by Sheree Adams
When was the last time your husband saw your alter ego? Come on…you know we all have one. I know she has a name too. Well…where is she??? The one that hooked and reeled him in years ago? The one that would call or text in the middle of the day to say, “I want you” or “I can still smell you in the pillowcase”? Times up! If you have to think about it longer than 5 seconds, its been too long.
I went to a bachelorette party recently and one of the activities was exchanging “dirty little bedroom secrets” so the bride-to-be could take note for the consummation of their upcoming marriage. I will be the first to admit, that I had lots to share. As a mater of fact, all of us married women did. But how many of us had used or even tried any of these seductive ‘moves’ on our husbands in the recent past? I didn’t take a survey, but from general small talk about being taxis for the kids, sports/activities, busy family life, our careers etc. I could safely say that the vast majority of us were lacking the energy it takes to even be these vixens in the bedroom on a regular basis that we were so vividly describing.
My feelings are like this: Life sometimes gets in the way, but you have to make certain that just like you plan Girls’ Night Out, you can certainly plan what I like to call a “take down” A.K.A. a session of female-dominant seduction. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t your man really like it when YOU seduce him? They find it sexy when you’re a perfect lady (during the day) and “scotch bonnet pepper” in the sheets.
A friend of mine shared one of her tried, true and exciting ways to start your “take down” and that’s actually during the day…while he’s at work and can’t get to you. Send 4-5 texts throughout the day, like this: “I can’t wait to see you tonight…” “When I see you tonight, I’m gonna…” “I’m not wearing any….” You get the picture. Some people refer to it as “sexting” (Kinda has a ring to it.) So, by the time your man pulls into the driveway *ahem* having received all of those text messages throughout the day, he’ll be like a young pimple-faced teenager, especially when he sees you in that lingerie he hasn’t seen you in since the honeymoon! 🙂
Try it and be sure to shoot me a signal or a sign that you successfully executed a “take down”. And guys, tell your wives or wifeys to join me here, you’ll be a happier man because of it.
Sheree is a Christian, wife, WAHM of three, nurse, blogger and speaker, who is forever drawn to all things health-related. You can find her blogging about marriage, family, health tips and more as Smart & Sassy Mom. Sheree is committed to helping blended families and keeping marriages strong, healthy, fun and SPICY! Learn more about Sheree on her Website and via Twitter.
Janeane Davis says
You are absolutely correct! As married women, we need to keep things spicy at home. Think of it like a holiday dinner. Everyone loves the Thanksgiving feast with the extra treats and surprises. I think our marriages will be better if we offer our husbands holiday treats and surprises more often. After 22 years of a happy and hot marriage, I think I know something about this topic. Thanks for sharing.
Sheree says
Yes, you do! You know a lot about this topic. 22 years…I love it! Congrats!
Jasmine says
Psssh. IF I could FIT the lingerie from my honeymoon. This body has pushed out three babies and kept the lbs as a souvenir.Great post!
Sheree says
C’mon Jasmine! Show me a man who cares about your flaws. Three babies or not! He loves you and will appreciate your sexy just the same.
Diamond says
You are never too big or too old to seduce your man! Men love a confident woman. As a matter of fact, sex is so much better when you just let everything go. Your week will go so much better and so will your relationship. Honestly, if you can’t be your husband’s everything he will go and find someone else to do it for him.
Sheree says
You’re right about that Diamond. Never too “anything” to seduce. They appreciate you just the way you are!
Troy says
Well spoken!
Shaun says
Absolutely!! Unfortunately I have to admit that I was one that was so overwhelmed with life (work, kids, ministry) that I didn’t have the time or the energy to be anybody’s vixen. I have been married now for 8 years and it gets better. I began to force myself to shut down at a certain time so that I’m not falling asleep when I hit the pillow. It is work ladies but it is well worth the effort it takes!! I have a theory that you have everything already built in that allows you to get everything you desire from your relationship. What I mean is make him want to come home, make him want to help around the house, make him want to buy that huge diamond ring, and the way you do that is to step out of the place of comfort. Do something that is beyond yourself to please him and if this cycle continues to be give/give no one will go lacking!!! Be blessed!
Sheree says
I love your thinking Shaun! Nicely put. Step outside your comfort zone….Love it!
Uneeka Jay,Powermommy says
It is vital to keep the spice in the bedroom. Never leave your spouse wanting something that they can’t get at home! Great post!!
Sheree says
I agree Uneeka! We are supposed to always “take care of home”!
Brian says
This is a GREAT article! I don’t think realize the pressure that comes with having to the one that does the “initiating” all the time. And we all know that just because he “initiates” does not always mean she “reciprocates”. As a matter of fact, many times it’s “not tonite honey”, “noooo”, “stop”, “what are you doing?” What’s worse is eventually resentment can set in or he will get to the point of being tired of rejection and find other things to do. Well written! Bravo!
Brian says
I’m sorry, I meant to say “I don’t think WOMEN realize the pressure that comes with a MAN having to BE the one that does the “initiating” all the time.
#proofread
Oh yeah, I’ve been married for 17 years.
Sheree says
Thanks Brian! I don’t have a doubt in my mind that it can get tiring being the initiator. That’s why I want to give the fellas a break! 🙂
sharon says
I love your blogs i find them inspireing i am not a wife yet but i consider myself prepareing to be one soon .love reading and being informed about self- help.
Sheree says
Thank you Sharon! I appreciate the kind words. I talk about real things in order to help and bless others.
Letrell manchand says
I disagree with some points. Yes you must keep it spicy. And yes you must always find that extra energy. No scarves and night cream. Or boxers and an old t shirt. Yes we work raise kids blah blah. But your man/husband still wants you to put in that same energy and effort when it’s your time. Mennin my opinion can be easily distracted and les astray ( sometimes not of their own doing) so you as a woman must be on your a game. Nails hair toes WEIGHT!! Yes I said weight. Sorry ladies. Yes your husband loves you. And yes he says baby “I love you the way you are” but he is “suppose” to say that. But let’s be real. If your husband picked up an extra 50 pounds a super sized gut and can now wear a bra,,,, are you ummmmm eager to jump in bed or get it on??? It sounds superficial but it’s a hard truth. I know we have babies, and breast feed, and soccer practice again blah blah. You still have to pull it all together. Throw on those heels, freakum dress, send those dirty texts, hit the gum every once and awhile and get it pop pop popping. Just my opinion tho.
Sheree says
Thanks for chiming in Letrell! While I agree with you on some points, I’m not clear what points you disagree with. I personally feel more comfortable when I’m looking good WITH THE LIGHTS ON! So I understand your thinking
Leela says
Aww! I agree. My man told me the other day my take down session was exciting, all because I was just the TINIEST bit forceful and aggressive…something I NEVER am in the bedroom. He loved it so much I want to try it some more. Great article, and right on time.
Sheree says
Alright now Leela!! I love it! It’s a beautiful thing to put a smile on your man’s face. High five! He’s ready for round two!
sharon says
Great points but lately we haven’t been making time for each other on that level
Sheree Adams says
I can’t say that its easy, Sharon. But, I can say that its necessary…carve out the time and get that fire started.
Valerie says
I am in total agreement with your article. He tells me he is never lacking in the bedroom because I am never slacking. We both initiate. Sometimes its a look to let me know or its me getting “dressed up” to get undressed. He loves it all. and I agree we need to stay looking good. Nails, hair, lipstick when he comes home from work and when I am coming to “see him” in the bedroom. And he carries souvenirs from our time together sometimes on his phone (pics, texts) and thongs in his pants pockets (sometimes i put them there or he will pick up on his way out to work. Its all to keep us spicy. And on another note, we dont have a tv in our bedroom. We decided we sleep or make love only, no tv. So when we must talk, there are not distractions and when we pillow talk we dont want to be distracted. Married for four years now and we are not complaining.
Sheree Adams says
Woohoo! I like that! Never lacking…never slacking. Wow! OK, so next time I need some pointers, I’m calling you! Way to go Valerie…you win the “Hot Wife” Award. Thanks for sharing!
Chrissi says
It is so easy to let everyday life, busy-ness, and sometimes irritations come to bed. We have to make the effort to let it all go, and remind ourselves and our husbands why we’re together. There are lots of wonderful ways to show our love, but we’re being honest here; (Most) Men respond to sex more than anything else we can do for them…it’s the way they’re wired. I feel blessed to share the enjoyment, and do not ever look at sex as something I HAVE to do; a duty, or a chore. You are so right in speaking of anticipation, and promises and teases throughout the day. A few well timed and well worded sexts can make for a very happy couple, later. ; ) I just try to think of how I would feel if I always had to pursue my husband or feel like I was asking for a favor when I want sex. We all want to feel wanted.
Michelle says
I take pride in giving my husband something’s to look at! It can be a view of our home or me in a stop traffic outfit done with taste, and some stilletto’s! My Grams told me to always make your husband stop in his track every now and again, and say that’s my wife!!! Last week he snuck and took a picture of me from behind, and said “look at my fine wife!” I was so flattered! Remember ladies and Gents, Grams are very wise people! Keep that marriage tight Holistically! Mind Body & Spirit!!!
Valerie says
I like your post Michelle. My husbands snaps pics of me and says he likes watching me walk. Says he also likes to give other men trying to sneak a peek “the nod and yeah (chest puffed out) that’s my sexy wife. And I like to get dressed and when I get a whoa, dang, I got a sexy wife comment, I know i chose the perfect shirt, blouse, tank with jeans that day. LOL. I agree make em stop in their steps and stutter or forget what they were going to say. All the compliments a lady needs.
Mrs. M says
I have no style, so mo stopping in traffic….He met me in gym cloths and that is mostly what I wear not.. we have done all the acting that one can do…as a matte of fact he doesn’t like it when I role play in the bedroom…he say it make him feel disconnected from the real me… but I would have to day that the fire has long gone out…. 🙁
Valerie says
Mrs. M, studies show that working out together can be a romantic turn on. Offer to go workout at gym and work it from there.
Mrs. M says
We have done that and do do that from time to time ..I am not turned on…. 🙁
Lakeesia House says
Hello ladies, I agree with this article it is very important to keep the spice up in your marriage. Sometimes we as women are burnt out from working, school, our children and stress that we let those things take a toll on us and it leaves us feeling not so sexy. Just by taking a little time to pamper ourselves will make a major difference. Women who feel attractive have better intimate lives. I am a Pure Romance Consultant and we carry a large line of bath, beauty, lingerie and other bedroom accessories to help with adding a little more spice In your marriages. I love the fact that I can spread the knowledge of my products with other women empowering, educating, and entertaining them to continue healthy and long lasting intimate relationships.
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Advance Consultant
Chrystal Washington says
Awww,sookie,sookie,this is a much needed article.For my marriage,our spirituality and sexuality go hand in hand.We are a blended family and the emotional stress is at an extremely high level.Being in a love affair with Jesus first,enhances my love affair with my hubby,who i affectionally call “Big Daddy”.I have emphysema and horrible arthritis.But my husband makes my life something to sing about.I am oxygen dependent,and he prepares my portable tanks when we are going out.I had bladder surgery and couldnt do what i needed to ,but he took care of me.He even puts my sox and shoes on when im swelling.He previously had a brain aneurysm,but hes healed,and i was on a ventilator and my family was told to make my funeral arrangements.Life aint easy,and satan tries us daily.But,my life would be nothing without him.And dont let this breathing problem fool you.At one time,i was a passion party consultant.Before that my sex drive was already amazing.Because our marriage bed is undefiled,on our honeymoon my hubby was screaming”Glory to God”,lol.Yep,Sugahmama and Big Daddy give thanks at all times.This is a wonderful forum where we can help each other,without judgements.Praying that all of your marriages continue to be bountifully blessed.It will be six years on May 27,2013 for us.Again i say,”To God be the glory”.