Marriage is designed to last a lifetime. Sadly, we all know that many marriages don’t. Some people enter their union with the best intentions but life happens, and despite efforts to stay together, things simply don’t work out. When a marriage falls apart, we all wonder what happened. Where did things go wrong? What could have helped them stay together?
Unless it’s your marriage, the truth is you will probably never know why anyone’s marriage failed. Sometimes it’s simple, but often times it’s complicated, and all we ever know is what someone tells us. However, I do know that a couple’s ability to manage the tough times has a lot to do with the longevity of their union. What you do and say in the darkest moments of your life together can have a large impact on how long your life together will last.
Most of us say that we plan to stick around for better or worse when we get married. Unfortunately, most of us are completely unprepared for the worse. When something unexpected happens that threatens the foundation of our marriage—something that shakes us at our core—we often don’t know what to do. So what happens? We panic. Many of us panic, get angry, or become depressed, and all that emotion can make us react in ways that are hurtful and harmful.
I firmly believe, however, that the ability for a marriage to recover and strengthen has a lot less to do with doing the right thing, and a lot more to do with how often we do the absolute wrong thing. And doing the wrong thing doesn’t mean we are bad people or that we don’t love our spouse. It simply means that when the going gets tough, we may not have the coping skills to manage the situation in a healthy manner. We simply may not know what to do.
Here are 5 things you should avoid doing when the going gets tough in your relationship.
[imagebrowser id=369]
GigiK says
This helped so much often times I shutdown this is something that I am working on.
ANONYMOUSINNC says
2 weekends ago I found an email where my husband told a coworker that he desired her attention and affection. It was an emotional affair that lasted a few weeks. In 2013 while I was pregnant he had a sexual affair, withdrew, and then I kicked him out and he went to be with her until she dumped him (all happened in 2 months). It took a year (2014)to rebuild trust and I’d forgotten about the betrayal because we forgave each other. I changed as a wife and committed to being as loving as possible and focused on God, hubby, children, home, and career. Then this. I left him. I’m done. How could a man laugh with me, tell me he’s happy as we merrily go about life and vacations and then cheats. Again. Shamelessly at work with his ring on with a girl less attractive and accomplished than me. Heartbroken does not convey how deeply i was cut. He was singing in church on Sundays. We were making love all the time all while keeping lies and secrets. The email I discovered was sent while I was out buying sushi for us. I’m done. This is mostly sad for my 1 & 3 year olds but they are young and I want to raise them to be strong independent woman that do not have be mistreated or disrespected by a man. He did not seem very remorseful when I found out. I told him I was depressed and having anxiety attacks and he said “have a drink and cool out”. I cant trust him again and so Im moving on. Thank you for this article but some things are dealbreakers. Right?
Martine says
I am so sorry to hear about what’s been going on with your marriage. I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling. Although I meant every word in the article, you are correct–some things are deal breakers and every person has to determine what they consider a deal breaker based on the experiences they have had in their relationship. I hope you make a decision that sits well with your soul, and will give your kids the life they deserve.