by Lamar Tyler
On the way home from work I was listening to Michael Baisden and they were talking about parents looking through their kids stuff and he was saying his kids call him “ND” Nosey Daddy. Some lady even called in and said she caught her 8 year old with a myspace page.
I’m totally with him on this one. All of that kids have rights too stuff is overrated, especially in the age of 1 out of 4 STD’s and myspace. Our teenage son has been caught slippin on more than one occasion so as long as I keep finding stuff I don’t feel the least bit of guilt. I’ve been known to print out a chat transcript then provide the evidence like the late Johnny Cochran. I can tap into a phone conversation better than Lester on “The Wire” (see pic above) and will then question you to see how many lies you tell like Bill Duke in “Menace II Society” – “You know you then @#$#@ up right? (Don’t worry I leave the cuss word out)
Book bags, closets, dresser drawers, it’s whatever. My house my stuff and if I find something then that renews my search warrant for another 1.5 year period.
BMWK family how do you handle your kids – so called personal items? Let them wing it? Do you get all Scotland Yard on them? Please share…
I believe a kid’s room should be a private space (unless a parent has reason to believe that the kid has done something wrong). However, the computer MUST
Usually by the time you figure out something is going wrong it has gone so wrong that you may find it hard to pull them back. To keep yourself from being caught off guard, do some snooping, and a lot of talking. Find out where there head is even if you have to stay up till the wee hours of the morning just talking. Above all pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, and then pray some more. If you look at all the things out there these days that could come in your door you would snoop. Leaving a child, especially a teenager to themselves is just asking for trouble. We all would like to think that our children won’t do certain things, but truth be told you never know. Remember some of the children in your neighbor hood that you grew up with and you said, “man I did not think they would turn out like that.” Sometime our children are introduced to things that we did not teach them, but somehow it comes creeping into their minds, and then your home. We can not put our heads under a rock and think that just because we have this awesome relationship with our kids that they are not going to do, or try things. We are not with them 24/7, so anything could be introduced to them, and we are not there to protect them from it. One thing as much as we love them, you never know “completely” what is on their minds or anyone’s mind. So snoop. You don’t always have to let it be known. And if they find out, remember who is paying the mortgage. It is not their room. We are only letting them stay there rent free. So what is in that house is yours. The gas, electricity, water, food. Stuff we let them “borrow”. One day they have to leave and get there own stuff. So when they say why were you in my room, remind them it is not their room and stuff (that you bought) you were going through your stuff in your house in your room. Remember PRAY!
Usually by the time you figure out something is going wrong it has gone so wrong that you may find it hard to pull them back. To keep yourself from being caught off guard, do some snooping, and a lot of talking. Find out where there head is even if you have to stay up till the wee hours of the morning just talking. Above all pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, and then pray some more. If you look at all the things out there these days that could come in your door you would snoop. Leaving a child, especially a teenager to themselves is just asking for trouble. We all would like to think that our children won’t do certain things, but truth be told you never know. Remember some of the children in your neighbor hood that you grew up with and you said, “man I did not think they would turn out like that.” Sometime our children are introduced to things that we did not teach them, but somehow it comes creeping into their minds, and then your home. We can not put our heads under a rock and think that just because we have this awesome relationship with our kids that they are not going to do, or try things. We are not with them 24/7, so anything could be introduced to them, and we are not there to protect them from it. One thing as much as we love them, you never know “completely” what is on their minds or anyone’s mind. So snoop. You don’t always have to let it be known. And if they find out, remember who is paying the mortgage. It is not their room. We are only letting them stay there rent free. So what is in that house is yours. The gas, electricity, water, food. Stuff we let them “borrow”. One day they have to leave and get there own stuff. So when they say why were you in my room, remind them it is not their room and stuff (that you bought) you were going through your stuff in your house in your room. Remember PRAY!
I believe a kids room should be a private space (unless a parent has reason to believe that the kid has done something wrong). However, the computer MUST be a prime public space in the house …… with plenty of wakl-through. Also, there should be no tv or telephone in the kid’s room, and no way should the kid have a cell phone.
My kids are too young to really weigh in on this one, but I think its a parents duty to know who their kids friends are and what theyre up to within reason. If you suspect something is up, you are well within your rights to check it out. As long as that child lives in your house, they are your responsibility.
Waiting to find a reason or when you suspect a reason usually is tooooooo late. These children now days are SMART. They do not play with or in the same arena that we played in. I know that parents have children that have social accounts, hotmail, and yahoo, that they know about. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that they can build one use a different name that you don’t know about. It is like have a heads up before it happens. Snoop and pray or be caught off guard.
My mama always told me “Her house her rules” so she would look through all of our things in our rooms whenever she felt like it… We never had privacy. Now i think thats being pretty smart as a parent.
I will keep the reins tight on my kids when it comes to the internet, but I wouldn’t search my kids’ room unless they gave me reason to.
I believe that parents need let kids be kids. I remember my Dad found a Playboy in room when I was a kid and he didn’t trip. He just told me why it wasn’t good and let me decide whether to throw it away.
My 21-year old son still said last week that I was “overprotecting” him after I went into his Facebook account and found he filled all the parameters they asked for in his profile including the address, cell and home phone numbers. With his birthday on there I felt his identity could be stolen. You have to do what’s best for your kids. They may be doing drugs, have a gun and more. Snoop as much as you want! That’s my advice to parents.
My son is 9, so I don’t really have privacy issues as of yet. However, I feel like when my son pays the bills in MY house then he can have a reasonable expectation of property. So long as he lives in MY house where I pay the bills and if I have a reason to believe something is not right, I have the right to search whatever I want to search. My parents were the same way with me and my siblings, and rightfully so.
I am not a snoop by nature. Be careful what you snoop for you may open Pandoras Box. lol. Just a FYI for all the woman. I know some who snoop in their mans wallet, cell phones and gym bags. Too much work. Kids and privacy is a privillage not a right. I have a right to envade their privillige whenever I want. I did not have to though. I did invest time in my kids friends, that is important. Our computers were always in a common area and when they were younger we set up their computer accounts and gave them their passwords.
I beleive if you raise them right that most will never want to see you disappointed with them. My kids know where I am if they want to talk or need advice. Because my kids naturally earned privacy it also built a trust between us. I played Private Investigator on the friends they did not bring home, kids know which kids to bring home like a man knows which woman in his life he lets meet mom. lol.
Whoa, whoa, whoa Anna, nobody said anything about snoopin on your man… now that’s crossing the line 🙂
Thedad, I know. but would make for a great topic. lol
I am all for “snooping” with your kids. Think about it…if you’re child is engaged in some shady activity that has legal and/or financial repercussions, guess who is financially responsible? You, the parent. You can’t claim “I didn’t know what was going on…I am just as shocked as you are.” And know this…the government probably knows more about what your kids does than you do!
Tam Tam, that is so true. Big Brother is always watching. I have not decided if it is a good thing or my right of privacy. Honestly scratched my head on this one.
I remember having no privacy in my parents house. So I rented an apartment. I came home one day and my father had left a note regarding some things that he had seen in my apartment. When I called to complain, my father said ‘well if you want privacy, don’t move out of your fathers house into an apartment you’re renting from your uncle”.
no they dont, but they do when they secure their own mortgage
I am totally with you on the warrent renewal when evidence is found. I believe parents have to parent and that is just the way it is. Parenting is not allowing them free range it is guiding them…..bring up the child in the way that they should go, knowing that they may stray from time to time doesn’t mean through in the towel. Teaching our children is an ongoing opportunity to help them to develope into conscious human beings.
kim h20s Says:
April 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I remember having no privacy in my parents house. So I rented an apartment. I came home one day and my father had left a note regarding some things that he had seen in my apartment. When I called to complain, my father said ‘well if you want privacy, dont move out of your fathers house into an apartment youre renting from your uncleâ€.
wow! Not to me that is going to the extreme.
So if a child wrote in their diary that they hated a relative, or even you, would you bring it up? Don’t the kids just learn how to be deceptive?
I think there is a different between snooping based on suspicion and snooping just because.
What if you find a gift intened for you for Mother’s/Father’s day? Are you good at faking surprise?
lunanoire Says: What if you find a gift intened for you for Mothers/Fathers day? Are you good at faking surprise?
Being one that does not like a surprise. And does not snoop, Mother’s/Father’s Day gift is expected. I will not ruin my real reaction on my kids giving me a gift. Nor what they buy me for my birthday or Christmas. Just as I don’t want my kids to cheat and open their presents under the Christmas Tree. Yes you can fake a surprise but why? Nothing wrong with some self restraint.
kim h20
situations like that is why some students move to the other side of the country for school and make it a point to study abroad. I did. I wanted it to be too expensive and inconvenient for my parents to stop by unannounced, not that i had anything to hide.
Think about this for a second. Since you knew your parents were snooping, and you did not have any privacy did you think twice before doing something? The parameters were set up in your mind. You probably would think to yourself, “naw I can’t do that because I know my snooping parents are going to find out.”
Now think about how since you did not do it because your parents were going to snoop and find out, how many of those decisions if you had choose to do them would have cause you trouble now?
Please, a condom in my son’s wallet better not be a mothers day intended gift. If a child shows signs of his now abnormal activities, I don’t need self restraint, i need to be a the parent, and not best friend. Children grew up in a church going family & has always kept good lines of communication open, but they will not always tell you everything they say they do. I never snooped before because I didn’t have any reason, but after meeting a few new friends, found a little difference in my sons actions.
The only person that pays to be the boss in my home is me (and of course my husband). I love my children, and because I do, I will take every measure to ensure that they are not doing anything they should not be doing. That is why God gave children parents – for guidance.
By the time my children are 7 years old, they know or at least they are told on occasions that there stay is temporary. They are on something like a lease. I will provide for all of your needs, and basic wants, but everything in my home is mines – unless I choose to gift it to you at a later date.
Privacy, say what! As a child, I had privacy, or lack of attention. So, not knowing any better, I just did what I wasn’t afraid to do, but I didn’t want my mom to know because I knew she wouldn’t like it. When we keep our children occupied with positive, healthy, and educational activities we would not have to worry so much about snooping because we already know what they are doing.
Even though you know what they are doing you still need to snoop because we do not know totally who or what the other children that they hang out with are up to, because the other children don’t live with us.
well, i just found out today that my dad was snooping through my cell phone. i have to admit it was pretty embarising. but the stuff he found on there, well i thought he was going to kill me. instead he ended up helping me. my friends told me i’d be dead if my parents ever found out what i’d texted and recieved to/from this boy. anyhoo, i still think its completely wrong. except on some occasions where you know your child is in danger.
I have a teenage boy and we have an agreement, I pay the cell phone bill and he doesnt get any privacy. It was the arrangment we made before I bought the phone. It seems to work for us. It keeps him in line and I get to keep my sanity.
’bout the only thing that belongs to my daughter in my house is her purse now I won’t go through that but bedroom, my computer you best believe I will be agent 007.