The old cliche “always a bridesmaid never a bride” is usually said with the intention of making a woman feel bad for not having a husband yet. It’s usually followed by some attempt to give a woman advice on how to “get a man” yet, it falls on deaf ears because she already tired of hearing it. Well, since she is tired of hearing it, I’ve decided to take a second and flip the narrative to “always a groomsman, never a groom!” Okay, so come follow me….
First thing’s first, as much as people don’t believe it, men desire marriage too! This is never more evident than when you’re at a wedding and after a few drinks the single men will pull the married men to the side and ask the probing “pre-marriage” questions like:
“How is it being married?”
“So how did you know your wife was ‘the one?’”
“What’s the secret to marriage?”
“Can you really be with the same woman forever?”
Those are just a few questions amongst many more that men will ask, and what you won’t believe is that it’s usually the one who is considered the biggest “player” of them all asking away!
The truth of the matter is, that while it’s okay for women to ask and talk about marriage, many times for men it’s considered a little taboo. While his heart might desire companionship and love, sometimes his mind and hormones tell him that “the streets” are where the action and his identity are. He’s never heard the positives like, the fact that married men actually tend to live longer, make more money, and have more sex.
Where’s the billboard stating that?
If you let society tell it, married men are more stressed out, don’t have any money because they have to take care of a family, and never have any sex because wives don’t put out. Funny how the perception can trump the reality huh?
This is why he is stuck with this internal dilemma…to marry or not to marry!? Sometimes it’s not until his boys or some “groomsman” start to answer some questions that he becomes a believer! Then he has the epiphany moment: “Well if marriage is so bad then why do so many people do it?” Somebody has to tell him that at some point, he has to check his intentions and his mindset. He has to switch off the selfish switch and switch on the selfless switch. This and other things he must do, if he wants to go from being a groomsman to a groom!
BMWK Fam, if you could give a young man thinking about marriage one piece of advice about what it takes to go from groomsman to groom what would it be?
WoodTon says
Great post. Thank you. I will share it in my profile.