by Valerie Wooten

1. If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It

The same things you did to get your mate, are the same things you need to do to keep your mate. In the beginning, you might have been going to the gym on a regular basis, making sure your shoe game was tight, or spritzing on your favorite cologne. Continue doing these things. You should still want to look good for your wife. You wouldn’t want her doing double takes at someone else, would you?

2. Surprise, Surprise
Surprise your wife every now and then. Flowers and candy are always nice gestures. How about a handwritten letter telling her how you feel? Or sweet little notes like “I love you” or “You’re beautiful.” Put them in places she frequents every day like on the bathroom mirror, on her steering wheel, or slip it into her purse. Take weekend getaways. It doesn’t have to be a full vacation but a mini vacay like to a local bed and breakfast or spa day for the both of you. It’s the little things that matter. It doesn’t have to be a big production all the time.

3. Help Out
All the household duties shouldn’t be solely one person’s responsibility. Fold the clothes if they need to be folded, help put the kids to bed every now and then, cook dinner sometimes. And do this without your wife having to ask you to do it. Helping each other out is a part of what marriage is about. Your service will be appreciated.

4. Pay Attention
Knowing your partner is a very important component in marriage. So you have to be tentative to what your wife wants and needs. If she needs quiet time, be willing to give it to her. Sometimes a woman needs space to herself. That could be just simply wanting to take a bubble bath and being alone for an hour. When she comes home from work, ask her how her day was and actually listen! There’s nothing worse than having to repeat yourself.

Pay attention to what’s going on in your wife’s life””what her work environment is like, how her social life affects her, if she’s worried about a family member. If there is something going on, try to alleviate her stress level. A nice massage or foot rub goes a long way!
Compliment your wife. This requires you to have to pay attention to her. Compliment her on that new shirt she just purchased or the new perfume she’s wearing. The point is to make your wife feel that you are paying attention to her.

5. 2 Become 1
The bond that you and your wife share is one that should never be broken. Sometimes life can come in between a husband and wife but don’t let that happen. Don’t let anything come in between you two–whether it’s work, friends or family. You made a commitment to each other and that bond should be so solid that nothing can break it.

6. Leave work at work
When you come home from work, your family should get your attention. It’s understandable if you have to bring work home sometimes but you shouldn’t neglect your wife. You have to find that balance; listening to your wife’s cues will tell you when she feels ignored.

7. Communicate!
Communication is the most important element of marriage. You have to tell your spouse how you’re feeling. She might not always take the hint. If you don’t tell her then how would she know? You can’t expect her to read your mind. If you’ve communicated to her in the past and she still doesn’t understand you, sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. Watch your approach.

8. Swallow Your Pride
You’re not right all the time. It’s not “my” marriage, it’s “our” marriage. Listening to your wife and letting your wife know that you’re listening is important. Yes you are the man of the house but she has a say-so in important matters of the house as well. Respect your wife. She’s there to help you, not hurt you. Don’t be afraid to let her know that you need her””because you do.

Valerie has been writing since the age of 11 and even after a marriage and 2 children, her dreams of becoming a writer has not slowed down. She is  currently obtaining her bachelor’s degree in professional writing and working two books, including a book  about marriage titled, It’s Marriage, Not Magic. This article is an  excerpt from that book. She blogs at  Ms. Reality Check.