Sooooo I was having a conversation today with a young lady who had broken up with her boyfriend a while back. It had been a while since we had spoken so I asked her if they had gotten back together. She took that awkward pause and said something along the lines of “I guess so.”
Not judgmentally, but just out of curiosity I proceeded to ask her “why?” In my mind I’m thinking surely she has some good reasons as to why they would continue their relationship, but to my surprise her answer to me was “just because!”
That was my motivation for writing this blog. I believe we have a very fundamental problem in the world of building productive and successful relationships when the only reason that a person can come up with as to why they are involved with someone is “just because!” If you to take a moment to think about your own life, your own family, and your own friends, I can almost guarantee you know someone who is in a dead end relationship or marriage where if you asked them why they are in it they couldn’t give you a positive answer to save their lives either.
I think it is important sometimes for us to step back and be able to answer the question on a larger scale…“why am I married?” vs. just being able to speak about “why I haven’t I gotten a divorce.” Those are two different concepts that we must be aware of.
There are so many good things that come along with being married or being in a relationship, but it becomes so easy to act as if we are captives in our marriages instead of realizing the reasons we actually decided to get married in the first place.
For me if someone asked me why I’m still married, I want to be able to give some solid answers. Here are just a few of my reasons:
- Because I love my wife and took vows to love her forever.
- Because I love my family and want my children to have a stable family
- Because my wife makes me better and adds value to my life
- Because I love the life my wife and I are building together
- Because I like having sex on a consistent basis with someone who actually cares about me
- Because I know my wife has my back
- Because my wife is my best friend and I can be vulnerable with her
- Because my wife keeps me fed with that good cooking
- Because marriage challenges me, yet allows me to focus on becoming the best person I can be
- Because I want my legacy to be bigger than just me.
Some of the things I mention may seem elementary but I believe it is important that we always take a step back and remember why we made commitments to each other. Sometimes in the business of life, we start to look at our marriages as burdens instead of as the blessings they really are.
ACTION: I’m not attempting to drop a lot of knowledge through this blog but I would really challenge you to sit down and write your list of not only why you got into the relationship or marriage, but why you continue to be in it. Write these things down, reflect on them, and then share them with your mate! Everyone needs a reminder from time to time.
BMWK – Please share with a few of the reasons you’re married?