Ever notice how in sitcoms the husband is always bigger than the wife? He’ll be a pretty husky guy and the wife is generally slimmer and (thought to be) more attractive? Fresh Prince? According to Jim? Family Matters? Heck, The Simpsons? Why does that notion prevail, time and time again? A new study might shed some light on it.
A recently released study from the July issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science says that martial satisfaction is higher when the wife has a lower body mass index (BMI) than her husband:
The four-year study of 169 newlywed couples found that husbands were more satisfied initially and wives were more satisfied over time when the fairer sex had a lower body mass index — a common measure of body fat.
However…
The importance of relative weight may vary between couples as well as between cultures. Ninety-four percent of the partners involved in the study were white.
“The emphasis on weight is an American and European value,” said Heitler. “The finding may be very different among the black community. In Africa, weight is a sign of fertility and voluptuousness. Heavier women are prized in that culture.”
The article also pointed out a huge truism: unhappiness can lead to weight gain, not just the other way around. In other words, problems testing the marriage might trigger the weight gain.
We’re taught not to be shallow, that when we say “For better or for worse” we’re taking in the whole person, not just their outer appearance. And that is true. But we also know countless husbands and wives who complain that their partner has “let themselves go” after a certain point. After marriage, we tend to get a little comfortable and a lot busier and our weight can suffer as a result. But we’re adults, right? We should also feel comfortable enough to let our spouses know that we’re concerned that they’re carrying around something extra. Right?
How has weight (either yours or your spouses’) affected your marriage? Are you roughly the same size you were when you got married?
I do know from men themselves that if more black women got in the gym and got in shape instead of walking around with rolls and fat and calling obesity ‘thick’… More of them would be considered wife material not just sex material! Women wear your real hair and lose the WEIGHT. It is not the attitude or whatever else keeping us the most unmarried group…it’s our WEIGHT. All the women who got married to a guy anyone else would want in my circles were in shape. Period.
When I married my husband I was about 30 pounds heavier than when I met him. Fastforward 3 years later and I was a total of 60 pounds heavier when we got pregnant with our son. My husband never told me I was anything but beautiful and sexy. After I had my son I tried different diets and exercise routines. When my son turned 2 y/o I joined weight watchers and I’m now 50lbs smaller than I was on my wedding day. I’m 10lbs away from the size I was when I met my husband. My weight caused ME unhappiness, made me feel less sexy, made me feel less confident but my husband stayed consistent in his love and devotion to me! And he’s always been an athlete, slid a little with me on weight gain but never got over 225 at 6’2. Now 2yrs later we’re both slimmer, eat better, workout together and have even better sex after I decided to change my lifestyle! It’s a choice. I’m from the south so most of the men we know love “thick” women but when “thick” becomes obesity we have to consider our love for those women going beyond the surface and consider their health.
Wow! Love your story! It seems obesity is starting to surface younger now! Teens are looking bigger than their moms. Fitness is a topic that is barely talked about or accepted in my community. Folks do not understand how exercise can change their life for the better.
Wow! Love your story! It seems obesity is starting to surface younger now! Teens are looking bigger than their moms. Fitness is a topic that is barely talked about or accepted in my community. Folks do not understand how exercise can change their life for the better.
When I married my husband I was about 30 pounds heavier than when I met him. Fastforward 3 years later and I was a total of 60 pounds heavier when we got pregnant with our son. My husband never told me I was anything but beautiful and sexy. After I had my son I tried different diets and exercise routines. When my son turned 2 y/o I joined weight watchers and I’m now 50lbs smaller than I was on my wedding day. I’m 10lbs away from the size I was when I met my husband. My weight caused ME unhappiness, made me feel less sexy, made me feel less confident but my husband stayed consistent in his love and devotion to me! And he’s always been an athlete, slid a little with me on weight gain but never got over 225 at 6’2. Now 2yrs later we’re both slimmer, eat better, workout together and have even better sex after I decided to change my lifestyle! It’s a choice. I’m from the south so most of the men we know love “thick” women but when “thick” becomes obesity we have to consider our love for those women going beyond the surface and consider their health.
My guide has always been, as long as we match. lol! Married 14 years w/6 kids.
LOL, my hubby doesn’t like it when we match but i do .I don’t think there is anything wrong with it,i like it.Just wanted to comment:).18yrs married and 3 kids.
LOL, my hubby doesn’t like it when we match but i do .I don’t think there is anything wrong with it,i like it.Just wanted to comment:).18yrs married and 3 kids.
My guide has always been, as long as we match. lol! Married 14 years w/6 kids.
I don’t think that this is indicative of much else except that for most women in American culure, we like to think of our men as strong and able to protect us whether we need it or not. We do not want someone we perceive to be a ‘punk’ . Sometimes that translates to a physical bias, and likewise men here are socialised to want women whom they perceive to need them. If you are a substantially larger than the men there is a chance they will not perceive you as a mate. IJS….
I don’t think that this is indicative of much else except that for most women in American culure, we like to think of our men as strong and able to protect us whether we need it or not. We do not want someone we perceive to be a ‘punk’ . Sometimes that translates to a physical bias, and likewise men here are socialised to want women whom they perceive to need them. If you are a substantially larger than the men there is a chance they will not perceive you as a mate. IJS….
There is alot of truth in this article. To me it borders on fraudlent behavior to be a sexy stilletto wearing size 6 before marriage and then two years later blow up into a flannel pajama wearing size 18. How you get him is how you keep him. Not saying things won’t shift and expand some over the years, but it is totally unfair for a person to think that it’s acceptable to let themselves go and gain a ton of weight after marriage….baby or not. It is a well known fact that getting pregnant will make you gain weight, so devising a plan to lose it is a must, and this is coming from a person who has given birth 5 times. Your spouse has the right to have you somewhere in the ball park of the condition that he got you in. Should you drastically change that condition do to laziness, neglect, or just getting to comfortable, then to me he has the right to stop being attracted to you…. and nope, that doesn’t make him shallow!
There is alot of truth in this article. To me it borders on fraudlent behavior to be a sexy stilletto wearing size 6 before marriage and then two years later blow up into a flannel pajama wearing size 18. How you get him is how you keep him. Not saying things won’t shift and expand some over the years, but it is totally unfair for a person to think that it’s acceptable to let themselves go and gain a ton of weight after marriage….baby or not. It is a well known fact that getting pregnant will make you gain weight, so devising a plan to lose it is a must, and this is coming from a person who has given birth 5 times. Your spouse has the right to have you somewhere in the ball park of the condition that he got you in. Should you drastically change that condition do to laziness, neglect, or just getting to comfortable, then to me he has the right to stop being attracted to you…. and nope, that doesn’t make him shallow!
I have had 3 children and only went up one pant size and bra size! Praise the Lord! But, my father is slender and tall, so it is genetic. I have never dieted a day in my life. My hubby on the other hand has picked up. I just want him to be healthy and able to live a long life. So, we talk about it and I encourage him to do better. But, I love him the same!
I have had 3 children and only went up one pant size and bra size! Praise the Lord! But, my father is slender and tall, so it is genetic. I have never dieted a day in my life. My hubby on the other hand has picked up. I just want him to be healthy and able to live a long life. So, we talk about it and I encourage him to do better. But, I love him the same!
The title is misleading, thinner does not equal a happier marriage; rather,
a woman confident with her body makes for a happier marriage. When a
woman loves her body she exudes confidence which elevates her sex
appeal. So whether its 130 or 230, a woman’s confidence is the key…
The title is misleading, thinner does not equal a happier marriage; rather,
a woman confident with her body makes for a happier marriage. When a
woman loves her body she exudes confidence which elevates her sex
appeal. So whether its 130 or 230, a woman’s confidence is the key…
I wonder if it matters to the husband who is facing a debilitating illness, or another life altering event that his wife is slim? My aunt, who is by no means a slender woman, but not overtly obese either, fought doctors, nurses, hospice workers all who wanted to take my slender uncle off of life support. She made them work to save his life and while he’ll be in the hospital for a while – he’s breathing on his own and thriving. I can guarantee you his concern is not about her pant size but that she loved him enough to fight for him when he didn’t have a voice.
I am reminded of T.D. Jakes’ 1st sacred love songs album – “He teaches me to love” a lovely reminder to find a lover of day and not just of the night. To find and be found by one who can withstand the flux of life, encourage change lovingly and fight to stay within the commitment is my dream.
One other thing – As an endurance runner (marathons – full and half), cyclist, hiker, soon to be a dual and tri athlete, who frequents the gym and am a size 16 find it silly that there are those who deem me unhealthy because I am not “slender”. Newsflash! – Slender doesn’t = healthy. Nor does being overweight = unhappiness. I am healthy (doctor tested), strong and happy. There will always be those who judge (often mistakenly) the plus size woman/man and check them off as unhealthy and unhappy but it’s their loss. Don’t let the size fool you – as I tell the slender sista on the treadmill next to me – I may not run the race fast but I can endure and finish the race happy, healthy and whole.
My peace,
K
I wonder if it matters to the husband who is facing a debilitating illness, or another life altering event that his wife is slim? My aunt, who is by no means a slender woman, but not overtly obese either, fought doctors, nurses, hospice workers all who wanted to take my slender uncle off of life support. She made them work to save his life and while he’ll be in the hospital for a while – he’s breathing on his own and thriving. I can guarantee you his concern is not about her pant size but that she loved him enough to fight for him when he didn’t have a voice.
I am reminded of T.D. Jakes’ 1st sacred love songs album – “He teaches me to love” a lovely reminder to find a lover of day and not just of the night. To find and be found by one who can withstand the flux of life, encourage change lovingly and fight to stay within the commitment is my dream.
One other thing – As an endurance runner (marathons – full and half), cyclist, hiker, soon to be a dual and tri athlete, who frequents the gym and am a size 16 find it silly that there are those who deem me unhealthy because I am not “slender”. Newsflash! – Slender doesn’t = healthy. Nor does being overweight = unhappiness. I am healthy (doctor tested), strong and happy. There will always be those who judge (often mistakenly) the plus size woman/man and check them off as unhealthy and unhappy but it’s their loss. Don’t let the size fool you – as I tell the slender sista on the treadmill next to me – I may not run the race fast but I can endure and finish the race happy, healthy and whole.
My peace,
K
My close friend is a fitness instructor and can run and exercise her clients (who are way thinner than her) until they can barely make it, but she can’t get a job as a fitness instructor at gyms because she’s not the “regular” size of a fitness trainer. Keep up the excellent work. God bless.
I am the same petite size I was when I married my husband 19 years ago. My size and shape are hereditary. I exercise, and watch what I eat for cosmetic and health reasons. I have no need to lose weight. My husband loves the way I look. People often mistake me for our 14 year old daughter. I consider that a great blessing!
Self confidence is a needed thing. In addition to this, adoration in the eyes of your mate when he looks at you can go along way to keeping a marriage good over time. Let’s keep in mind that men are very visual creatures. It can cause problems in a marriage if a woman doesn’t meet her husband’s idea of physical attractiveness (with no effort to change things in a more positive direction).
I am the same petite size I was when I married my husband 19 years ago. My size and shape are hereditary. I exercise, and watch what I eat for cosmetic and health reasons. I have no need to lose weight. My husband loves the way I look. People often mistake me for our 14 year old daughter. I consider that a great blessing!
Self confidence is a needed thing. In addition to this, adoration in the eyes of your mate when he looks at you can go along way to keeping a marriage good over time. Let’s keep in mind that men are very visual creatures. It can cause problems in a marriage if a woman doesn’t meet her husband’s idea of physical attractiveness (with no effort to change things in a more positive direction).
I’m much happier and healthier when I watch my weight and show concern for my husband’s weight as well! I agree with an earlier post, once we are confidant and happy with our size and health, it makes for a happier marriage! We’ve been married for 23 years with 4 kids(2 from his previous marriage, 1 from mine and 1 together) between us! It keep getting better with time!
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