Are you a high-achieving, strong, spiritual and successful sister who is still single after 40? Are you starting to lose hope that there are any men who share your values and desires for a committed relationship?
Well, let me help a sister out and share some secrets about dating over 40 from the perspective of what men want and how you can attract your perfect match.
The very first thing you should know is that men in their 40s who are serious about relationships tend to want something very different than women in their 40s.
It’s a little shocking to women to hear this because they expect the men in their peer group to want similar things as they do.
But once you are over 35, you’ve entered an experience I like to call “Grown Folks’ Dating” and the game has changed!
Think about this: when you were in high school, you dated guys in your own peer group. I mean, dating an “older” man consisted of picking someone 3 years older but who didn’t own his own car and thought burping games were fun. We all wanted the same things then, right?
In your 20s, you were probably taught to focus on school and your career goals before settling down to start a family. Most men are told to make sure they have something to offer a woman before they settle down but beyond that, there’s not a lot of pressure on them in their 20s to get married.
Now you’ve hit your mid- to late-30s. You had a great birthday bash, but Mr. Right still hasn’t shown up. You’re either burnt out from dating, divorced, or never married and starting to get a bit concerned.
On one hand, you’re climbing the corporate ladder; on the other hand you want kids, and you want to get started soon. You know it’s medically possible, but you’re not wanting to get started with a family at 40. The pressure is on!
The 30-something guys, however, don’t seem to be on your level. They’re not thinking about marriage, or they’re choosing women a bit younger or less ambitious than you are. If they’re the kind of men you like—successful, professional, handsome—they’re in high demand and you can’t understand why you can’t find one.
Now you’re 40. 45. 47. Not married. . . and kinda freaking out!
The guys in your peer group, however, are starting to settle down.
What do 40-year-old men want?
- They want a woman who is confident, giving, fun, supportive, attractive, compassionate, caring, intelligent, and easy to be around.
- They want a long-term relationship. Dating casually just isn’t fun anymore.
- They want a woman who knows what she wants.
Yes! you think to yourself, That’s me. But wait. Why am I still single?
Read more of what a 40 year old man really wants…
There is no “formula” to dating at any age. The key is the same regardless of age group – find someone who wants the same things you do and is willing to do whatever it takes to have them.
I am 46 and my friend is 48. We get along well with her having four kids and I have two children from previous marriage. She wants to pursue walk in Christ she pushes me away. We both care about each other. Man need advice to overcome feeling pushed away. We still date and go out.
I am 41 and I am engaged to man 42. We will be a blended family. My advice is to be open and look beyond the surface. I wasn’t looking for him and when I met him he was a “nice guy” but not necessarily what I considered “my type”. I stayed open though because I loved our conversations and shared values. I encountered all the problems mentioned when dating before (guys who didn’t like kids, weren’t serious etc.). The more we became friends I realized he was everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted. I got it just in a different package than expected. Had I not “tweeked” my thinking (I.e he didn’t have a college degree but makes a great living in the Trades) I would have passed up great guy. Good luck, continue to be you and she’ll show up when you least expect it.
Great words of advice, ” TWEEKING” helps you Keep a great guy….
Well thanks, Terri for the profound words of advice.
To be Open and look beyond the surface.
” I wasn’t looking for him and when I met him he was a “nice guy” but not necessarily what I considered ” My type”
I revised the idea of “my type” to think outside the box, helped me obtain a great
guy…
I did stay open through because he listens and desired to know and grow with me…
He showed up when I least expected it…
Had I not “tweeked” “My thinking out loud approach. I might have bypassed a great guy……
Congrats Terri, on your engagement….
I’m a divorced 49 year old woman who has been heart broken to the point where I sometimes feel that I have no respect for a man anymore, I don’t want to feel this way but I do, I now spend time spoiling myself instead of others, I’m getting to know me for the first time in my life, I really like me now and I’m no longer looking for anyone to give their opinions on whatever I do, my relationship with God is great and I am in a good place for now, just wanted to share.
We are the same age and after my divorce my heart got.very hard but I have learned to soften my heart and it is okay to date and enjoy the company of a man and.still manage to love yourself. I am getting ready for my next journey as I relocate again in three years Chicago to Houston to Arizona life is all about making moments.
I am a vibrant, educated, intellegent 65 year old, I am told often I don’t look anywhere near my age and I don’t. Still active and on the go the dating commitment pool in my age group is even worse. I don’t have any junk, and don’t come off as having any. Love this article nevertheless I wonder about the men in my age group and or late fifties, but I still have hope.
Soooo according to this article, if you’re a 40 year old woman who wants children of her own you’re just out of luck.
this article is bs.
Hi Curvy, no that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you’ll have to expand your ideas of how your dreams will come true. I’m also saying you’ll need to understand the male perspective. All men in your dating pool aren’t thinking this way, but many are. If you go into dating understanding this, it’ll be easier.