Are you one of those people who after getting married realized there were certain things you wish you had known before saying “I do”? In fact I often hear these conversations in my circle of married friends.
I feel like my relationship could’ve done without a lot of the early drama we had in the beginning, if only I had known certain things. I think part of being a grown up in a marriage is about accepting the good with the bad. Not being naive and not having unrealistic expectations. So to those newly engaged and those recreating their marriage, if you would like to build on a healthy foundation know what to expect.
- We get out of it what we put in. It might occasionally feel like work, but if you don’t feed your marriage, it will starve.
- Some days your spouse just won’t be feeling you and it is ok. Because on certain days, you won’t be feeling them either. It’s important for each person in the relationship to have their own hobbies and a life outside of their spouse. A smothering spouse can ruin a marriage.
- Something is going to set you off, piss you off and almost take you to your limit. But you are the only one that has the power to control what and how you react to what happens.
- You are going to get tired. Physically and emotionally. Make sure you are getting the necessary rest and relaxation. Don’t try being a superhero; know your limits and do what you can when you can. Be honest about when you need a break.
- Occasionally your effort might not be matched by your spouse at any given time and it is also ok and shouldn’t stop you from giving your all.
- Your spouse just might not get it. No matter how many times you’ve explained it there will be things you won’t agree on. He’ll have his view and she’ll be sold on her opinion. Know how to agree to disagree and move on.
- You have a say so in the type of marriage you will have. From the very beginning your actions or lack thereof will determine if there is effective communication, teamwork, honesty and true commitment.
- There are different paths that lead to the same result. Your spouse is not you, so he/she won’t always do things as you would. Accept that and keep it moving forward.
- It won’t work without both partners being present. Showing up, trying harder, giving more of self and time is key.
- Others are using your marriage as inspiration. People today need hope they want and need to see healthy marriages, especially in our communities.
Knowing what it takes going in helps to keep us prepared for the long haul. Being realistic and always willing to give your all is an excellent way to build your marriage.
BMWK family, what’s one thing you wish you had known before you got married?
I like this article, its very insightful. I’m sharing it with my husband right now.
Thank you!
Thank you!
this is great! Especially number ten, most of the women in my family are either single or divorced, so its up to me @ 28 to prove that it can work for the younger generations! Talk about pressure!
Nellie, I agree it is a lot of pressure, but I believe we owe to ourselves to have a healthy marriage. We deserve it. Thanks!
Nice list! thanks for sharing..
Not married, but from relationships.. one thing I’ll add is that sometimes you may have to FORCE yourself to remember the awesome things that you love about your partner. It didn’t happen often, but once in a while it seems like I couldn’t remember much good about her. 🙂
Oh.. and sometimes the ‘lil things they did to get us’ change b/c our reactions to them have changed. Like.. she used to give me a HUGE hug + super big wet kiss when I got her flowers.. but now she smiles and says thanks. Both are appreciation.. but I wanna HUG and KISS dammit! 🙂 And same with other things..
Thanks Discussion King. Have you let her know you need those hugs and kisses?
I love this article and plan on sharing with my married friends and putting a link on the blog. Currently divorced but in a loving realationship. I plan to keep this one close at hand. Thanks again for the great article.
Thank you Ladyjay!
Excellent post as always Tiya and I love #10:
“10. Others are using your marriage as inspiration. People today need
hope they want and need to see healthy marriages, especially in our
communities.”
So true!
Thank you Lamar.
GREAT post Tiya. All the items where excellent. Loved 2, 3 and 5 because folks often don’t think these are ingredients of marriage.
Because people love #10 I would be honored to share a recent post on that very subject: https://ruleyourwife316.com/2011/08/08/somebody-is-watching-you/
http://www.ruleyourwife316.com
Thanks Reginald. I am going to check out your link. Thanks for sharing.
Very helpful information. Thanks
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. I am definitely learning these things as I grow with my fiance’. I look forward to sharing our lives together and it is good to know that relationships will have its ups and downs and it does not mean “run” especially if the downs are times where you can grow as person.
Well said. Thank you!
Good stuff!! This should be required premarital reading. Love it and appreciate you for sharing it.
Thanks Tyva!
good stuff! all are great points and that one that hit home the most was #10. even tho its a great feeling, its alot of pressure! 🙂
Ryan, I agree it is a lot of pressure at times.
Very true article!
Thanks Crystal.
Tiya! OMGosh! Not only am I going to share this w/my husband, I wished I’d known how critical he can be at times. I admit I have my flaws but sheesh! It seems as if I’m wrong no matter what & it does get frustrating & make me want to give up BUT I trust God put us together & NO man can put asunder!
Thanks for the great article!
Thanks Divine Diva for sharing. Yes, trust GOD and continue to put 100% into your half of the relationship.
My husband and I are 10 years in and I never tire of reading articles like this. Thanks for the post!
Thank you Sherease.
I’m not married,but this is very inspiring and one to grow on.
Thanks Almac
Great message again Tiya! I especially like 6-10. My husband and I will cross over 17 years of marriage next June and my parents just crossed over 56 years yesterday. I can tell you that #10 definately applies . . . watching my mother and father thrive still after 56 plus years is just an amazing and tangible thing! It proves that you CAN do this thing called marriage long term for a life time — but it takes work work work!
Love this from over the waters in cold England!! Also love discussion king’s comments – spot on!!
You Asked: BMWK family, what’s one thing you wish you had known before you got married? The one true thing I wish I had known before saying I Do…is his REAL personality, WHO I was really saying I Do to….and I also wish I had known deep within that I truly wasn’t ready! Had I known those things, I wouldn’t be living a life/marriage with so much regret!
I am a married man going through a lot of those situations you touched on but I disagree. Why does lack of effort get a pass, I mean I know no one is perfect and we make mistakes but if I except I’m giving her the okay to be lazy with our marriage. My wife’s in the military and she does have her life outside of me but when that life entails other males texting, phone calls what am I to do. She knows our marriage lack the trust it needs and to still carry on its a slap in the face. I believe everyone in a marriage should be putting forth maximum effort. My marriage comes third on my wife totem pole cause of the kids and military but why, as a man I was taught to put baby above everything cause when she happy it the trickle down effect but I got to deal with half hearted efforts. Why don’t we talk about how woman have down graded from queens to hood rats giving the dogs they heart and the good men there wrath.
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