do to keep a roof over your heads, you cannot become so consumed with doing so that you fail to set boundaries. We establish boundaries with people and situations all the time to make our marriages work, so why is technology any different?

Even if your spouse has never said anything about the role technology plays in your lives, take some time to assess your habits. And if you have children, chances are your spouse isn’t the only one suffering—your relationship with your children could be suffering as well.

Having a candid conversation, without playing the blame game, can help you both establish what’s considered “too much” when it comes to technology use. It can also help you agree on a few new habits to limit your use of technology and use some of that time to rekindle the romance in your marriage or spend quality time with your family.

I can honestly say that with the work I do, technology will always play a major role in my life. I can also say that I have had moments where it was starting to take over and my husband pointed it out to me. I thank him for that. So what’s different now? I set boundaries and I am much more mindful of my behavior. I’m glad I made these changes because I definitely don’t want to kill my marriage. After all, I love my husband more than my iPhone, too.

BMWK family, how is technology damaging your relationship and what can you do to change?